Shouldn't Be Surprised!
 

Yesterday started out badly. The children went to church with my MIL, and started off, saying he was going to get ice for the meat in the cooler...but of course I knew deep down what that meant. We were 'supposed' to go to his AAunt's house about an hour away.

My children came home from church. My 15 yo son starts SCREAMING at me, "MOM, I can't believe you two! Dad's down there at Uncle's getting drunk, and you're not ready to go! We can't go now because Dad's drunk and I really want to go!"

"Son, we can still go. I am ready all I have to do is get dressed. I will take you and your brothers up there myself. We will leave Dad here."

NO! this is all your fault! Dad's down there drinking so we can't go!

NONE of the children would go without their father.

Of course, son goes down in the car and gets his father. Here he comes with a beer in hand. I LIT INTO HIM. SON LIT INTO HIM. Other children ran off.
Screaming match ensued for well over an hour and he was not budging. I only had one and we're going!

I was so upset! The children refused to go without him. I got blamed for wrecking their holiday. So all I could do was pray that the rest of the day went ok, and it did. He had only one beer a few hours later, but I watched him like a hawk. I hate doing that. When it's our lives on the line, I gotta know when he's had too much so I can take the keys.

Son was so angry. Mom, I don't want to talk about it. Dad won't talk to me now. Son, I am so sorry your father doesn't understand, but nobody in this house is responsible for his drinking.

I think I'm going to have to fight tooth and toenail to get these boys into Alateen. It's time. Seeing my son fall apart like that, and then I LOST it. I would have been ok if my son hadn't come in, screaming at me, yk?

My poor precious children. I need to figure out something else.

Sue

I am so sorry for you pain. Have you considered adding a therapist along with your Alanon program? I really need both for a while.

Please continue to read and post here as well. No one should have to live with emotional and physical abuse.

LivingLife4me---do you know the reason that none of the children would go without their father? Especially, to a place that they really wanted to go?

could it be a cultural issue?

dandylion

So sorry you're going through this. I'm praying for you and your family today.

I am not sure why they wouldn't go without him. It was very confusing to me, because I've taken them to his Aunt's without him in the past. So, I don't know.

Sue

I'm sorry that ruined the Easter plans. Good luck Friend.

My son didn't want to go to grief counseling after his dad died, but he really needed it. So I played bad cop and made him go. The first one was like pulling teeth, but then he developed a rapport with the counselor and ended up being OK with it. We turned it into our weekly bonding time and would go out to dinner together afterward.
I grew up with an alcoholic father, and those are hard waters to navigate for anyone, let alone a child. Since you're keeping them in that environment, they need to start developing
good coping tools. I wish my codie mom had known about Alanon/alateen, but she was one of those who thinks she "got rid of her problem" by divorcing the alcoholic. Ha. Don't be afraid to be the bad guy and tell them they have to go. They need something. If not alateen then counseling.

Maybe they are tired of their parent's cr*p. My brother and I used to act out when our parents fought in front of us. It was the only way we knew how to express ourselves. With angry outbursts and crazy making, because that was what the adults in our lives were modeling.

I totally agree with this. I can see this in my own kids now that I have separated. They are demonstrating anger and anxiety and it makes me very sad that learned this behavior from my XAH and I.

Glad I got out. I hope you take steps to make life more peaceful for you and your dear children.