CodeJob

So the enabler is here for Easter.

Last year I went ballistic on enabler. I told enabler I did not care how H got to out of state rehab, but he was going to lose his bed if he did not arrive on set day. I yelled to dump his a-- off at airport if he was not fit to drive. Enabler really caught it from me bc that was where H was freaking out. He let H crash at his place. He let H drink and stay there bc he is an enabler. But Enabler also plays my team and he pulled through and got a second driver and dragged H to rehab. Enabler Thrives on DRAMA. So being a wonderful and accommodating Codie I occasionally put on a jolly good show!

So enabler and I had a discussion about actual date of year anniversary. He picked a day 2 days later. I dug out my little pocket calendar from last year and confirmed enabler was right and HE WAS THERE - so he would know. But in the end, I honored RAH's given date. I figured what is 48 hours? So ENABLER called RAH on it! OH BOY!

Please pray for me today. That I keep my mouth shut and try to STOP.

CodeJob

I played some triangle action with enabler and RAH on Saturday. He is a terrible trigger bc he loves to feel needed and plays both sides. RAH went off on me in front of enabler in regards to how I cooked dinner. He tried to pull DS in to mask his anger. I pulled this apart Sat night in my head. I played martyr... Oops.

Sunday RAH tried some passive aggressive polka. I was thankfully too tired to engage. Not that I didn't want to, I was just too tired.

I had agreed to speak for my first time at a meeting last night. I had to write my talk down to be sure I stayed on target with time, content, message and my emotions. There were over 40 people there! I was a bit bummed to not acknowledge SR. I was exhausted to channel that energy to catch the crowd and then deal with my usual mixed feelings. Someone will make a great comment and the next person is crying over trees. I get a little befuddled. I can be charismatic but it really drains me. People were really kind and welcoming but I hate being hugged. Al Anon is way too touchy feely! I was totally wiped out as we drove back to the meeting leader's house. But I did ask her to be my sponsor. I think it will work out as my HP sent her into my orbit. She thrives on people interaction so she will probably drag me out of my shell even more. She told me I have so much clarity and I just laughed. That's what people keep telling me. It took me two days to write my talk. It was just a well crafted essay. My first try got 100% jettisoned as a step 4 bleed out.

So look who has some of her own emotional withdrawal traits going on?!

I saw a rainbow this evening. My HP set it up for me to leave work early today. I did two guided meditations with my unexpected free time. All will be well.