findingmyself14

"Hey Hun, did you see there's a new beer garden opening up downtown? I can't wait until I can drink again."

Tell me, how would you have responded?

(My RAH is 3 months sober.)

grandma3333

I think I'm speechless. But it sounds a lot like a friend of mine. He ended up in the ER and after 5 or 6 weeks of sobering up he told me beer is OK. and he could control it.
It's so not funny It's so sad.
Diana

embraced2000

I would have thought and felt that he still doesn't get "it".

I would have reinforced to myself that his recovery does not affect my own recovery.

and pre-alanon, I would have helped him find a way to make a brilliant plan for being able to drink according to a controlled alcohol consumption chart. yep. that's what I would have done.

deep breath. concentrate on personal recovery for yourself.

redatlanta

There's your future. Pay attention to it. At least he warned you.

No response necessary.

Mango blast

"That's probably a good thing to talk about at AA and with your counselor."

My husband hasn't actively worked at recovery since rehab. So it might be: "I'm not your keeper, your counselor or your sponsor. That'd probably be a good thing to discuss with someone who knows what you're going through." I'll quote this again since it's meant a lot to me this week: Birds fly, fish swim, alcoholics drink. To drink is natural. To not drink is not natural and takes a lot of work.

Let my husband work on his recovery and continue with my own.

Karma2014

If he wasn't joking, there's a strong case to be made for denial.

I was sober for 8.5 years. During that entire period I understood completely I could never drink again. I knew where it would take me.

And I did it anyway. I picked up and went on a year and a half binge to end all binges.

Eight months sober under my belt now. I never think or wish I'll be able to drink again.

ladyscribbler

Sounds like my ex. "I'm not going to drink anymore, unless you and I get a bottle of wine. Or maybe I'll have a beer if I'm working out in the yard and I get hot."
Agree with others. This is not someone who "gets" the whole sobriety thing. Best thing is to focus on you and your recovery.
How's that going? Are you doing Alanon or anything for yourself?

dandylion

findingmyself---I think I would say something like..."I'm not your sponsor"....and then go look at the rental market for rental apartments. In reality, I would want to blow fire from my mouth.

Hon, I know how those words must have been like an arrow to your heart. Right now, I could just cry for you!!!!!!!!

dandylion

HealingWillCome

I'm sorry to hear this, because I know how hard it is when relapse smacks you in the face.

I spent 11 years married to an alcoholic, oblivious to the true nature of the illness, and even more oblivious to the concept of taking care of my own needs. At that time I would have bought into the idea that an alcoholic could keep it under control.

Later I found myself in another relationship with an alcoholic/addict. After 5 years of cycling through recovery and relapse, we were in a recovery stage that was starting to crumble and he was starting to rationalize social drinking again. Told me straight up that he missed drinking and would probably start again. I believed him.

I was thankful I wasn't married because I was able to say, "That's your choice and I respect it. I love you, and I wish you the best, but I can't be a part of this again." And I made my final break before crazy could hit the fan again.

kevfinn

If he feels strong about moderation, then more power too him. Mad respect, but I'm not sure about the "can't wait" part. That may be a little concerning. May he find a healthy medium.

MissFixit

I would have said that maybe I'll see you there with my next husband.

Stung

Buh bye. That's what I would have said. My husband has 3 months of sobriety too and if he's going to act like sobriety is a phase then he can go be dumb without me and without our kids. We don't want a front row seat to self destruction.

Mountainmanbob

if alcoholic -- not sound thinking

to stop -- a firm decision must be made

for the drunk -- another possibly worse bottom is always waiting

MM

itsmylifenow

My exabf had decided he was going to quit drinking. I was ecstatic that he was going to make the change.

However, he really just wanted to prove to himself he could do it for a month. He complained, was miserable and more obnoxious than ever before. As the end of the month came around he tells me he needed to get a bottle of champagne to celebrate his not drinking. SMH

Not much you can say to that. You just realize at that moment they think it's a game they can play for a short amount of time to prove to themselves that 1 - they don't have a problem and 2 - that they just proved you wrong for believing they are an alcoholic.

Talk about denial.

ukiah77

My RAH is saying the same thing, he made a promise to himself and the whole family that he would "quit for a year." We are around month 5 now. I am scared and anxious what is going to happen at the year mark. I've tried to talk to him about it (he is not in AA) but he gets defensive and has the I-already-quit-drinking-what-more-do-you-want-from-me attitude. Things have been leaps and bounds better in our household and as a family, and going back to the hell that it was before he quit is not an option. How do you convince these RA's in such denial that no, in fact, they CAN NOT start drinking at _____ date and time. It's almost like the only way they could quit is if they give themselves a "reward" (to drink again) in the future to look forward to. My RAH is definitely making comments like he can't wait to start drinking again so he can _______. Whatever, fill in the blank, so he can attend parties again, so he can finally have fun again, so he can hang out with the guys again, etc.. It so annoying to hear him say those things and it breaks my heart. He is such a wonderfully different person when he's sober. But I can not force him to do anything one way or the other, all I can do is make my own choices.

honeypig

This is what it all boils down to, isn't it...I'd imagine it's difficult to fully enjoy the improved circumstances as much as you'd like with the time clock ticking in the background.

As hard as it may be, it might be a gift--you have a preview of what life w/o an active A in it is like. What will you do if in fact he does return to drinking, now that you know (or remember) what it's like to live a sane and happy life? Have you set boundaries for if/when that happens?

CAPTAINZING2000

My mind goes immediately to the court ordered people attending AA.
Sometimes, something clicks and they get it. A lot of times, they see it as a punishment and don't see themselves for the sick people they truly are.
Alcoholism is the one of the few diseases you spend a long time and sometimes until you die denying you've got it.

There is so much joy to be found in life that's not in the bottom of a drink glass.

Why is it your hubby hasn't drank for 3 months ?

AnvilheadII

this is someone who sees "sober" like a season...not a year round lifestyle. he just TOLD you that he PLANS to drink again. that he can't wait. looking forward to it.

are the wedding plans still on?