Why am I still crying today?
Why am I still crying today?
I am having a horrible horrible day.
I cried first thing in the morning.
Went to the gym with swollen face came home and it is now 230pm and I just crawled back out of bed.
I feel like I am going through this from day 1 again.
I have been listening to my codependence audible since the gym.
I feel like a train has hit me all over again.
I don't understand what is triggering it.
I feel like such a loser. I didn't even realize it was already Saturday and of course another holiday. I am not big into Holidays but seeing all the neighbors with there familys make me so sad. I don't have $ for gas to see any friends or family.
I cried first thing in the morning.
Went to the gym with swollen face came home and it is now 230pm and I just crawled back out of bed.
I feel like I am going through this from day 1 again.
I have been listening to my codependence audible since the gym.
I feel like a train has hit me all over again.
I don't understand what is triggering it.
I feel like such a loser. I didn't even realize it was already Saturday and of course another holiday. I am not big into Holidays but seeing all the neighbors with there familys make me so sad. I don't have $ for gas to see any friends or family.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
((((Radiant))))
I've been having a rough morning and had to get out of the house since I was triggering. I loaded up garbage and went to the dump. Music blasting (changing stations with any drinking or sappy song), window down, and eventually started thinking about what I can do instead of being stuck with the voices in my head. Big things like where I can live if I need to, what will I do for work, etc. Little things like how I can make the next hour or two a little better for me. I was doing much better until I went by the neighbor's with a ton of vehicles and people having a big to-do in the yard. Not a drunk-fest, a get-together. And I felt so left out. Of that, of life. We've never really been invited many places, I don't know yet how to develop friendships (this will come! I am going to work on this) and the few things we did go to had drinking involved so I always backed away from those. I've closed myself off and don't quite know yet how to get involved in life. Baby steps. Instead of thinking about the neighbors, I need to keep to what I can do right here and now.
Sending lots of good wishes your way this weekend.
This thread has a bunch of good ideas, including being easy on yourself and letting it be. Read the post by lillamy, in particular.
I've been having a rough morning and had to get out of the house since I was triggering. I loaded up garbage and went to the dump. Music blasting (changing stations with any drinking or sappy song), window down, and eventually started thinking about what I can do instead of being stuck with the voices in my head. Big things like where I can live if I need to, what will I do for work, etc. Little things like how I can make the next hour or two a little better for me. I was doing much better until I went by the neighbor's with a ton of vehicles and people having a big to-do in the yard. Not a drunk-fest, a get-together. And I felt so left out. Of that, of life. We've never really been invited many places, I don't know yet how to develop friendships (this will come! I am going to work on this) and the few things we did go to had drinking involved so I always backed away from those. I've closed myself off and don't quite know yet how to get involved in life. Baby steps. Instead of thinking about the neighbors, I need to keep to what I can do right here and now.
Sending lots of good wishes your way this weekend.
This thread has a bunch of good ideas, including being easy on yourself and letting it be. Read the post by lillamy, in particular.
Thank you keepingthefaith- I will read the thread you included. I took a vitamin d pill I am hoping that might help something.
I have been putting job applications everywhere. I got a job as a housecleaner 2 days a week yippie. I decided to get out of accounting and that is where I landed. I just want to work. I had to drive by starbucks after the gym and can't even afford a cup of coffee. I feel so pathetic. While AH can spend his whole check to himself.
I have been putting job applications everywhere. I got a job as a housecleaner 2 days a week yippie. I decided to get out of accounting and that is where I landed. I just want to work. I had to drive by starbucks after the gym and can't even afford a cup of coffee. I feel so pathetic. While AH can spend his whole check to himself.
Yep, I will join you guys. Not doing any better than y'all are. That poem of his has just stuck in my head, triggered everything all over, and now the whole damn thing is restarted. The worrying, the fear, the questioning myself, the longing, the sadness, the anger, etc. Its a beautiful day outside, and I just feel like hiding under my desk and shutting out the world. Don't worry, I am still no contact but I am derailed again. I know, it goes in waves, and I know it'll pass. Right now it feels fresh and raw again though.
Back to one minute at a time I guess. We all need a big group hug.
Back to one minute at a time I guess. We all need a big group hug.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
You are not pathetic or a loser! Is that a knee-jerk reaction, are you in a bad place mentally, or ?
Even if you're feeling like that, do you know logically that it's not true? Valid things to think through.
I feel it. I've been in similar situations. Yet all I have the resources to focus on right now is taking care of me, each hour, each day.
If you really want to see friends or family, is there someone you could call to pick you up? Knowing I have choices is big for me, even if it's ones I don't particularly like or decide to do.
Ofelie (((hugs))) for you too!
Even if you're feeling like that, do you know logically that it's not true? Valid things to think through.
I feel it. I've been in similar situations. Yet all I have the resources to focus on right now is taking care of me, each hour, each day.
If you really want to see friends or family, is there someone you could call to pick you up? Knowing I have choices is big for me, even if it's ones I don't particularly like or decide to do.
Ofelie (((hugs))) for you too!
Yep, I will join you guys. Not doing any better than y'all are. That poem of his has just stuck in my head, triggered everything all over, and now the whole damn thing is restarted. The worrying, the fear, the questioning myself, the longing, the sadness, the anger, etc. Its a beautiful day outside, and I just feel like hiding under my desk and shutting out the world. Don't worry, I am still no contact but I am derailed again. I know, it goes in waves, and I know it'll pass. Right now it feels fresh and raw again though.
Back to one minute at a time I guess. We all need a big group hug.
Back to one minute at a time I guess. We all need a big group hug.
It is gorgeous outside. I hope the day hurry ups and ends. Unfortunately I slept so much I have a headache now yikes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
take your power back. be selfish with it, for it belongs to you.
you can decide how to use this day, just like the alcoholic can decide to drink or not to drink.
make the decision to reclaim your power.
I am now off from the soapbox.
reclaim what is left of the day, and make it yours. focus on what you have and not what you have not.
you can decide how to use this day, just like the alcoholic can decide to drink or not to drink.
make the decision to reclaim your power.
I am now off from the soapbox.
reclaim what is left of the day, and make it yours. focus on what you have and not what you have not.
You are not pathetic or a loser! Neither am I. I feel it. I know exactly what you mean.
If you really want to see friends or family, is there someone you could call to pick you up? Knowing I have choices is big for me, even if it's ones I don't particularly like or decide to do.
If you really want to see friends or family, is there someone you could call to pick you up? Knowing I have choices is big for me, even if it's ones I don't particularly like or decide to do.
I don't have a big family or anything.
Yep, I am still no contact, cuz there is nothing left to say that I haven't already said and none of it ever made a damn difference. No point in just repeating myself to a blank wall. What do they say in Scotland? Save your breath to cool your porridge? Something like that. Anyway, I am also wishing the day would just hurry up and end, though I have no clue what its like to sleep too much, and nighttime really isn't any different for me, except its dark outside. I gave up sleeping ages ago. My son pointed out that hey, it could be much worse, my mom could show up unexpectedly. I really hate holidays. Hugs, everyone. Sorry for the pity party.
I need to join you guys.....I have also tried to stay very busy...with tears streaming down the entire day!!
Just knowing that you guys are here and understand the pain....it brings me some comfort...
We do need a great big group hug!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
Just knowing that you guys are here and understand the pain....it brings me some comfort...
We do need a great big group hug!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
Of course he can. They are good at that. I remember when my husband and I were separated once, he would always show up on my worse days. Then when I started to move on, he knew that too. I let him walk back into my life and destroy all recovery. I regret that everyday. I am so mentally screwed up now more that ever. That was 8 years ago. Sending prayers your way.
Of course he can. They are good at that. I remember when my husband and I were separated once, he would always show up on my worse days. Then when I started to move on, he knew that too. I let him walk back into my life and destroy all recovery. I regret that everyday. I am so mentally screwed up now more that ever. That was 8 years ago. Sending prayers your way.
We have discussed finances to death I don't know why he is here nor am I asking im just letting him talk and say thank you, thank you, ok , yes
Sending hugs dandylion!!!
You're welcome. However, I think he is there because he wants to come back, he just wants you to say it. I begged every time he showed up. He always said no, until I moved on. He no longer had my power. But he managed to say all the right things to get me back. So dumb!! We are still married. He is in treatment now, but if I could do it all over again, never. Pray. Pray for strength. You can get through this. And when you do, you will be my inspiration when I need it.
You're welcome. However, I think he is there because he wants to come back, he just wants you to say it. I begged every time he showed up. He always said no, until I moved on. He no longer had my power. But he managed to say all the right things to get me back. So dumb!! We are still married. He is in treatment now, but if I could do it all over again, never. Pray. Pray for strength. You can get through this. And when you do, you will be my inspiration when I need it.
But I believe what you said and the outcome will only be bad if I cave. Thank you again
Today was a very hard day for me too and I am not sure why?? Maybe because it's Easter and I am alone. In the past, I always looked forward to sunrise services on the beach. This year, I will not be going.
Keeping us all in my prayers. I know this will pass and someday we will all be happy and healthy.
Happy Easter!!
Keeping us all in my prayers. I know this will pass and someday we will all be happy and healthy.
Happy Easter!!
I'm so sorry all of you are struggling. But we aren't alone because we can talk to each other here. I am so incredibly grateful that I found this forum. I wasn't brought up to be religious but I have started to wonder at the magic that found support for me when I needed it most. I hope that you all get comfort from the love and kindness here too. x
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