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new here...been soul searching

Old 04-19-2014, 11:54 AM
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new here...been soul searching

Well let me just say I've been digging into everything I can get my hands on over the last month. I have three children, one of them is a baby and I am currently living with my AH. Everyday used to be a struggle, but I am learning to take things one day at a time and releasing all my anger and resentment letting my HP take control over everything. I still struggle daily and have to repeat to myself over and over again that its not my fault and I can't do anything about it right now. He stops drinking for a few days at a time and says he will not drink M-F and only on weekends so I know he is still in denial. I have struggled with the decision to leave or stay for years and beat myself up for being in this exact situaon I was in 5-6 years ago, now with a new person in the equation. I went to my first Alanon meeting Thursday and going to another one tonight. AH isn't too happy about that and its not my problem but its still so difficult to say I will go no matter what he thinks because its not about him its about ME. So I know I'm making progress because my thinking is slowly changing but I still have so many doubts, and hopes because I haven't completely lost all expectations for him changing.

I find myself looking at people I know in everyday life wondering "could they be an alcholic" because if you look at anyone-my husband you will never know because he is the most friendliest person you will meet, but he has this HUGE problem that not many people know about.

Did anyone else find they were analyzing everyone? Is it really possible to remain in the marriage and keep your sanity? and most importantly no one can answer how will my children be affected if I stay or if I go? I always said in wouldn't end up like my mother. But here I am.
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Old 04-19-2014, 01:02 PM
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marobl---Welcome!! Please read and l earn everything you possibly can about this disease (don't forget the "classic" material--stickies--at the top of the page.

Knowledge is power.


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Old 04-19-2014, 02:05 PM
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High five for starting the Alanon meetings. You're already headed in the right direction. Make sure you're taking good care of yourself and the rest will follow.
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:09 PM
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I found myself doing the other end version of the same thing.

When I would be at the kids' school or something.

Are they a "sane mom" or "sane wife?"

=======

As far as . . .

Is it really possible to remain in the marriage and keep your sanity? and most importantly no one can answer how will my children be affected if I stay or if I go?
Who really knows? As far as the kids -- they are affected, either way, as near as I can tell.

btw, Welcome Home, here. I am a guy with a Awtf, but it all looks about the same from all sides, as far as I know.
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:36 PM
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Marobl, welcome to SR! I am pretty oblivious but did go thru a period where I would assess what people were hauling out of the gas station or grocery store. My RAH knows I guess quite a few regulars at the two corner spots closest to home. Meanwhile I hardly ever even go inside!
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