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Very bad couple of weeks

Old 04-17-2014, 05:58 AM
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Very bad couple of weeks

Child services is still "investigating" the abuse toward DD9 that was reported against xAH and Im struggling to remain calm and patient while the wheels of "justice" grind away...

In the meantime, I found a nearly empty vodka bottle hidden in my kids closet. Yes. Kids closet. xAH visits with them once a week at my house (court ordered NOT my choice) and I leave.

I don't know how long it has been there but its horrifying he somehow thought storing alcohol in their closet was a good idea.

And the part that I can't stand to talk or think about but need to deal with in some way is that there is a fairly new investigation (which deep down I think I knew was coming and didn't want to admit) coming from a concern from the kids therapist that she suspects sexual abuse toward DD9 by her dad.

I have no ability to stop him from seeing the kids while all of this swirls around. I am having an EXCEPTIONALLY hard time staying centered/calm/grounded and have been more or less a holy mess for the better part of the last 2 weeks.

Prayers are welcome because right now even one day at a time isn't helping me to cope. Im barely managing one hour at a time.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:01 AM
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What do you think about the abuse allegation WTBH? Does it seem likely to you? Has DD said anything to you?
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:10 AM
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Prayers and concern coming your way.

Where's Nancy Grace when we need her?
Im pretty sure she'd be in ur corner when
child abuse is concerned.

I pray that relief and peace falls upon
you soon.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:12 AM
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I think that DD9 has always behaved baby like with her father even before he moved out. I felt like it was creepy for many years and the kids therapist who they have seen for 2 years nearly has said to xAH and I both that it is not normal.

DD has not said anything directly to me and I haven't asked direct questions but she for some time has been VERY clingy to me, has had bathroom accidents which for a 9 yr old are NOT normal, and what made me go straight to the T was finding photos on her ipod touch of her own body that she clearly did not take that were deeply disturbing...

So, do I think there is something not right? Yes. Do I know the depth of it? No.

I am taking her to see her T again today-- second time this week-- because she is the expert in kids and dealing with trauma and I don't know how to even handle this.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:16 AM
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Jesus, I am so sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?

I'm so sorry.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Jesus, I am so sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?

I'm so sorry.
I have dealt with a lot and been able to be strong and hold it together but THIS? Not holding it together at all. Not even a little.

I want to take my kids and run away. But that's not legal and I keep being advised by my lawyer that I need to let the system do its thing.

In the meantime Im one minute away from a complete and utter nervous breakdown and my kids are being hurt and I can't do anything other than sit and wait.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:24 AM
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Did therapist report it yet?
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:27 AM
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Oh yes... she did... girls have been interviewed twice already...
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:29 AM
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Self-care, be gentle to yourself. Deep breathing, mourning if necessary, cry the tears, take a bath, early bedtimes, many snuggles with the girls. Be gentle to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. We are here for encouraging words.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:33 AM
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I just want this to be over. I want him away from my kids so that they can be safe and I am doing everything by the book and following the rules and getting NO WHERE.

Does he need to kill someone before he will have limits on his behavior? Im honestly at my wits end.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:37 AM
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Keeping you and your girls in my prayers. I am so sorry for all that you all suffered. May the justice system be wise and swift.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:50 AM
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wantobehealthy---have you thought of putting in security cameras--in several parts of the house? I know you need to check with the lawyer to see if it is legal--but, people do it all the time, now---for the obvious security reasons.

It is just a thought that came to me...

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Old 04-17-2014, 06:53 AM
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Dandylion,

Good idea.. Thanks!

I have one outside now but had not considered it inside. I am in a state with ridiculous wire tap/recording laws... I nearly got myself in trouble last summer for telling the cops that I had xAH recorded and thinking that was GOOD as proof. They told me that unless I have his explicit permission to record him I am breaking the law to do so.

So, I have one outside as a security measure but I should check about the indoor one...
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:16 AM
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You would, of course, need to check, but it seems to me that having security cameras inside your own home to capture anyone doing something would be okay. You wouldn't necessarily be targeting him specifically, but if he showed up commiting a crime, you'd have your proof. After all, he no longer lives there and you are a woman living alone with two girls. Many people use cameras for security.
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:33 AM
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We have a nanny cam in my grandma's nursing home room. It looks like a teddy bear but my mom can log in and check it all the time.

It is YOUR home, if you want to nanny cam and video for security in your own home I would think that would be legal, but I am no expert that's for sure.

So so very sorry for all you have went through and are going through. I am praying for you and your family.

Please know we are holding your hand and sending you HUGE hugs during this time.

XXX
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:36 AM
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Just called the police dept to ask and the lieutenant is going to check and let me know...
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:41 AM
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wantobehealthy---to be absolutely certain--I would still check with an attorney who is practicing in your state--regardless of what the lieutenant says..either way.

I have had police persons misquote the law.....(not intentionally, of course).....

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Old 04-17-2014, 07:43 AM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
wantobehealthy---to be absolutely certain--I would still check with an attorney who is practicing in your state--regardless of what the lieutenant says..either way.

I have had police persons misquote the law.....(not intentionally, of course).....

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good idea... thanks
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:46 AM
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Call the prosecutors office. They are attorneys and since they would be the ones prosecuting if it came to that, it would be getting it out of the horses mouth so to speak.

Good luck my friend. You are in my heart and prayers.
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:48 AM
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I'm so sorry WTBH I have no advice to offer, just lots and lots of prayers. Sometimes you've just got to take it one minute at a time.
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