Why do We think its better for the Children?
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by littlesister1 
Oh man, this really hits home.
My dad was an A and our home life SUCKED
Our parents pretended, pretended pretended we all ok
Most people don't give kids enough credit, we see and hear it ALL even when you think we don't. We KNOW when things are going wrong and because of the secrecy and "keeping face" BS we begin to think it has something to do with US.
Becasue our parents will not talk about it or change it, so it MUST be us right?
I would personally like to slap the crap out of anyone who keeps their kids with an active alky
They don't deserve to be a parent, they need to step out of the way before they DAMAGE THEIR CHILDREN FOR LIFE.
Rant over
My dad was an A and our home life SUCKED
Our parents pretended, pretended pretended we all ok
Most people don't give kids enough credit, we see and hear it ALL even when you think we don't. We KNOW when things are going wrong and because of the secrecy and "keeping face" BS we begin to think it has something to do with US.
Becasue our parents will not talk about it or change it, so it MUST be us right?
I would personally like to slap the crap out of anyone who keeps their kids with an active alky
They don't deserve to be a parent, they need to step out of the way before they DAMAGE THEIR CHILDREN FOR LIFE.
Rant over
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I am sorry to hear this.
My RAH has chronic pancreatitis from his years of alcoholism. Btw - that eventually morphs into Type 1 Diabetes. Digestive issues, chronic pain, lots of doctors, hospitalizations, lots and lots of money. Not that it would change things as alcoholism is the disease of denial - but I would love for your AH to meet my RAH. I would like for him to take a gander and the 10 inch scars on his abdomen from 2 major surgeries. The insulin pump, the bag he carries containing a pharmacy of meds. That he seldom eats with out pain. Yep, RAH would step in a time machine if he could and stop a long time before he got to chronic pancreatitis and diabetes.
I do believe tis better to come from a broken home that live in one. Separation would result in your child living without fear 50% of the time instead of the current 100% of the time. I understand the control aspect and why people think it may be better. You can't control him yelling, being drunk or abusive now. You can't stop his enabling parents (they are a big part of this problem) now. You can live in peace. You don't have to live like this.
Please document in a journal his actions. Should you decide to leave it may help you with custody arrangements in the future.
I am sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to deal with this. Wishing you the best.
My RAH has chronic pancreatitis from his years of alcoholism. Btw - that eventually morphs into Type 1 Diabetes. Digestive issues, chronic pain, lots of doctors, hospitalizations, lots and lots of money. Not that it would change things as alcoholism is the disease of denial - but I would love for your AH to meet my RAH. I would like for him to take a gander and the 10 inch scars on his abdomen from 2 major surgeries. The insulin pump, the bag he carries containing a pharmacy of meds. That he seldom eats with out pain. Yep, RAH would step in a time machine if he could and stop a long time before he got to chronic pancreatitis and diabetes.
I do believe tis better to come from a broken home that live in one. Separation would result in your child living without fear 50% of the time instead of the current 100% of the time. I understand the control aspect and why people think it may be better. You can't control him yelling, being drunk or abusive now. You can't stop his enabling parents (they are a big part of this problem) now. You can live in peace. You don't have to live like this.
Please document in a journal his actions. Should you decide to leave it may help you with custody arrangements in the future.
I am sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to deal with this. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
This is pretty crude and I'm sure, from a triggered perspective. However, being ACoA, I can tell you it's also pretty accurate. Brutally honest, but I don't think there's any ACoA in recovery who's going to sugarcoat it for you. Not everyone will leave right away, and that's just a fact of life. What matters until you do leave, is what help you're getting for the children in the interim. Therapy is a must for children of active A's. They need the skills to become normal functioning adults. That's not possible without some type of intervention on their behalf.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Actually littlesister, thanks for the rant. I do appreciate it. I know I am a big advocator for leave the children out of it, get the person here to put on their own oxygen mask first, but I also do know what happens when we don't do that. I'm living it now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Originally Posted by redatlanta
I am sorry to hear this.
My RAH has chronic pancreatitis from his years of alcoholism. Btw - that eventually morphs into Type 1 Diabetes. Digestive issues, chronic pain, lots of doctors, hospitalizations, lots and lots of money. Not that it would change things as alcoholism is the disease of denial - but I would love for your AH to meet my RAH. I would like for him to take a gander and the 10 inch scars on his abdomen from 2 major surgeries. The insulin pump, the bag he carries containing a pharmacy of meds. That he seldom eats with out pain. Yep, RAH would step in a time machine if he could and stop a long time before he got to chronic pancreatitis and diabetes.
I do believe tis better to come from a broken home that live in one. Separation would result in your child living without fear 50% of the time instead of the current 100% of the time. I understand the control aspect and why people think it may be better. You can't control him yelling, being drunk or abusive now. You can't stop his enabling parents (they are a big part of this problem) now. You can live in peace. You don't have to live like this.
Please document in a journal his actions. Should you decide to leave it may help you with custody arrangements in the future.
I am sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to deal with this. Wishing you the best.
My RAH has chronic pancreatitis from his years of alcoholism. Btw - that eventually morphs into Type 1 Diabetes. Digestive issues, chronic pain, lots of doctors, hospitalizations, lots and lots of money. Not that it would change things as alcoholism is the disease of denial - but I would love for your AH to meet my RAH. I would like for him to take a gander and the 10 inch scars on his abdomen from 2 major surgeries. The insulin pump, the bag he carries containing a pharmacy of meds. That he seldom eats with out pain. Yep, RAH would step in a time machine if he could and stop a long time before he got to chronic pancreatitis and diabetes.
I do believe tis better to come from a broken home that live in one. Separation would result in your child living without fear 50% of the time instead of the current 100% of the time. I understand the control aspect and why people think it may be better. You can't control him yelling, being drunk or abusive now. You can't stop his enabling parents (they are a big part of this problem) now. You can live in peace. You don't have to live like this.
Please document in a journal his actions. Should you decide to leave it may help you with custody arrangements in the future.
I am sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to deal with this. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for posting this. I have made copies of the papers from the last visit stating that he should abstain from alcohol. I do need to start journaling though, that is a good idea.
I'm sorry to hear that your RAH has those health issues. I can't imagine how that will work out here. My ASO had stage four cancer right before we met and hes been in remission for 4 years. You'd think that he would want to stay healthy, but I guess that's the disease taking over.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
Many parents will also say, "the kids want us to stay together." Honestly, children don't know what's best for them. And the prospect of not having both parents around can be scary. Mom+dad together= happy, right? That's what's pushed on us, so it's what we think needs to happen. My parents were divorced before I ever got a say in anything or really knew what was going on. I was four. The state gave custody tp my alcoholic mother because "a child needs to be with their mother." My dad never stood a chance. Life in that home was a living hell and I used to dream of getting out. The only problem with that was I wasn't equipped with the life skills necessary to function in the outside world, or to take care of myself. I did finally get out when I was 28. And I'm never going back.
That is pretty much WHY I am still in this. Could not leave the kids alone to crazy. It is now sort of insidious Crazy. Highly packaged and glossed on the outside, but the Crazy fissures run deep.
Actually do teach them life skills that otherwise Awtf would screw them out of. Grocery shopping, cooking, budgets, on and on.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
MissFixit, depends on the state. Where I used to live it was 14, but that was based on case law, not actual law. Meaning a judge could allow the opinions of a kid to matter earlier, but also that s/he could ignore the wishes of a 15-y-o.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by littlesister1
Sorry, did not mean to be crude....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by Blossom717
Thank you for posting this. I have made copies of the papers from the last visit stating that he should abstain from alcohol. I do need to start journaling though, that is a good idea.
I'm sorry to hear that your RAH has those health issues. I can't imagine how that will work out here. My ASO had stage four cancer right before we met and hes been in remission for 4 years. You'd think that he would want to stay healthy, but I guess that's the disease taking over.
I'm sorry to hear that your RAH has those health issues. I can't imagine how that will work out here. My ASO had stage four cancer right before we met and hes been in remission for 4 years. You'd think that he would want to stay healthy, but I guess that's the disease taking over.
We have a good life - his health has improved since we got together through lots of work! For RAH to embrace sobriety he had to endure a 30 day coma - then picked up 60 days later, and went through the same thing again without benefit of coma. It is shocking to me still - that the disease is so powerful that an illness as such wouldn't stop it. I was not around at that time.
I went through a relapse with him. There will not be another for me. That's just a bomb waiting to explode if he ever picked up again. Those with chronic pancreatitis are high risk pancreatic cancer among many, many other things. Its a horrific disease that in the case of alcoholism can be avoided. Now we have to watch his fat intake (you should for your ASO too). Hard to believe but a plate of fried anything can send him to the ER. Every once in awhile he will indulge its doesn't always end up with a hospital visit, but it does always end up with 2 days feeling horrible and in bed.
Take some time and read about the chronic health issues that accompany this level of alcoholism. For me I had no idea what I was getting into (and he had been sober many years when we met). Since we have stability now its a different story, yet we still have hospitalizations and bad days. Sober I can deal. Not sober NO THANK YOU.
P.S. I have no idea if your ASO is chronic. Chronic pancreatitits is the result of acute episodes which scar the pancreas to the point that it becomes Chronic and never goes away.
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