That D Word
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
That D Word
Today, I was asked by wifey to drive her to the airport, 200 miles in the middle of the night, so she can go on a singles holiday in Greece
I said no.After assorted attempts at persuasion, she said, "We'll get a divorce then." My answer in agreement took her aback.
10 mins later, it was , "I've changed my mind." Discussion revealed the she's in love.with the bottle, with her daughter, son and herself, putting me 5th in line.This after two days' nastiness. There's no chance of her even trying to work on her drinking. The div decision stands.
'Amicable so far but this won't last...she's already talking about selling me one of the cats she brought originally.
Nevertheless, I feel a certain sense of relief even now.
I said no.After assorted attempts at persuasion, she said, "We'll get a divorce then." My answer in agreement took her aback.
10 mins later, it was , "I've changed my mind." Discussion revealed the she's in love.with the bottle, with her daughter, son and herself, putting me 5th in line.This after two days' nastiness. There's no chance of her even trying to work on her drinking. The div decision stands.
'Amicable so far but this won't last...she's already talking about selling me one of the cats she brought originally.
Nevertheless, I feel a certain sense of relief even now.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Snood, I am sorry. However, I think you are correct in all you say here. She has shown her true colors, you know you don't want this forever. I am very proud of you for sticking up for yourself.
Prepare for her to change her mind and try to manipulate things even more.
Hugs. XXX
Prepare for her to change her mind and try to manipulate things even more.
Hugs. XXX
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 368
Snood, when I read this, I could barely believe it. She wants to go on a singles holiday in Greece and wanted her HUSBAND to drive her?????
You have made such a huge step. Well done. Only good things can happen now. Just think, your money will all be yours, your time will all be yours, no more playing chauffeur, peaceful happy home, no nagging, no drinking!
So happy for you. Well done!
You have made such a huge step. Well done. Only good things can happen now. Just think, your money will all be yours, your time will all be yours, no more playing chauffeur, peaceful happy home, no nagging, no drinking!
So happy for you. Well done!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Grateful thanks, folks!
It feels like dealing with a splinter, painful when it's there, hurts to pull it out but such a relief when it's gone.
Of course, she's been Mrs. Pleasant for the time I've been home. I immediately went to the solicitor's office and had my will shredded. She spent the afternoon on the phone and has appointments next week.
As expected, she has an inflated idea of what she'll be receiving but I've played it cool. We'll see but I think she might have figured one thing...if she treats me badly one more time, I'll make things very, very difficult.
Talk about Non Illigetimi Carburundum!
Will keep you posted.
It feels like dealing with a splinter, painful when it's there, hurts to pull it out but such a relief when it's gone.
Of course, she's been Mrs. Pleasant for the time I've been home. I immediately went to the solicitor's office and had my will shredded. She spent the afternoon on the phone and has appointments next week.
As expected, she has an inflated idea of what she'll be receiving but I've played it cool. We'll see but I think she might have figured one thing...if she treats me badly one more time, I'll make things very, very difficult.
Talk about Non Illigetimi Carburundum!
Will keep you posted.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Just a very swift update for now.
There's been an abrupt U-turn and no more temper and a little less booze. But she's urging me to make a new will, identical to the old one.
She's clearly realised that she was about to lose a lot of money. She still will...she just doesn't know it yet!
There's been an abrupt U-turn and no more temper and a little less booze. But she's urging me to make a new will, identical to the old one.
She's clearly realised that she was about to lose a lot of money. She still will...she just doesn't know it yet!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Be prepared for sugary sweet manipulation. Keep standing up for yourself. And then be prepared for the wrath when she doesn't get her way.
None of it will be your fault although she will make it about you. Stay strong.
None of it will be your fault although she will make it about you. Stay strong.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
If she's anything close to being as manipulative as my crazy ex wife, she's only falling back to an agreeable state because her "plan" is not working out for her. Typically these types will fall back and come up with a new plan and be agreeable and friendly until it's time to implement the plan.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Sorry for your troubles, Snood. I was in the same situation but regrettably I was on the other side of the equation. As a drunk I was no good to be around but I was blind to it, thinking everything was her fault. I know it's painful to go through divorce (my own was the worst experience of my life so far, save seeing my dad pass away) but you have to get out the way of that hurricane to save yourself and your sanity.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Snood 
Just a very swift update for now.
There's been an abrupt U-turn and no more temper and a little less booze. But she's urging me to make a new will, identical to the old one.
She's clearly realised that she was about to lose a lot of money. She still will...she just doesn't know it yet!
There's been an abrupt U-turn and no more temper and a little less booze. But she's urging me to make a new will, identical to the old one.
She's clearly realised that she was about to lose a lot of money. She still will...she just doesn't know it yet!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Well,folks, thank you for your input and your concern.
I've been rather busy over Easter but I can update you now.
First, we've had the great news that my BIL hasn't got a malignant growth inside. It's a benign cyst that will have to be removed. Big operation but it will solve the problem.
Wifey, as many predicted, is being notably pleasant. I know she daren't shout at me because she wants me to make that will. I've figured out a way of doing this for minimal outlay...she'll have to be happy with that. My barrister friend is happy to be the executor and trustee, and I can trust him completely.
Still no intimacy but the last person I'd ever touch is an unwilling partner. As regards the divorce, my threat has revealed a few aspects I hadn't foreseen, and a home truth or two.
It's interesting that, as soon as she could see I was serious, the prospect of her losing a lot financially hit home big time. Hence the U-turn on behaviour - even the drinking has lessened a little.
With the benefit of hindsight and non rose-tinted glasses, I can now see what happened.She found me on the 'net and decided to use me as a means of escaping from the husband who'd bankrupted the family business. In addition, my professional qualifications led her to believe that I'd look after her 'mentally ill' daughter. So, she used her wiles, and her body, to snare me. Even the little details fit this paradigm.
So what next? I'm interested to see how her wanting to 'try again' pans out. I've only committed as far as saying that we'll see how it goes. So she's the one on the razor's edge now.It means I can be co-operative to all outward appearances.Underneath, I can and will be hard as nails.
Am I being foolish over this will thing? It may seem so but Plan B is already in operation. I simply want to stop her nagging about it for the moment.
What I'll probably end up doing may seem harsh but I feel it's fair exchange for four years of uncertainty with added misery.
Watch this space...
Meanwhile, Al-Anon tomorrow evening, archery and rifles later in the week and I'm still in touch with my 'girlfriend'
I've been rather busy over Easter but I can update you now.
First, we've had the great news that my BIL hasn't got a malignant growth inside. It's a benign cyst that will have to be removed. Big operation but it will solve the problem.
Wifey, as many predicted, is being notably pleasant. I know she daren't shout at me because she wants me to make that will. I've figured out a way of doing this for minimal outlay...she'll have to be happy with that. My barrister friend is happy to be the executor and trustee, and I can trust him completely.
Still no intimacy but the last person I'd ever touch is an unwilling partner. As regards the divorce, my threat has revealed a few aspects I hadn't foreseen, and a home truth or two.
It's interesting that, as soon as she could see I was serious, the prospect of her losing a lot financially hit home big time. Hence the U-turn on behaviour - even the drinking has lessened a little.
With the benefit of hindsight and non rose-tinted glasses, I can now see what happened.She found me on the 'net and decided to use me as a means of escaping from the husband who'd bankrupted the family business. In addition, my professional qualifications led her to believe that I'd look after her 'mentally ill' daughter. So, she used her wiles, and her body, to snare me. Even the little details fit this paradigm.
So what next? I'm interested to see how her wanting to 'try again' pans out. I've only committed as far as saying that we'll see how it goes. So she's the one on the razor's edge now.It means I can be co-operative to all outward appearances.Underneath, I can and will be hard as nails.
Am I being foolish over this will thing? It may seem so but Plan B is already in operation. I simply want to stop her nagging about it for the moment.
What I'll probably end up doing may seem harsh but I feel it's fair exchange for four years of uncertainty with added misery.
Watch this space...
Meanwhile, Al-Anon tomorrow evening, archery and rifles later in the week and I'm still in touch with my 'girlfriend'
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
A little of my story. I filed for divorce from my ex-wife in 2010. She was emotionally and verbally abusive. When it escalated to her attacking me physically. I filed for divorce the next day. We had a pre-marital agreement in which she would basically leave the marriage with nothing. She tried to have that set aside in court saying she had been coerced into signing it. When that failed, she came begging for a reconciliation. Said she would go to therapy once a week for a minimum of a year to deal with her issues. So many apologies, so much good behavior.
Unfortunately, I agreed to give it a try. Probably one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. About 8 months later, she convinced me to move to another state. Away from my family and support network. I gave up a great business in doing so. Foolishly I believed her. I've always had a tendency to bee too trusting and naive.
Eight months after we relocated things went down hill rapidly, the abuse began again, worse than before. She had played her game and had her Plan "B" ready to spring on me.
Long story short, her Plan B did not work out exactly the way she expected, but it cost huge sums of money to attorneys and two years of emotional agony to finally be done with her.
Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing! That's also the name of a book about manipulators, worth a read!
Unfortunately, I agreed to give it a try. Probably one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. About 8 months later, she convinced me to move to another state. Away from my family and support network. I gave up a great business in doing so. Foolishly I believed her. I've always had a tendency to bee too trusting and naive.
Eight months after we relocated things went down hill rapidly, the abuse began again, worse than before. She had played her game and had her Plan "B" ready to spring on me.
Long story short, her Plan B did not work out exactly the way she expected, but it cost huge sums of money to attorneys and two years of emotional agony to finally be done with her.
Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing! That's also the name of a book about manipulators, worth a read!
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