I don't know how.........

Old 04-16-2014, 12:52 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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It starts with accepting him not for who he used to be or who you wish him to be or who he could be, or for anyone besides the person he is right now. I know it isn't easy, but he is giving you all of the information you need to do so.
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Old 04-16-2014, 01:04 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by myfreedom View Post
I don't know how, don't know where to start, I just want to get to that point.
We are give you suggestions on how to get to that point. Stop communicating with him unless it is absolutely necessary regarding the children. Turn off your phone or direct his calls/texts to your trash folder. Tell him you need a few weeks without contact and then take that time. If he continues to attempt contact, block his number.

YOU are going to have to be the one to get yourself through this. Be proactive and focus on yourself and your kids. They need you. He does not.
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Old 04-16-2014, 01:17 PM
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I am starting to research trauma bonding. WOW!!!! Very powerful stuff
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Old 04-17-2014, 11:21 AM
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I learned SO much from this site...more than I ever dreamed I would. But, I also know my head was spinning for awhile trying to "fix" myself and cramming as much as I could into my head. It only seemed to make things more confusing.

Take everything one step at a time. What's your first step? (I so wanted to tell you what I thought you should do---and, then decided maybe you should decide that for yourself. We codies - we just don't know how to quit!) What's the most important thing here? Definitely some space away from him will help you clarify at least what your immediate needs are and what you need to do for yourself and your kids.

Right now, his needs don't matter to you. He's a grown man with the capability to change his life, keep drinking, whatever he wishes to do.

Change how you are reacting to what he's doing and go NC. That will bring you all the answers you need.
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