Made a list.
 

I was journaling about my anger and disappointment with my SO and am thinking of taking it to our counseling appointment tomorrow. I know it's best to frame issues as "I" statements, but if I pull out this notebook and start rattling things off I feel like it will seem like an attack. However, I don't want to forget half the stuff I've been thinking about and the issues that need to be addressed, which always seems to happen. Am I being perfectionistic and unreasonable? I just want to be heard and understood without seeming like I'm pointing the finger at him for everything.

I understand couples therapy can be a good thing, but you likely need individual therapy for you too so you don't have to worry about that. I think it is all in how you say it. If you say "These things have pi$$ed me off," that will seem like an attack. If you say, "I have a list of things I think we both need to work on," not so much. I bet if you calibrate your list to say, "It hurt my feelings when....", or adding I statements to your current list of how it made you feel, it can come across just fine.

Your a writer, I know you can do it!!!

XXX

Thanks, hopeful. We both go to individual therapy already. Tomorrow we are meeting with his therapist, who is an amazing guy. I am overthinking.

LOL...yes, you are! You will do great. Glad to hear you are both in individual too. I think it is so important to have that also.

Hope it all goes well!

I don't think a written list is unreasonable. I had to do it when I talked with my rAH. (I posted about it briefly). He tends to get me off track and manipulate things and I wanted to stay to the points (and I used the "I" method also). I wish you luck. I wish mine would look into therapy (individual and jointly, I have been going on my own for a year now). It was one of my stipulations in him moving back home after rehab. He never even brought it up again after the initial conversation (same with most of the issues). I waited and waited.

I think it would have really helped to have a third party to navigate the path (one way or another), but again, this is my wish and he isn't interested so I have to move on. He can't or wont do what is needed in the relationship and I can't continue to do it all and be unhappy. He has the right to live the way he wants and so do I and the two paths are far, far apart.

Instead of taking your journal, could you rewrite the issues from your journal into a list, using I statements and removing anything inflammatory? I know my journal contains some pretty raw emotions that might trigger some overreactions on my part if I used it as the basis of joint therapy....

I'm a big list maker too - it just helps me to feel more organized in my mind honestly. I remember details better if I have taken the time to consciously write them down (even silly stuff like grocery lists) so re-writing it like the other posters suggested would be a good exercise for me, & I may not even need to refer to it during the meeting necessarily.

It might also be worth stepping back from another angle & making a secondary list of the positive changes you've noticed (if applicable, not making assumptions ;) ). I do that sometimes when I feel mired in the negative about a situation to try to see if there is more balance or progress than I am focused on seeing at the moment. It helps me see it in more dimension, if that makes sense? It's late, I'm babbling, but I do hope you are getting some Zen time tonight.... good luck tomorrow!! Namaste!

I think I just needed to write it out and organize my thoughts. I am focusing on the negative because I'm still angry about the lying. He had a great night at Shambhala and I think it was good for him to go alone. Although I really love the meditation group I just needed some "me" time. I also think it's good for him to socialize with people without me there.

Thanks for the encouragement! I think tomorrow will be productive.

Good luck, tomorrow! :)