tjol81

Firstly, you're more than good enough. Unless you physically poured alcohol down his neck, you are guiltless in the decisions of another adult. You are two separate people so don't ever judge yourself by his actions.

Secondly, if he does find someone else, and he does stop drinking - be happy. Be happy for him that he finally has control of his life, and be happy for yourself that you will never have to be that person he drove to to become again. It sounds crazy now, but think of it like this, you're feeling anger, shame and upset now because that's what's been shown to you and that's what you see. You are mirroring him. When the sting is lesser and you are more secure in yourself, let yourself be happy, and those who matter will mirror that back into you.

YOU have the control, and YOU have the power. Now YOU decide whether it's a burden to keep you down, or a gift to lift you up.

Butterfly

I am fortunate that my husband doesn't blame me for his drinking and has told me non of this is my fault that it's down to him. He is saying that he left because he can't keep hurting me and I know that's him refusing to take responsibility for his actions and taking the easy option rather than deal with the battle of addiction. it's me that is looking at myself and saying what did I do wrong was it because of me that he drank because I made him unhappy??

I always blame myself because I do not believe that I deserve love and happiness all comes from my childhood!

Butterfly

My husband hurt me deeply but he hasn't shown anger to me even when he's drunk yes he can be nasty usually when he wants to continue to binge but when he's not drinking he's can be loving and thoughtful.

As I said I am fortunate that my husband doesn't blame me I blame me

Seren

I say this with all the best wishes and hopes for your joyful future....have you seriously considered counseling. I found a great benefit from it when I was barely able to get through each day during my divorce.

Seren

And you need to stop this sort of thinking, because you are lying to yourself. You are not to blame, you never have been. You are worthy of a fully-present and loving partner in your life.

You are worthy of every happiness.

Butterfly

I'm on the waiting list for counselling

shil2587

Keeping it short and sweet because I know I couldn't concentrate very well when it was me.

- Eat takeaways on occassion as a treat to pamper myself.
- Clean the flat obsessively.
- Cry. ALOT. It's ok to feel things, really truly ok to cry and shout and self-talk.
- Get rid of everything he touched. Replaced all my bedding and bought fancy pretty things instead.
- Work overtime, keep busy and occupied.
- Invite friends over (I didn't want to, but it did help) and cook a really complex meal for them to keep busy.
- Film nights, lots of them.
- Go on long walks in the country
- Go camping with a bunch of silly books and fall asleep in the sun.

Most importantly...
- Time. Don't feel guilty for feeling bad, it's normal, it's even healthy. Just try to trust that in time, you will feel a bit less sh*t.
- SR. Keep reading here. It helps.