Becoming a shopaholic
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
And, I wanted to say that I read this on Project 333's website last week and I was thisclose to sharing it here. Sound familiar?
I won’t be including the following 5 items, and I hope you won’t either.
1. Perfectionism
You might not get this right the first time around and chances are, at the end of 3 months, you’ll see everything differently. Don’t worry about doing it right. This is a challenge, an experiment. And in 3 months, you can do it all over again.
2. Comparison
My wardrobe won’t look like your wardrobe. You don’t have to wear all black, or a dress that you can use 5 different ways. You live in different seasons, different lifestyles and have different tastes in clothes. Make this project your own. If you watch the #project333 hashtag on Instagram, you’ll see that this is not a one size fits all challenge.
3. Inflexibility
If you get started and the shoes you included aren’t working, swap them out. Just because you wrote your list on paper, doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Be fierce, but flexible.
4. Guilt
When you are boxing up your clothes, you might feel guilty for spending so much on things you don’t wear. What you should be feeling is proud that you are open to change. You should be feeling excited about a new challenge. Feel happy that your clothes may be going to someone who really needs them.
5. Suffering
If you wear out your favorite pair of jeans, or a coat that you included becomes a little too snug, replace it. If you are unhappy with your selection, re-select. Use Project 333 as a way to learn about what you really need and want in your closet instead of a punishment. This should be fun and make your life easier. If you are suffering or struggling, change something or ask for help.
1. Perfectionism
You might not get this right the first time around and chances are, at the end of 3 months, you’ll see everything differently. Don’t worry about doing it right. This is a challenge, an experiment. And in 3 months, you can do it all over again.
2. Comparison
My wardrobe won’t look like your wardrobe. You don’t have to wear all black, or a dress that you can use 5 different ways. You live in different seasons, different lifestyles and have different tastes in clothes. Make this project your own. If you watch the #project333 hashtag on Instagram, you’ll see that this is not a one size fits all challenge.
3. Inflexibility
If you get started and the shoes you included aren’t working, swap them out. Just because you wrote your list on paper, doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Be fierce, but flexible.
4. Guilt
When you are boxing up your clothes, you might feel guilty for spending so much on things you don’t wear. What you should be feeling is proud that you are open to change. You should be feeling excited about a new challenge. Feel happy that your clothes may be going to someone who really needs them.
5. Suffering
If you wear out your favorite pair of jeans, or a coat that you included becomes a little too snug, replace it. If you are unhappy with your selection, re-select. Use Project 333 as a way to learn about what you really need and want in your closet instead of a punishment. This should be fun and make your life easier. If you are suffering or struggling, change something or ask for help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 3
I am a shopaholic.
After having a discussion/argument with my hubby about the £2200 I ran up in overdraft (he took out a loan for me so I can get back to zero and work with money as opposed to always beign overdrawn) I went out to the shops and bought myself a small pretty tin and a pretty notebook. I had a budget in my purse (now using cash so I can only spend what I have) but I did not need to make those purchases and I only did them to make myself feel good. I even said to the shop assistant when she asked if she could help me that I was "just shopping to make myself feel better".
I don't know how to stop feeling this way about spending!
After having a discussion/argument with my hubby about the £2200 I ran up in overdraft (he took out a loan for me so I can get back to zero and work with money as opposed to always beign overdrawn) I went out to the shops and bought myself a small pretty tin and a pretty notebook. I had a budget in my purse (now using cash so I can only spend what I have) but I did not need to make those purchases and I only did them to make myself feel good. I even said to the shop assistant when she asked if she could help me that I was "just shopping to make myself feel better".
I don't know how to stop feeling this way about spending!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi liza, the best way I know is to deprive myself of money and obviously make the credit card unaccessible. I'm like you, in that I love browsing and shopping, but my focus now is on finding the ultimate bargain, and that keeps me interested.
You could allow yourself $X per month and make it a challenge to get the best bargain possible. Here is my best - Bras - which I did need, reduced from $90 to $27, and they were the best fitting ones I've ever had, and gorgeous.
Not sure if this addresses your real problem, but I love discussing shopping!
You could allow yourself $X per month and make it a challenge to get the best bargain possible. Here is my best - Bras - which I did need, reduced from $90 to $27, and they were the best fitting ones I've ever had, and gorgeous.
Not sure if this addresses your real problem, but I love discussing shopping!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 3
OK the picture didn't work.
Here is the poem:
Shopaholic - 13th August 2014
I'm short of money so to comfort me,
I bought this notebook, oh the irony!
Not sure how to break this habit.
In the headlights, I am the rabbit.
I like the feeling, the buzz I get -
something I've not been able to replicate yet.
Must think of the future. I need control.
Not to let myself sink into a deeper hole!
Here is the poem:
Shopaholic - 13th August 2014
I'm short of money so to comfort me,
I bought this notebook, oh the irony!
Not sure how to break this habit.
In the headlights, I am the rabbit.
I like the feeling, the buzz I get -
something I've not been able to replicate yet.
Must think of the future. I need control.
Not to let myself sink into a deeper hole!
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I am an obsessional shopper it started several years ago it was my thing where I sought comfort and enjoyment and a sense of freedom. My separated AH never had any idea how much I spent on clothes, it was my addiction and because he kept such a tight reign on the finances, I kept money out of my wages that he didn't know about. Literally every month for years I would have to tell him how much I earned in my wages and he would tell me how much I could have, after I paid for all the household bills, he would take some to clear debts which never seemed to be paid off but I was left with very little. So I started telling him less than what I really got so I could have money to myself and do what I wanted with it. If I wanted something for the house it was always we can't afford it or when we move house. I know it wasn't right and I did/do feel guilty about it.
When he left the first thing I did was get my order credit card and I went nuts it was wonderful having complete financial freedom. I think I did it to give me something to do and to make me feel good. I have settled a bit now mostly as I have to repay it all lol but I actually feel settled and don't feel the same obsession to have items I see in stores now. I think for me it was having some control in a world where I felt out of of control
When he left the first thing I did was get my order credit card and I went nuts it was wonderful having complete financial freedom. I think I did it to give me something to do and to make me feel good. I have settled a bit now mostly as I have to repay it all lol but I actually feel settled and don't feel the same obsession to have items I see in stores now. I think for me it was having some control in a world where I felt out of of control
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
What a friend of mine does might work as a temporary fix for you.
She goes to the big department store, and picks up and carries around the clothes that really appeal to her. Then, at some point, when the load gets heavy, she starts replacing the less attractive ones and culls the pile down to the ones she really likes. Then she carries them around whilst shopping more. The absolute favorites, she takes into the dressing room. The rest she puts back. She hangs the ones that she thinks fit her best on one rack and puts the others in the discard pile.
Then she carries the ones she thinks she really wants around a bit longer.
By then, she has had possession of them for quite a while, and her appetite is satisfied. Most often, she puts them all back, and leaves the store quite content with all her money intact.
It doesn't address the WHY we think we need possessions to fill a hole that something else is making, but it does protect the pocketbook.
ShootingStar1
She goes to the big department store, and picks up and carries around the clothes that really appeal to her. Then, at some point, when the load gets heavy, she starts replacing the less attractive ones and culls the pile down to the ones she really likes. Then she carries them around whilst shopping more. The absolute favorites, she takes into the dressing room. The rest she puts back. She hangs the ones that she thinks fit her best on one rack and puts the others in the discard pile.
Then she carries the ones she thinks she really wants around a bit longer.
By then, she has had possession of them for quite a while, and her appetite is satisfied. Most often, she puts them all back, and leaves the store quite content with all her money intact.
It doesn't address the WHY we think we need possessions to fill a hole that something else is making, but it does protect the pocketbook.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Originally Posted by stella27 
Here's what I covet lately:
1. eyelash extensions
2. a certain dress in a pricey boutique that I think would just complete my life.
3. more manicures.
4. a boob job.
When I look beneath the surface of all my have-to-haves, I see a desire to be attractive to other people.
Could that POSSIBLY be related to being divorced? To being invisible to my husband for 14 years? To being told I was sexually undesirable?
Is there a better way to get those needs met? Definitely.
Do I still want and obsess over those things? Yes.
This is how I know I have a problem.
1. eyelash extensions
2. a certain dress in a pricey boutique that I think would just complete my life.
3. more manicures.
4. a boob job.
When I look beneath the surface of all my have-to-haves, I see a desire to be attractive to other people.
Could that POSSIBLY be related to being divorced? To being invisible to my husband for 14 years? To being told I was sexually undesirable?
Is there a better way to get those needs met? Definitely.
Do I still want and obsess over those things? Yes.
This is how I know I have a problem.
My spending spree went on my house. When my X moved out, I did some repairs that I desperately needed done. Also did some things I did not. He says it was just me trying to erase him from the house....maybe so.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
I used to be a big shopper. But it was very unfulfilling, particularly when the bills came. Material things were a huge idol in my life -- I spent so much energy and money obtaining things that never truly made me happy. In the last two years, I downsized. I sold a bunch of things. I gave a bunch of things away. I haven't bought anything new in ages, and I find I enjoy just shopping in my closet and playing around with different accessories and combinations.
I'm out of debt. I'm free. And, go figure, happier!
I'm out of debt. I'm free. And, go figure, happier!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I haven't been on for a week or so and saw that this thread had been resurrected. It was kind of timely, quite frankly, because I was really feeling convicted that I needed to get a handle on things and get a budget started, etc.
So, I felt very convicted to the point of tears to where I wrote an email to my RAH that I was sorry for my spending, that I am nearly caught up on paying off most things (a few hundred here and there), and that I am looking into budgeting and revamping our finances. I told him that if that makes him uncomfortable than he is welcome to step in and I told him that I speak to my sponsor on a regular basis about this and we discuss accountability and how I'm doing with this responsibility. I have no idea how he'll take it nor do I care, it just felt like a huge weight had been lifted the minute I hit the send button.
So, I felt very convicted to the point of tears to where I wrote an email to my RAH that I was sorry for my spending, that I am nearly caught up on paying off most things (a few hundred here and there), and that I am looking into budgeting and revamping our finances. I told him that if that makes him uncomfortable than he is welcome to step in and I told him that I speak to my sponsor on a regular basis about this and we discuss accountability and how I'm doing with this responsibility. I have no idea how he'll take it nor do I care, it just felt like a huge weight had been lifted the minute I hit the send button.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
1) I got eyelash extensions. They're fun for about one day, then everything gets stuck to the glue, you can never touch your eyes, and they are way too long for daily wear. I trimmed mine, they looked ridiculous, then I pulled them off, which is NOT ADVISED.
2) Find out what size fits you, then get it on eBay. Then you have to deal with your new eBay habit. Let me know whether you figure that out, because I need help.
2) Find out what size fits you, then get it on eBay. Then you have to deal with your new eBay habit. Let me know whether you figure that out, because I need help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I indulge my clothes shopping/decorating jones at Goodwill. My rule is that if I go to Goodwill, I must have at least one small bag of items to donate. It's cheap, it's cash only and when I inevitably get tired of stuff I can drop it right back where I got it for someone else to get tired of. Right now I'm loving my big, flashy faux snakeskin purse.
One caveat- I do spring for new shoes, socks, workout clothes and undergarments. I'm not that cheap, lol.
Agree with ShootingStar, usually just browsing awhile and carrying stuff around is satisfying enough, plus not everything makes it past the dressing room check, cute on the hanger doesn't always mean it's cute on me.
One caveat- I do spring for new shoes, socks, workout clothes and undergarments. I'm not that cheap, lol.
Agree with ShootingStar, usually just browsing awhile and carrying stuff around is satisfying enough, plus not everything makes it past the dressing room check, cute on the hanger doesn't always mean it's cute on me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I've been struggling with this too. Sometimes I rationalize by shopping for my kids. Lately however I've become obsessed with replacing my 15-year-old car with a luxury vehicle, which I cannot really afford. Ironically, or perhaps not, XAH now lives in his car.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It's called "trading up addictions". Addicts (including codependents) become obsessed with lots of things to escape their feelings. Alcohol, food, other people, shopping, there are the most common.
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