Mom is always drunk
 

Let me start with I'm 130 days drink free. Something really bothering me lately. I think since I'm now sober I'm falling into Co-Dependency again!! My mom has always been a drinker since before I was born. Nothing has ever stopped her drinking. During my destructive drinking days I was able to detach and for the most part ignore her drinking. She is a fully functional alcoholic. Works six days a week. She HATES her job. She makes $10/hr to run someone else's business. She has stuck with this job for EIGHT years. The owner is finally selling. I was going to buy it, fix it up and hand it off to my mom so she would be all set in her future, since she has not saved a dime nor has any real skills or education. She did not want the responsibility involved to be an owner. ?? Baffles me. I was hesitant anyway, because since I have been negotiating with the current owner, I have had much more contact with my mom than usual. Because of that contact I'm seeing her heavy drinking. It breaks my heart. She is so sweet and kind but when she drinks, she is mean, loud and miserable. We have decided not to do the business deal. I'm relieved because I can't handle alot of time around my mom. Now I find myself offering to pay her medical insurance monthly because I'm worried about her not having insurance. AND now I'm worried about inventing a new job for her when this one ends in six weeks. I confronted her tonight because she called me slurring because my brother is being threatening and he is also a substance abuse and alchy. I told her to call 911 but to be careful because she sounds very intoxicated. I told her that I hope she stops getting drunk all the time. It is starting to consume me. Again! I need gentle reminders of how to let go of her drinking reality and focus on my recovering reality.
:lala

I think you already know that you can't change it.

it is perfectly okay to work on yourself and to let your mom take her own journey. I understand how conflicting it is when someone we love so much is self-destructing.

stay on your own course. your mom will need a healthy shoulder someday.

Would she go back to school for a new skill?

Peace.

Hi, if she won't look for recovery herself you won't be able to help her with her alcoholism.

I do see the practical side of how she's going to earn a living, but if she's always intoxicated does she have much hope of finding a job. I think you should resist the urge to step in an work it out for her though, given that you can't spend much time with her and you know she's going to drink.

Wow, I know how it feels to have a parent who is alcoholic. It is very hard to deal with.

Perhaps an intervention of sorts, with those who care for her, might wake her up. Its probably a long shot, but may be worth a try. If it does not help, then she will have to come to the realization that she has to quit, all on her own. Consequences do it for a lot of alcoholics.

I hope things work out. my heart hurts for you.
taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for everyone.

:hug:

Hi sunshine,

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Do you have a support system for yourself? It's okay to hold tight to your own sobriety first and foremost and it's so wonderful that you're already aware of that! :)

Was there a reason you were worried about your mom calling 911 when she had been drinking? If your mom and brother don't want help in ending their addictions, the best thing might be to not support their addictions in any way, including your mom's insurance or job situation. If you have the extra money each month, perhaps put it away in an emergency fund and work out with a therapist the best long term use to save that for.

What finally helped me is reaching out for help and finding out who to turn things over to. It's okay to call 911 for a well check if you're concerned about them. I never knew this before. Any of the times I was worried about my husband's health, that I could have called for help for myself, because of my worry, and let someone else deal with him.

What really frustrated me was not knowing where to turn to, who to get help from. First I needed to start my own recovery. One day at a time. Often when the big picture is too overwhelming, I need to break it down to the small things I need to be doing for myself. The rest somehow winds up resolving itself without my interference. That part still amazes me. Somewhere along the way, the tools I've been learning to use have been changing me, and that changes everything.

Caring about them doesn't mean being a provider and caretaker. There are volunteer organizations equipped to handle those things. This was a new realization for me too, since I'd been looking for help locally and wasn't finding it. If our loved ones really want help, it is available for them. If they don't want help, there is nothing in the world I can do to change that.

The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
The Salvation Army - Housing and Homeless Services

Let her find her own job she needs consequences. She is a grown women who needs to look after herself. Detach and look after you. Hugs

Dessy Thank you for the reminder!!! I needed to hear that!!!!

Maybe she will realise she cant keep drinking if she has to get off her but and find herself a job and that there is consequences to her drinking. She is an adult and has to make her own decisions and be responsible for herself. you worry about you sometimes all we can do is let it go and see what happens. We cant control others even if we want too. Sounds like the less you have to deal with her the better for yourown mental health