healthyagain

So, let's say he failed miserably. My zero-tolerance policy did not work too well. This could have been expected. When you forbid an alcoholic to drink under your roof, he or she will not stop. They will just become sneakier about it (yes, we all know that, don't we). My AH apparently knows every trick in an alcoholic manual when it comes to hiding and sneaking behind your back. But he always does something that tells me that he has been drinking. My codie senses told me yesterday he was mixing whiskey and coffee. How did I know this? He was using a different mug. The type with a lid. The question quickly came to my mind "Why would he use this indoors?" And it was just one of those "Aha! Busted!" moments. So, that would be the bad thing.

The good thing is, I know what my next step is. I have learned many many things about him in the past seven days:

1) How bad his condition is
2) How passive-aggressive he is
3) How sneaky he is
4) That when he asks me "Are you OK?" actually means "Are you OK with ME?" because God forbid I say that I am not OK
5) How careful I have to be because he is super controlling, but in a very covert manner
6) Getting out of this relationship is going to be though

All these have justified my decision to leave. Now I have to figure out how. There are many things that will be against me, but his behavior is oh so inspiring. I think I can do it.

dandylion

harlthyagain---ABSOLUTELY, you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awareness......Acceptance.......ACTION.

dandylion

embraced2000

hi healthyagain....when my xah asked me if I was ok, it usually meant he was concerned I had learned something new about what he was doing and he was waiting for the shoe to drop. never would he have discussed whatever "it" was.....just testing the waters to see if he needed to scramble for cover story.

sad. very sad.

and like you, I was constantly "on alert".....24/7. looking for signs and clues of this horrible addiction and how it changes who we all become.

once, I decided to outwit him on his alcohol consumption. I cleverly thought of huge ice cubes, ya know, liquid displacement theory......more big ice cubes, less room for alky-hol.

I went on a mad search of yard sales to find those old fashioned metal ice cube trays with the lever down the middle. couldn't find any. but I spent an entire weekend covering 3 counties of yard sales.

never, and I mean never, did it occur to me to make my own big ice cubes.

yeah....that would have worked soooooooo much better! lol

point is......it would not have made one grain of sands difference in the whole scheme of things. just kept me crazzzzzzzyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

embraced---Bigger icecubes!!!!!!!!!! winter6 That is a new one. I thought I had heard it all.


(sorry for this brief hijack)

dandylion

FeelingGreat

hi healthyagain, I've found that once you make up your mind and take action, things you thought were big obstacles seem to melt away. Sort of like giving up drinking was for me. Nothing worked until I really made up my mind; after that nothing could stop me.

So make your plans to disentangle yourself and I'm sure it will all come together when you're ready.

PS: I sort of felt sorry for your AH, sneaking around with his mug of whiskey. It is a horrible thing.

healthyagain

Exactly! That is how I see it! I mean, for two weeks he absolutely ignored me, I could have literary died next to him, and then this morning he is like "Are you OK? Is everything OK?" ten times in ten minutes. Only because he is drunk again and wants my (negative) reaction. And no matter how annoying that was, I tried to stay as nice as possible, and told him that everything was juuust fine. It will take some superhuman effort, but I'll have to act as if nothing bad is going on. I see no evil, hear no evil, and say no evil. Because I saw a very very ugly side of him, and I will have to be as cunning as possible to end this.

embraced2000

could be. could not be. in my experience, it was because my xah actually thought I didn't notice he was drunk, and was sticking his toe in the water to see if I would actually notice he was drunk.

kinda like a small child who thinks if they cover their eyes, that you can't see them.

embraced2000

[QUOTE=healthyagain;4588348]So, let's say he failed miserably. My zero-tolerance policy did not work too well. This could have been expected. When you forbid an alcoholic to drink under your roof, he or she will not stop. They will just become sneakier about it (yes, we all know that, don't we). My AH apparently knows every trick in an alcoholic manual when it comes to hiding and sneaking behind your back. But he always does something that tells me that he has been drinking. My codie senses told me yesterday he was mixing whiskey and coffee. How did I know this? He was using a different mug. The type with a lid. The question quickly came to my mind "Why would he use this indoors?" And it was just one of those "Aha! Busted!" moments. So, that would be the bad thing.

The good thing is, I know what my next step is. I have learned many many things about him in the past seven days:

1) How bad his condition is
2) How passive-aggressive he is
3) How sneaky he is
4) That when he asks me "Are you OK?" actually means "Are you OK with ME?" because God forbid I say that I am not OK
5) How careful I have to be because he is super controlling, but in a very covert manner
6) Getting out of this relationship is going to be though

one step at a time.....I remember how this all looked for me. a big tangled ball of yarn.....where to begin?????

I remember making the decision that it was finally over. step one.

now, how to do it?

baby steps was all I could take. if I looked into the future to see this task completed, it was too overwhelming for me to even try to accomplish.

had to break it into small steps with my ultimate goal of separation as the light at the end of the tunnel.

millions of others have done it....you can too.

onward and upward!!!! stay strong, you can make this change.

embraced2000

oops...sorry bout that quotey quote thingy. still don't know how to do it correctly.

healthyagain

I love your signature, embraced2000!

As I said, it is going to be tough. I think I am somewhere between acceptance, planning, and action. Action might take some time, because I want to do it right. No quick decisions. But I think that my heart is pretty much done.