Family
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10
Family
Hi,
I was just going to see if I could get some advice. I come from a family of drinkers. Family get togethers usually revolve around drinking. Last year I finally realized that my drinking was getting to a point where it was becoming a problem. I slowed down significantly. I stopped drinking for a while and now enjoy alcohol in moderation (most of the time). My issue now is with the rest of my family.
Over the past few years, my parents drinking has gotten to a point where it is borederline out of control. They are very wealthy. My dads business has skyrocketed, making him very wealthy. The downside to this has been his drinking and attitude. He has gone from a moderate drinker on a daily basis (1-2 drinks a day) to drinking glasses of high end vodka to the point where he is slurring his words on a nightly basis. It is annoying to say the least. He has 5 grandchildren at this point, works a crazy amount of hours, and the time that he is not working, is spent drinking. At this point, I dont know what I should do. I dont know if I should say something.
I dont think I can say something to him, because it is extremly difficult and ackward. If I mention it to my mom, she usually shrugs it off. I have two brothers and none of us feel comfortable in the situation....Anyone have any ideas about this???
I was just going to see if I could get some advice. I come from a family of drinkers. Family get togethers usually revolve around drinking. Last year I finally realized that my drinking was getting to a point where it was becoming a problem. I slowed down significantly. I stopped drinking for a while and now enjoy alcohol in moderation (most of the time). My issue now is with the rest of my family.
Over the past few years, my parents drinking has gotten to a point where it is borederline out of control. They are very wealthy. My dads business has skyrocketed, making him very wealthy. The downside to this has been his drinking and attitude. He has gone from a moderate drinker on a daily basis (1-2 drinks a day) to drinking glasses of high end vodka to the point where he is slurring his words on a nightly basis. It is annoying to say the least. He has 5 grandchildren at this point, works a crazy amount of hours, and the time that he is not working, is spent drinking. At this point, I dont know what I should do. I dont know if I should say something.
I dont think I can say something to him, because it is extremly difficult and ackward. If I mention it to my mom, she usually shrugs it off. I have two brothers and none of us feel comfortable in the situation....Anyone have any ideas about this???
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello MA50, Welcome to SR!
I'm happy to hear that you yourself realized things were going a bit off the rails and did something about it. Perhaps that is the approach you could take if you decide to speak to your dad. Something along the lines of what made you decide you had a problem and how you see the same thing in him and that you are worried for his health.
If you do speak with your dad about your concerns, be prepared for those words to not have an effect. Unfortunately, in order for your dad to stop drinking successfully, the recognition that it is a problem and that motivation to change has to come from within.
I hope you will take some time a read around these boards. There is a ton of great information at the top of each forum (the 'stickies'). You are welcome to come and vent or ask questions anytime you feel the need.
I'm happy to hear that you yourself realized things were going a bit off the rails and did something about it. Perhaps that is the approach you could take if you decide to speak to your dad. Something along the lines of what made you decide you had a problem and how you see the same thing in him and that you are worried for his health.
If you do speak with your dad about your concerns, be prepared for those words to not have an effect. Unfortunately, in order for your dad to stop drinking successfully, the recognition that it is a problem and that motivation to change has to come from within.
I hope you will take some time a read around these boards. There is a ton of great information at the top of each forum (the 'stickies'). You are welcome to come and vent or ask questions anytime you feel the need.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hi MA50- good morning!
Do your brothers have their drinking in control? Is everyone local? Spouses drinkers too? Has any of these parents talked about grandchildren being in danger in relation to drinking? Are any of these grandchildren yours? Are you married? You don't have to answer all of this but look at connections and repeating issues that you might be able to piece together if you observe. See if there is a an ally in this group.
If your mom is also a problem drinker, I can see why she shrugs it off. Her problem is hiding in your dad 's shadow - the more recognizable problem I bet...
My H was a problem drinker for years and when people would tell me he was slurring his words at night on the phone I would say, " Yes he drinks too much every day. He has a problem. ". It got so bad I finally could not live with it anymore and kicked him out last year for awhile. Alcoholism is progressive and it keeps getting worse. Of course we have to call it an " allergy" in the house of buried secrets and denial where I currently reside. 
Intervening got me an accusation of betrayal and a man trying to rebuild his life with a why me attitude. So being the one to speak up is very brave but it does not win you any awards.
The one thing you can work on is you. Are you snowing yourself with your moderation? Sweep out your own issues and be an example to others. Tough for me to call you out, but that is the one thing you do control. There is all kinds of help here on SR to lead you to dealing with the parentheses in your own moderation plan. Hugs from Job who even calls God out!
AA
Do your brothers have their drinking in control? Is everyone local? Spouses drinkers too? Has any of these parents talked about grandchildren being in danger in relation to drinking? Are any of these grandchildren yours? Are you married? You don't have to answer all of this but look at connections and repeating issues that you might be able to piece together if you observe. See if there is a an ally in this group.
If your mom is also a problem drinker, I can see why she shrugs it off. Her problem is hiding in your dad 's shadow - the more recognizable problem I bet...
My H was a problem drinker for years and when people would tell me he was slurring his words at night on the phone I would say, " Yes he drinks too much every day. He has a problem. ". It got so bad I finally could not live with it anymore and kicked him out last year for awhile. Alcoholism is progressive and it keeps getting worse. Of course we have to call it an " allergy" in the house of buried secrets and denial where I currently reside. Intervening got me an accusation of betrayal and a man trying to rebuild his life with a why me attitude. So being the one to speak up is very brave but it does not win you any awards.
The one thing you can work on is you. Are you snowing yourself with your moderation? Sweep out your own issues and be an example to others. Tough for me to call you out, but that is the one thing you do control. There is all kinds of help here on SR to lead you to dealing with the parentheses in your own moderation plan. Hugs from Job who even calls God out!
AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10
Thank you for the replies!
Code - Yes I am married with 3 kids, ages 3,2,2 months! I would say none of us are very heavy drinkers. my wife and brothers wife dont drink (maybe the occasional glass of wine), my mom will have a beer or 2 a night, not a very heavy drinker. and honestly I never saw my dad drink a drop of alcohol until I was out of college. It's strange but he was always working around the clock. I guess with working so much and three kids he never had the chance. Once his business started skyrocketing, I really think the wealth went to his head. He has become very full of himself, and the drinking has accompanied it, which has changed the way he treats others.
Its hard to explain. My mom shrugs it off because I think he plays the role of "Im the man of the house, I make the money, you dont have a say". He went off on some fancy island vacation last week and sent me a text messge. Not to ask how I am doing or how the kids are, but to let me know his interior decorator and a bunch of workers would be at his house while they were gone, and make sure I stop by and get his mail. I wanted to reply with FU but didnt.
I am sorry for the rant and I appreciate the feedback. I know that I can only control me and my life and just wish that he would slow down and realize how the drinking has changed who he is and how he treats people. Thank you again!
Code - Yes I am married with 3 kids, ages 3,2,2 months! I would say none of us are very heavy drinkers. my wife and brothers wife dont drink (maybe the occasional glass of wine), my mom will have a beer or 2 a night, not a very heavy drinker. and honestly I never saw my dad drink a drop of alcohol until I was out of college. It's strange but he was always working around the clock. I guess with working so much and three kids he never had the chance. Once his business started skyrocketing, I really think the wealth went to his head. He has become very full of himself, and the drinking has accompanied it, which has changed the way he treats others.
Its hard to explain. My mom shrugs it off because I think he plays the role of "Im the man of the house, I make the money, you dont have a say". He went off on some fancy island vacation last week and sent me a text messge. Not to ask how I am doing or how the kids are, but to let me know his interior decorator and a bunch of workers would be at his house while they were gone, and make sure I stop by and get his mail. I wanted to reply with FU but didnt.
I am sorry for the rant and I appreciate the feedback. I know that I can only control me and my life and just wish that he would slow down and realize how the drinking has changed who he is and how he treats people. Thank you again!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
My parents are very wealthy as well and my mother is the full-blown alcoholic (didn't really get to the full-blown level until her late 50s). I have four children. I decided to quit drinking completely in fear of turning out like my mother. I have addressed her problem more than once to both parents to no avail. (She showed up so loaded to Mother's Day brunch last year that she could barely speak, fell into a potted plant and had to leave early. My codependent father seems to think no one else notices when she is completely wasted and just keeps feeding her drinks. He may have a problem as well but it is not as bad as hers.) I have had to disinvite them to events because I never want my children to witness a scene like Mother's Day again. Sadly, if I am honest with myself, I think they would pick alcohol over me and my family if we required alcohol-free family events. The three Cs are something I constantly remind myself of: We didn't Cause it, we can't Cure it and we can't Control it. I resigned myself to praying for them, but refocusing on myself and my family and keeping strong boundaries. Chin up. You are not alone!
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