itsmylifenow

My xabf messed around last week with a friend of ours, after being with me the night before. We were broken up but still hanging around together.

Regardless, I got my stuff and told him I didn't want to talk to him or see him anymore.

I'm trying to get over the thought of the two of them together and all that so I go back into my journals a few years ago with xxabf and start reading some of the same patterns I have with this one.

Two things I noticed...even through all the crap xxabf was saying and doing, the one constant thing I needed was for him to hold me and make me feel safe and secure. Even if he wasn't giving that to me I would always soak those moments in and try to get them deep within my soul so they'd last.

And, after we'd have a fight or break up and I'd be upset, he was the only one I wanted to comfort me.

I'm feeling both of these same things right now. xabf makes me feel good with his affection and love. It's my driving force to be with him over every thing else that goes on.

When I went to his house last night to get my stuff I was upset. Furious at him and at her, just totally pissed off. I talk to him for a bit, I calm down and then it's as if nothing happened. I feel better when I'm with him.

What is this??? I am a critical point here with the one thing that keeps me in BAD relationships. Is it attachment issues? Abandonment?

I'm getting a deja vu moment with this...like I've asked this question before..not sure but, I need to fix this.

dandylion

itsmylifenow---Sure does sound like abandonment issues to me.

dandylion

AnvilheadII

you seem to thrive on having someone who is emotionally unavailable and in those few rare moments you get anything remotely resembling love or affection, you feel like YOU WON. and that's your hook, your drug.

just.want.one.more.hit.

you might as well quit calling him your EX hon....cuz you are still spending time with him OFTEN, assume possibly still having sex, thinking about him, talking about him, obsessing about him. you never really BROKE up, you just changed the name and kept right on doing the same things!!!

itsmylifenow

Yes. This.

I was seeing a normie last year who was extremely unavailable. But, man were his kisses toxic. I tend to get emotionally connected with physical activity and have a hard time living without the high it gives me.

It's the emotions and good feelings I have that are my drug.

That explains the withdrawal symptoms I've had disconnecting from someone. I get addicted to people. No wonder I'm having such a hard time letting go of this xabf - and why he's having such a hard time walking away from me as well.

LifeRecovery

As hard as this is...what a great chance to change an old pattern.

Awareness in place, working on acceptance, action is the easy part.

I feel like you have been asking this kind of question recently, but that is because you have been getting ready for a change.

CodeJob

Oh yes! Since people appear to be a lot more casual with relationship boundaries now, I think it is easy to hide from ones motivation of abandonment.

You are so on the path! Yay!

NYCDoglvr

It really helps to see that what you're doing wrong is having anything to do with him. Can you get to Alanon?