Carlotta

There can be great value in examining the past. It can offer information about the present, as well as clues that might help us make changes for a better future. For those of us who denied, distorted, or lost touch with
painful memories, facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of our Al-Anon recovery. Fond memories must also be recognized if we hope to look back in a realistic way. Still, it is important to remember that the past is over.
We are powerless over what has gone before. Although we can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact that we have harmed others. And we cannot change the fact that others have harmed us. We have only the power to change this present day.
The best use we can make of the past is to face it and then move on. We can certainly learn from all that we have experienced, but we mustn’t let it hold us back from living here and now.

Today’s Reminder

“The past is but the beginning of a beginning.”

H.G. Wells

shil2587

This was actually what started my journey of healing. Looking back and looking for my role and how I reacted in my head where others seemed unaffected.

I always look for these posts, they are a real guide to me as to how to progress and where to go with my recovery next. Thank you!

Katchie

oh wow..great post. I feel like I've been looking into the past for years. My sister, love her to pieces but could never live with her or close to her, always wants to bring up our childhood. I'm so ready to NEVER talk about hour upbringing again. Then, I read this post and wonder if I've ever truly healed from it since I'm not even sure I remember it all, or what I remember is even correct. I've worked so hard trying to make sure I didn't repeat that with my own family and in many ways my children have it so much better. I think my past is what makes it so hard to accept my AH's disease. I failed trying to make my home one without the kind of dysfunction stories are made of. I guess that's just fantasy when we are talking about people who are fallible and made of flesh.
Just typing...
Thanks for the great food for thought post!

Lovenjoy

In my codie recovery work I have become aware of how hard it is for me to relax for more than just a little bit. And I've also become more conscious of how anxious I am, like a lot of the time. Well today I was going over all this with my counselor and he made a comment about 'having your radar on all the time' and something just clicked in me. With more work there and since today and discussion at alanon I realized that when I was little I needed to 'have my radar on' all the time to feel safe. 'Cause I wasn't safe in the alcoholic chaos of my home life and I was the designated fixer and keeper so of course I was always on alert for any and every thing that was or could go wrong. This became a lifelong habit and is no longer a needed defense mechanism.

This being on high alert all the time is of course making it impossible for me to relax and is of course making me anxious! The thoughts that have subconsciously kept this habit in place are those of a child seeking safety. The what ifs - what if this or that happens, the distrust, the almost paranoid outlook in any situation. I am not a child anymore nor am I in habitually unsafe circumstances, but this ingrained behavior has been negatively impacting my adult life for a long time. If I had been unwilling to look at my past I would have never made this connection. And I am sooooo excited to have had this revelation - in just a few short hours I can just feel the difference this knowledge has made for my recovery!

Thanks for giving me a place to share what for me is really momentous growth! It really works if we work it!!!