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Old 04-08-2014, 06:45 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Want to be healthy, wow. Your HP just solved that problem for you. I wish I could sit down and have a cup of tea with you. If you are anything like me, I'd be pissed off at myself anyway! But this is going to work out to your advantage I think. Have faith.
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Old 04-08-2014, 06:57 AM
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I firmly believe things happen for a reason. I know you were expecting this, but I am sure it was still hard to hear. Big hugs to you.

There is a silver lining and better things will come.

XXX
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:30 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I'm in a panic to be honest... Unemployed as of June. No one will hire me in my field w a non renewal on my record. Not good. Any head hunters on here want to hire me? Lol!
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Well just left a meeting where I was told "due to my attendance issues" I'm not being renewed. I knew it was coming. So the only silver lining is that this is directly a result of XAH's antics & he will have to pay more spousal & child support as a result if I'm unemployed. Wow.
I'm so sorry wanttobehealthy, you didn't deserve that. I hope you find something new and suitable, and never let him do that to you again. Thinking of you.
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:46 AM
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I guess I feel like there isnt much difference between the codies and the A's. probably Lois didnt either and thats why Al Anon was adapted from the Big Book of AA. At some point we have to accept our part in our situation. Accept our responsibilities and stop blaming others for our situation. I feel like letting that situation go on long enough to get fired from your job before deciding to look for a solution is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. When my kids were young and to this day, I usually plan for the worst and hope for the best. That way you are always prepared. Just because you are divorced doesnt mean your xAH is going to be a different person. Plan accordingly and your kids lives wint be so hectic and filled with negitivity. That stuff does spill over. I felt like when I read your post that you were worried about him bringing you to court for contempt.. good idea! let him tell the judge how he cant be responsible and stick to the agreement so you had to take care of your responsibility and do what was best for you and your girls. he doesnt worry about being in contempt, so why are you? the only thing you did wrong was letting him be in charge of your life! Good luck in the future!
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:52 AM
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WantToBeHealthy,

Maybe you should see if there is a before school program that you and your Ex AH husband can drop the kids. The school then can monitor tardiness, and your then able to get to work on time. Just a thought!
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:06 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=involved;4577803]
At some point we have to accept our part in our situation. Accept our responsibilities and stop blaming others for our situation. I feel like letting that situation go on long enough to get fired from your job before deciding to look for a solution is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. When my kids were young and to this day, I usually plan for the worst and hope for the best. That way you are always prepared. Just because you are divorced doesnt mean your xAH is going to be a different person. Plan accordingly and your kids lives wint be so hectic and filled with negitivity. That stuff does spill over. I felt like when I read your post that you were worried about him bringing you to court for contempt.. good idea! let him tell the judge how he cant be responsible and stick to the agreement so you had to take care of your responsibility and do what was best for you and your girls. he doesnt worry about being in contempt, so why are you? the only thing you did wrong was letting him be in charge of your life! Good luck in the future![/QUOTE
You know what's fun about abusers? Especially ones w buddies who are cops, a judge whose kid he coached and court bias against moms when dads cry "alienation"... They use the legal system to abuse and manipulate. I haven't played into this one bit. But thanks for suggesting I have. I have fought back, documented, been to court and been viewed as being unreasonable bc xAH is a sociopath liar who charms and presents a story to counter every bit of evidence I have.... I haven't contributed to this but if you haven't followed the crazy tale do the justice system failing my kids and I, I guess my post wouldn't make sense....

I agree that would've been insane of sit and wait and now complain that I lost my job. Wasn't what I did.

Are you aware of my experience w the court system & my attempts to change this for the last yr? I'm asking go in all sincerity. I'm guessing not bc if so you'd not have posted this.

Glad to know the state you're in much have a vastly more effective court system than mine. Truly. I wish mine were functional. It's not. And it rewards abusers.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:10 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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My community has no before school program. They assume everyone has nannies to drop their kids or parents who aren't useless drunks & who can show up to get their kids.

I've followed the legal paths to fix this and been the cooperative co parent the court wants to see. If lawyers and a judge felt this order was doable and now want to blame me for following their orders then they're the ones who look like morons. Not me. XAH makes a lot of money so he has just screwed himself bc he will pay more child support and spousal support and lll be free to drop off and pick up my kids. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise


Originally Posted by AZliving View Post
WantToBeHealthy,

Maybe you should see if there is a before school program that you and your Ex AH husband can drop the kids. The school then can monitor tardiness, and your then able to get to work on time. Just a thought!
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:10 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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If I lost my job, I'd say yes to more debt (wooo! more debt!) and enroll in grad school for the career of my dreams. More time with the kids, more teaching experience at a college level, and a complete change of life.

xx
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:17 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
If I lost my job, I'd say yes to more debt (wooo! more debt!) and enroll in grad school for the career of my dreams. More time with the kids, more teaching experience at a college level, and a complete change of life.

xx
Yeah I don't know how I will make ends meet but w the shock worn off I'm actually somewhat glad for this...

I will have more time w my kids and HATED my job anyway...

XAH makes a lot so he will pay more child support and alimony as a result of his games and I'll collect unemployment for a while too and figure out next steps. I'm paid through July so I'm ok for a while.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:21 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I am so very sorry this happened

Isn't it sad the irony. EXAH doesn't meet his agreed upon time schedule, and you are the one worried if you will be in contempt of court if you don't wait on him.

Our legal system is very screwed up.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:33 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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You didn't deserve this. I hope that you enjoy the extra time with your kids and find something that works better for you.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:54 AM
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I think it would be completely reasonable to request an amendment to the parenting plan if you can show that he has been late X number of times and it is impacting your ability to be at work on time.

I would ask to have it amended so that if he does not show up by a certain time, you leave. And make it a big margin, so that you can plan every day as if you were taking the girls to school. So, say he normally picks them up at 7:30. You need to leave by 7 if you are going to have time to make the rounds and get to work on time. Then you request that if he is not there by 6:55, you don't wait for him.

I was gonna say I think that's what I would do but honestly, I think I would request a change to the parenting plan so that he can't screw with you. Because I'm sure that's what he's doing.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:56 AM
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Yeah I don't know how I will make ends meet but w the shock worn off I'm actually somewhat glad for this...I will have more time w my kids and HATED my job anyway...
You know, I've been broke as hell over the course of my life (one year my son and I lived on, paid rent and ate on $11K!) and I nevertheless have figured things out.

School money for an accredited brick and mortar school is abundant, you can get a TA-ship, cheap housing, and it's "good" debt. Your girls will get to see you buck up and make a major life change and thrive regardless of what their dad is doing.

You will get by. Keep looking past this dude and on to what you want for yourself and your life. He'll get his.
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:34 AM
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I don't know if there are any Christian private schools or Charter schools in the area, but I know our principal at my daughter's school has hired some people who have had extenuating circumstances at her school. The downfall is that you may need additional classes to teach there but it may be worth it. Just a thought.

I also have a friend who makes twice the money of an average teacher b/c she works for an alternative school for "troubled" kids. She loves it and the money is great.

I understand small town politics though. I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to give it to God and continue to do the best you can.

God Bless!
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:51 AM
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Im so sorry that this happened to you. Before you were not renewed I was going to suggest that you just make a set time and if he is not there, then just leave with the kids, drop them off and get to work on time. Then if he doesnt like it because it is infringing on his time, he would have to take you to court for not obeying the parenting order. he would have to pay for that and you wouold get to plead your case again. But now circumstances have changed. I am not sure if you could talk with your boss, tell him or her your situation and show them the parenting documents and your new plan. It might make a difference. Best of luck during this difficult time. I hope it all works out in the end for you.
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Old 04-08-2014, 10:18 AM
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I should have read the post to its end before commenting. You're not being renewed. OK. Poop.

I'd like to give you a big fat hug and tell you that IT WILL BE OK. Because you're a fighter. And you've never given up. And you won't give up now either. Maybe CodeJob is right, and this is an opportunity for you to turn your career in another direction?

There's this quote I've seen on FB -- it says "When God closes one door, he always opens another. The hallway, though, is a b*tch." Cry, yell, beat up a pillow, and then start looking for that new door. It will appear. I know it will.
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Old 04-08-2014, 11:51 AM
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WTBH, no words or advice... Experience: I was told that waiting for only 5 min. before declaring AXH a no-show was unreasonable (he lived just down the road). My lawyer suggested I wait about 20 min. before taking off; longer if the weather was bad... I didn't and still don't understand it, because there are repercussions to being late for other duties (as you noted with your job; late fees if you pay bills late; late for an interview - no more interview; late picking up your child from daycare and you get extra fees for each 5 min. increment...), but AXH got to be routinely late to pick up DS without any repercussions.

((((((((hugs)))))))) I'm so sorry his f-ing around cost you your job. Hoping another door opens soon.
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Old 04-08-2014, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
WTBH, no words or advice... Experience: I was told that waiting for only 5 min. before declaring AXH a no-show was unreasonable (he lived just down the road). My lawyer suggested I wait about 20 min. before taking off; longer if the weather was bad... I didn't and still don't understand it, because there are repercussions to being late for other duties (as you noted with your job; late fees if you pay bills late; late for an interview - no more interview; late picking up your child from daycare and you get extra fees for each 5 min. increment...), but AXH got to be routinely late to pick up DS without any repercussions.

((((((((hugs)))))))) I'm so sorry his f-ing around cost you your job. Hoping another door opens soon.
Yeah this is why I have been tolerant and patient w him bc the court gives a wide berth to a$$holes and doesn't grasp that 5, 10, 15 min when you commute to a job actually does make a big difference...

So sorry you've experienced the same BS.

Not sure what I willdo job wise or go a financially and I'm in panic mode effective now
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Old 04-08-2014, 04:01 PM
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Don't rule anything out.

Two of my three last jobs, I was completely wrong for on paper -- they required competencies I didn't have -- and the third, I fulfilled the minimum qualifications but the learning curve was hellish.

I applied for, interviewed for, and was turned down for at least 20 jobs I was perfectly qualified for, where my education and experience was a perfect fit. When I left my last job, I applied for an almost identical position in another state -- and didn't even get past the first screening.

What I'm saying is -- there seems to be little rhyme or reason to hiring decisions, so don't limit yourself. Stretch, and you may be surprised...
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