Bernadette777

Hi everybody,
Is it ok to feel betrayed here? He hurts my feelings, lied to me & let booze be his girlfriend. It sucks because I feel like I couldn't compete from the get go, at least once I knew the drugs & booze were first. Is this normal?

Hammer

Yeah, and keep in mind that feelings are . . . just feelings . . . BUT like the cards life deals you, how you play them is up to you.

You understand that the "Win and Lose" is in the how the cards are played -- less than in how they are dealt?

So you feel betrayed. Ok. Is that normal in this realm? Yes, absolutely.

As well as:

Used.
Abused.
Manipulated.
on and on.

So listen to those feelings.

What do they tell you? Like dashboard warning lights -- there is a problem.

Next thing to do? Get some distance from the source of that problem.

Welcome to Detachment. Advance one square on the Game Board.

CodeJob

Bernadette! Beam me up! I need to put on my detachment helmet! Thankfully my hair mostly fits....

Bernadette777

Hammer!

Thank you - Roger, copy that! I feel better with my one step up. Detachment feels nice here. I thank you for how you responded. never thought I'd hit detachment. So even if there is a new chick, which I doubt because he is so selfish, but if she likes to drink & use with him ... Go right ahead. Water seeks its own level. Right? Right- So thanks Hammer for the truth! Have a blessed & peaceful night. Bernadette 777

Bernadette777

Thanks CodeJob,

Feels good this detachment I'm tired of being tired of him & soon enough any memories of it. But now I think of memories when they come to mind but with the thought of was he high or drunk then?? Nice, huh??
Be blessed,
Bernadette. 777

Bernadette777

Hammer,

The detachment feels like a relief- is this alright to feel! The other day at work, coworkers (we are government workers) we were talking about if a DUI happened- We would all be done. I thought of my exAbf, he doesn't work for gov, but still he would be done to- that's when I realized how grateful I am to get out while I did all by God's awesome & loving grace. I like this detachment. It doesn't feel forced, it feels healthy. Am I doing good here? Or is this a phase? I really feel relieved the exAbf isn't around with his booze & drugs drama.

CodeJob

Hello Bernadette! Well I do well like you describe, then I have to wash my hair Or go swimming so then I take my detachment helmet off. I might be fine and decide to let my hair air dry, especially on my off days. I might forget my helmet at church. I mean it is church. But once I Got slammed with some sort of trigger at the grocery store immediately after church and I seethed all the way home bc I had forgotten my detachment helmet.

Oh and my helmet has a gross mouth guard too. I mouth off a wee bit too much and with some foul F-bombs to boot. So if I jam that mouth guard in, I can't tell RAH what I think. As for my eyes, well I still roll them. 95% of the time he is so worked up about whatever irritant that he misses my eye roll to DS who usually cracks up. I am sarcastic and irreverent. This is on the same line of my step 4 flaws sheet. I'm not too sorry about that flaw. It is a release for me. When you live with RAH you need a few bad habits.

Bernadette777

Thank you CodeJob,

I appreciate your wit. I understand what your saying. My warrior gear is over my heart. The helmet of salvation & armor is on. When a song comes on the radio... That reminds me of exAbf - I will hit the orb of pain out of the park. Swing batter swing! Have a blessed day!

CodeJob

Sounds like a great strategy Bernadette!

Bernadette777

Thank you CodeJob!

Have a great day