Mango blast

My husband relapsed almost a week ago and had one sober day since then. He called some friends from rehab last weekend. He met yesterday with someone we know who is an alcoholic, long-time recovered and now in the ministry. He has an appointment with his doctor on Monday.

We've had a few good conversations and thanks to Alanon and SR, I am accepting him fully as he is. He is lost. He is searching. Only he can find his own way.

I've had good support of my own this week. I am thankful for my healing and to have him for my husband. I am learning to ACCEPT what is and have faith that whatever comes, I will be okay.

CodeJob

I am sorry.

Tonight DS and I talked about RAHs behavior. He is showing a few more signs of struggling. It was sad to get confirmation that this is not just my Codie view...

Hopefully your H will put more days together soon! Hugs to you KTF!

Mango blast

Thank you, CodeJob!
Sending prayers and good wishes to you, your son and husband.

It may sound really strange or codie to some people that I'm thankful to have AH for my husband. Others may get it. I have learned so much. I am finally feeling compassion, not judging and am letting God take it. No matter where AH goes from here, I am becoming a better person for where I've been. No blinders, not jumping into the hot water with him.

Not long ago I thought that if he wasn't working at his recovery, let alone if he relapsed again, that I would need to leave him in order to protect my own healing. I am amazed by this journey I'm taking and how strong I am right now. Not reacting to chaos, not future tripping, just living in the moment and handling things just fine.

AH is stuck on step 2 and 3. I'm okay with that. It's for him to work out on his own. He's holding things inside that are decades old and is battling both himself and God.

I am at peace with my life how it is, right here and now. Not 'if', not 'when', but completely flawed and yet good.

FireSprite

What an awesome post, KTF, very inspiring! You are obviously ROCKING your recovery!

SeriousKarma

Not strange at all. In fact, I said almost this exact thing at an Alanon meeting on Monday.

I'm so glad you're doing well. I've been thinking about you a lot this last week, and hoping that you'd post an update. I know it was exhausting for you.

(Prayers to you and your family, CodeJob. Sometimes I think that gray area, when you're not quite sure if they're drinking or not, is the toughest place of all.)

honeypig

KTF, so glad you posted this. What a testament to the changes we can make when we work on ourselves instead of obsessing over the A! I had posted on another thread about the 3 A's of Awareness, Acceptance and Action and how we always want to skip that middle A and jump right into Action before we know what to do, or if it is even our place to do anything at all. You are such a great example of pausing on that middle A and getting some clarity before making any moves. Great big (((hugs))) to you in your recovery!

CodeJob, I'm kind of in that gray area with you. Like you, I just try to get on w/my own business and trust that at some point, it will be clear to me what is going on and what action I need to take, if any. Not always easy, but I believe this to be the path of sanity...