hopeful4

((((Stung)))) Even if she just called me a freak!!!

Carlotta

Glad you joined the freak show Stung and as you can see on the poster, we are always hiring

honeypig

Carlotta, can I be the evil dwarf?? Pllleeeeeeeeaaaassee? I already have a short-legged dog to work w/me, and EVERYONE knows animal acts are popular!

Carlotta

Sure, after all I am only one of the pinheads LOL

Stung

Hey guys, "freak" is meant lovingly!! )) BTW, totally owning the recovering freak title for myself too.

maggies

My kids are looked after. Except for my son, my other children are doing good. I am doing the best I can and it is overwhelming. I am angry with my husband but I believe that he is sincere in this sobriety attempt. Yeah, he has gone to rehab almost a dozen times but so what.

atalose

"Freak"....wow that tipped my tierra a bit...lol

atalose

maggie I hope therapy can help you sort it all out..

((hugs))

Thinking

Maggie, you have been through so much. I totally understand the anger at people criticising someone you love. I always feel like "he might be a screw up but he's my screw up so back off".

So don't worry about defending him or how you manage your family from us. Our opinion isn't important. What is important is that you are ok and that your kids are ok. You have told us about some difficult things that have happened in your life. Thank you for sharing those. What we all want here is for you and your children to be happy and safe. (We'd also like your A to be happy and safe too.)

This is like when you are on an airplane and they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first. You have to make sure that you are ok before you even consider looking after your A. Then next comes your kids because they are dependent on you and rely on you for their physical wellbeing and mental health.

Please take some time out and think this over. You are so stressed in the rollercoaster life of your A - the lows when he drinks and the highs when there is that hope that he is stopping and life might get better. Is it possible for you to escape for a few days or even hours? Do you have friends or family who might take care of your kids so that you can relax first and then have some thinking time?

My heart goes out to you as I hear a good person defending those she loves. However badly we are saying things, we here all have your best interests first and want your life to be the happy one you deserve.

ladyscribbler

I hear that you are exhausted and doing your sincere best to hold things together with the tools you have. You're not bad mother, just a tired lady doing her best for her family.
I was the same way, doing my best with the tools I had. But the problem was, I didn't have very good tools. I had denial, secrecy, shame, blame, anger, unrealistic expectations and most of all fear. I was terrified of everything falling apart, I held on to the reins as tight as I could. I doled out medication, hid money, poured out alcohol, begged, pleaded, threatened and believed with such hope every promise that came out of his mouth. None of it worked, not in the long term. He always went back to drinking, no matter what I tried. Turns out the reins I was holding weren't attached to anything.
I'm glad you and your children have had a few days of peace, it sounds like you need them.
It sounds like you have a lot of hope regarding this sobriety attempt, and that's not a bad thing, but make sure you're keeping your expectations realistic and know that if he does drink again, it's not a reflection of you.
I go to alanon, and while I know it's not for everyone, it has helped me learn better tools for coping with life. I am no longer with my alcoholic, and he is still drinking, but I am happy, grateful, safe and relaxed with my children in our peaceful new home.
Take care and keep posting.

littlefish

The homeless street drunks are the tiny, very visible tip of the iceberg.

Then there are all the rest: the much larger group of drinkers who live seemingly normal lives but under the surface they are completely falling apart. Their health is going down the drain, they are slowly becoming mentally ill, their families are being destroyed. You know, like Betty Ford. She sure wasn't homeless or jobless.

You are doing the best you can...I hear that. We all hear that. There is no doubt you want to help your husband. We get it.

But I hope you try to give people here a chance to help you. When someone says try to work on you, they mean take care of yourself. That's not a bad idea.

MissFixit

My exA is a lawyer from a wealthy family. He hasn't practiced since 2005 because of his alcoholism and is dwindling away his inheritance fast. Alcoholics can be from any walk of life. Google famous alcoholics or celebrity alcoholics and you will find a long list of very successful alcoholics.

ClearLight

Maggie

Why does your profile say you're a male? Is that a mistake?

CodeJob

Maggie

I despise groups and yet I drag myself off to Al Anon once a week because the steps are really helping me - ME - a lot. My RAH, maybe not so much. The second group I tried was a much better fit for me. It takes a bit of courage to march into a bunch of complete strangers and admit you are wackadoodle over some drunk.

One year later I realize I am an addict on the codependency side. A term I would not even ADMIT to one year ago. So now all of this recovery stuff makes a whole lot of wholistic sense to me. Different REACTIONs to ACOA in my case and my RAH's case. We are two different outcomes of messed up families. Of course I still have a little issue with REPRESSED ANGER and beer COUNTING!?

STUNG! Are you the one who was going to trick out your Prius? Did you?

Stung

Haha, CodeJob, I tinted the windows (DD2 has light sensitive eyes) and added a new stereo (Bluetooth is a must, no law breaking for me!) so it is way more functional than it was before. Still a goofy looking slow red Prius but its mine!

BoxinRotz

Ole George *Dubyah* Bush... ran for 2 terms. God Damn... how dare we elect a recovering alchie to the White House... not one time but two times!!!

ladyscribbler

LOL. My axb actually received his third Purple Heart medal from "W" himself. El Presidente actually went out to PA in person and awarded it to him.
There was a dinner afterward and my ex swears up and down to anyone who will listen that GWB drank a glass of wine at the dinner and that was one of his (many) justifications for drinking- the "sober" president drank. I kid you not.
My ex was a war hero, an A student, and just generally filled with potential. Those guys on the streets, they weren't born in the gutter. They landed there with the help of alcohol. None of them took their first drink and immediately went out and filled a shopping cart with beer cans and dog $hit and went to sleep on a pile of cardboard behind a dumpster. They were functioning members of society for years, maybe even decades before they ended up homeless.
Maggie, there's an Alanon slogan that I think may apply to your situation. You mentioned that your husband has said that only god can get him sober. Well, one of our slogans is "Let Go and Let God." I think that with all you're doing to try to control and manage your husband's behavior, you're not leaving any room for God to help your husband make that change. Rehab, AA, anabuse- those are all tools to help people who make a decision to seek sobriety. But that desire has to come from the individual, not those around him or her. This may seem counterintuitive and even downright scary, but what if you took a step back and allowed god to fill that small space between the two of you?
Hope you have a peaceful weekend. Take care.

Hammer

Am I missing the math but does not Friday (minus) Wednesday = 2 Days? Maybe not even quite, yet?

2 days without Alcohol Does NOT Equal Sober does it? Or is that some New Math, or A-Math, or what?

3 to 6 Months (yeah Months) into this then MAYBE one can talk Sober This or Sober That? Maybe.

BoxinRotz

We call that a break at my house! Sleep it off and get back off the wagon to do it again! Ya know... cuz he was only leaning on it so as to not fall over!!!

Hands off maggies! Hands off and let God do what He needs to do!

Seren

Good morning, Miss maggies,

How are you today?

I'm happy that your husband has not had a drink in a few days...that is a great start!

Alcoholism is so insidious for the alcoholic and for the family. The alcoholic, when not drinking, has all sorts of emotions and feelings that have been squashed down for so long, it can be overwhelming at first.

For the family, the alcoholic has become the center of the universe and a source of constant uncertainty.

For the spouse:
How many drinks today/what kind?
Will he/she be able to make it to work today?
How can we pay the bills?
What sort of mood will he/she be in today?
Will I be yelled at again today?

For the children:
What if someone finds out (neighbor/friend)?
Why can't I have my friends over?
What sort of mood will he/she be in today?
Is Mommy's/Daddy's mood because of me?
Am I a bad kid?

It breaks my heart that you and your children are in the middle of all of this. If I had the power to wave a magic wand and make this all go away for alcoholics, addicts, and their families, I would--in less than a heartbeat.

I'm so glad to hear that you will begin seeing a counselor and hope that you will find some relief and clarity for yourself--you absolutely deserve that.

Please take good care, maggies! You and your whole family are in my prayers.