husband kicked family dog
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 95
husband kicked family dog
My husband has been going through a tuff time at work. He was just suspended from work and has been on a booze bender. His employer has warned him about a last chance. After his 5th dui they told him that they would not hold his job for him while he sits in jail. My husband has been drinking about 20-30 cans of beer per day and seems out of it. The dog would not stop marking at a delivery guy and he kicked him in front of our kids. I'm really worried about his mental well being. He is rarely violent but he seems to be getting parinoid. I blame a lot of his drinking on job stress as this is the busy season for him. How do I get him into a rehab? He says as long as he is drinking beer he is not an alcoholic. However, he is peeing in bed and seems to be in a blackout state every day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Menlo Park, CA
Posts: 20
I don't know what the answer is if your husband won't accept that he is addicted and needs help. But reading your post made me realize that my family worries about my drinking and what I do hurts them. I hope things get better for you and your family.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
He drinks because he is an alcoholic. It's not your fault, your kids, the dogs or his job.
Please take some time to read the stickies and educate yourself on alcoholism and it's effects on the family.
Welcome to SR. There is so much wisdom and support here.
Please take some time to read the stickies and educate yourself on alcoholism and it's effects on the family.
Welcome to SR. There is so much wisdom and support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
Kicking the dog is abuse. Any kind of physical,
verbal, emotional abuse should not be taken
lightly. No one or anything living should
ever be hit upon. The first hit, kick, slap, word,
is the first warning that something is wrong.
Addiction is a sickness and affects all those
around it. Take care of you, your kids, your
pets first and foremost because things wont
get any better until the one that is sick receives
help from those who know about addiction.
verbal, emotional abuse should not be taken
lightly. No one or anything living should
ever be hit upon. The first hit, kick, slap, word,
is the first warning that something is wrong.
Addiction is a sickness and affects all those
around it. Take care of you, your kids, your
pets first and foremost because things wont
get any better until the one that is sick receives
help from those who know about addiction.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,745
Originally Posted by maggies 
My husband has been going through a tuff time at work. He was just suspended from work and has been on a booze bender. His employer has warned him about a last chance. After his 5th dui they told him that they would not hold his job for him while he sits in jail. My husband has been drinking about 20-30 cans of beer per day and seems out of it. The dog would not stop marking at a delivery guy and he kicked him in front of our kids. I'm really worried about his mental well being. He is rarely violent but he seems to be getting parinoid. I blame a lot of his drinking on job stress as this is the busy season for him. How do I get him into a rehab? He says as long as he is drinking beer he is not an alcoholic. However, he is peeing in bed and seems to be in a blackout state every day.
Firstly, you cannot "get him into a rehab". He has to want it for himself. If he doesn't think he's an alcoholic there's not much you can do, other than to protect yourself, your kids, and the family dog.
It isn't job stress or anything else that is "responsible" for his drinking. He drinks because he's an alcoholic, whether he admits it or not.
Is there a safe place you and the kids and dog can go to for a while to think things over? If he kicks the innocent dog, it's not such a big leap to kicking you or the kids.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I feel so bad for that poor dog and for your kids and you! 20-30 beers a day s full blown alcoholism - the job is an excuse, FIVE DUI's - he should be locked up so he doesn't endanger anyone else while driving drunk.
if he doesn't think he has a problem, you can forget about rehab. what you can do is start to protect yourself, your precious children, your dog....the violence will escalate. one of you is next. sorry to be blunt, but it is way worse than you are acknowledging. no child should have to endure a drunk in their home - what are they learning from all this?
have you considered getting away from the madness?
if he doesn't think he has a problem, you can forget about rehab. what you can do is start to protect yourself, your precious children, your dog....the violence will escalate. one of you is next. sorry to be blunt, but it is way worse than you are acknowledging. no child should have to endure a drunk in their home - what are they learning from all this?
have you considered getting away from the madness?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
If anyone kicked my dogs, I would kick them.
I am sorry for your situation, but 5 DUIs, about to lose his job from drinking, physically abusing a family pet, says he is not an alcoholic because he only drinks 20-30 cans of beer per day...he is an alcoholic regardless of what you want to call it.
You did not cause it. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it. He is the only one who can help himself. Right now, it sounds like he won't help himself.
What can you do to help yourself, your kids and your dog?
I am sorry for your situation, but 5 DUIs, about to lose his job from drinking, physically abusing a family pet, says he is not an alcoholic because he only drinks 20-30 cans of beer per day...he is an alcoholic regardless of what you want to call it.
You did not cause it. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it. He is the only one who can help himself. Right now, it sounds like he won't help himself.
What can you do to help yourself, your kids and your dog?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
Rehab was ordered by a judge when family
saw that I was capable of hurting myself. At
the time in my life I did not have a sound
mind. Intervention took place 23 yrs ago
when family sort help for me when I was
not longer able to help myself.
August 1990 was when I rehab and began
my journey in recovery using the knowledge
and tools taught to me so I could take them
with me and incorporate in my everyday life.
The opportunity to enter into a safe inviroment
where alcohol was not in reach gave me
time to allow the fog to clear enough to receive
that knowledge.
If he seems violent or abusive then help
from the authorities maybe a good important
step to insure that you and ur family is safe.
saw that I was capable of hurting myself. At
the time in my life I did not have a sound
mind. Intervention took place 23 yrs ago
when family sort help for me when I was
not longer able to help myself.
August 1990 was when I rehab and began
my journey in recovery using the knowledge
and tools taught to me so I could take them
with me and incorporate in my everyday life.
The opportunity to enter into a safe inviroment
where alcohol was not in reach gave me
time to allow the fog to clear enough to receive
that knowledge.
If he seems violent or abusive then help
from the authorities maybe a good important
step to insure that you and ur family is safe.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Welcome, Maggies. I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but am glad you're reaching out for support.
I blamed AXHs drinking on stress, too. He was always going on about work, his boss disrespecting him or wanting him to do work he wasn't supposed to do, or his co-worker being unreasonable, or that they needed to hire 5 more guys to do the job right... But the stress was just an excuse for him to drink. He liked to blame it all on work, too. So he'd quit, and I'd be happy that he left such a stressful place during the middle of winter when I'd need to figure out how to keep the heat and lights on, pay for the holidays, keep us fed. But the drinking didn't stop because he'd left that job. So then it was: he drinks because he's guilty that I'm picking up the slack and am the breadwinner.... Then he'd get a new job, but it was 'menial labor' (according to him) and it was: he's drinking because he HAD to take something that was 'beneath' him.
All excuses. And pretty much self-induced. (Don't want your boss ticked at you? Don't show up still drunk...)
His sister managed to get him into rehab after he'd walked off from a GREAT job because he was p-ssed (in both the US and Brit slang). He came back from it saying everyone tells him he was sick, but he doesn't see it. Now he has another excuse that he uses to drink: he's got these outrageous medical bills to pay. (Which isn't true. I'd kept him on my insurance and he'd had his through his job. What was left after those was minimal.)
He'd gone because his work made him, because his sister made him, not because he had a problem, because, that's not him.
I blamed AXHs drinking on stress, too. He was always going on about work, his boss disrespecting him or wanting him to do work he wasn't supposed to do, or his co-worker being unreasonable, or that they needed to hire 5 more guys to do the job right... But the stress was just an excuse for him to drink. He liked to blame it all on work, too. So he'd quit, and I'd be happy that he left such a stressful place during the middle of winter when I'd need to figure out how to keep the heat and lights on, pay for the holidays, keep us fed. But the drinking didn't stop because he'd left that job. So then it was: he drinks because he's guilty that I'm picking up the slack and am the breadwinner.... Then he'd get a new job, but it was 'menial labor' (according to him) and it was: he's drinking because he HAD to take something that was 'beneath' him.
All excuses. And pretty much self-induced. (Don't want your boss ticked at you? Don't show up still drunk...)
His sister managed to get him into rehab after he'd walked off from a GREAT job because he was p-ssed (in both the US and Brit slang). He came back from it saying everyone tells him he was sick, but he doesn't see it. Now he has another excuse that he uses to drink: he's got these outrageous medical bills to pay. (Which isn't true. I'd kept him on my insurance and he'd had his through his job. What was left after those was minimal.)
He'd gone because his work made him, because his sister made him, not because he had a problem, because, that's not him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
It's to bad the dog didn't bite him because my dog would have. Let's make a correction to my dog would have... My boxer puppy ripped my AH's lip damn near off because he kept agitating him by blowing in his face! Guess who was faster and made his point? JJ laid him WIDE open with razor sharp teeth! I warned him MANY, MANY times to not do that to him!
Your husband is not going to stop until his life gets very bad. AND, unfortunately, someone else is going to suffer maximum suffering due to him and only then, when others suffer gravely due to his dicisions, he may stop. It may mean you, the kids and pup leaving or someone dying at his hands or being severely injured. His bottom has a basement and that's not good. BTDT and ruined the t-shirt in blood and a lot of tears over basement bottoms. You can not help him. I would highly encourage you to save yourself and your children and pups! I'm serious! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!
Your husband is not going to stop until his life gets very bad. AND, unfortunately, someone else is going to suffer maximum suffering due to him and only then, when others suffer gravely due to his dicisions, he may stop. It may mean you, the kids and pup leaving or someone dying at his hands or being severely injured. His bottom has a basement and that's not good. BTDT and ruined the t-shirt in blood and a lot of tears over basement bottoms. You can not help him. I would highly encourage you to save yourself and your children and pups! I'm serious! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
When I encountered physical animal abuse by the ex alcoholic in my life I was very very worried about the pet.
Yet, subconciously the animal abuse gives us an idea what might happen to us further down the road when we get in the alcoholics way.
When the animal abuse increases, family will try to protect it by keeping it as quiet and far away from the alcoholic as possible, yet the animal also becomes a shield to protect other family members from becoming a target of the abuse themselves.
There's some research saying that abuse is as progressive as alcoholism, and that encountering someone else being abused is as traumatic as being abused yourself.
Please protect yourself and your children and the dog.
Yet, subconciously the animal abuse gives us an idea what might happen to us further down the road when we get in the alcoholics way.
When the animal abuse increases, family will try to protect it by keeping it as quiet and far away from the alcoholic as possible, yet the animal also becomes a shield to protect other family members from becoming a target of the abuse themselves.
There's some research saying that abuse is as progressive as alcoholism, and that encountering someone else being abused is as traumatic as being abused yourself.
Please protect yourself and your children and the dog.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello maggies, and Welcome to SR!
This is a fantastic place to vent frustrations and receive support during frightening and troubling times.
I realize that some of the reponses you have received may seem overwhelming to you. Sometimes, when we are brave enough to talk about the bad things going on in our lives to others, even strangers over the internet, their reactions aren't what we thought they would be. The perspective from people not living within your home is much different and can be confusing at first.
I hope you will continue to come here, read all that you can about alcoholism, and vent or ask questions all that you need. I can hope and pray that your husband gets that help that he needs--whatever that looks like for him. Sadly, it is something he will have to be motivated to do for himself, because sobriety for an alcoholic requires lifelong maintenance.
Please take good care!
This is a fantastic place to vent frustrations and receive support during frightening and troubling times.
I realize that some of the reponses you have received may seem overwhelming to you. Sometimes, when we are brave enough to talk about the bad things going on in our lives to others, even strangers over the internet, their reactions aren't what we thought they would be. The perspective from people not living within your home is much different and can be confusing at first.
I hope you will continue to come here, read all that you can about alcoholism, and vent or ask questions all that you need. I can hope and pray that your husband gets that help that he needs--whatever that looks like for him. Sadly, it is something he will have to be motivated to do for himself, because sobriety for an alcoholic requires lifelong maintenance.
Please take good care!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Seren was much more diplomatic than most of us.
When those of us who have lived with an active alcoholic see abuse (in any form) it is a MAJOR red flag that things are very wrong. This is not your doing, but his. He is unstable and unpredictable if he is using physical abuse as a tool. Abuse will get worse. You are the only one who can protect yourself, your kids and your dog. He will not because he is sick. That is how alcoholism and abuse work.
Al-anon will help you and so will therapy.
When those of us who have lived with an active alcoholic see abuse (in any form) it is a MAJOR red flag that things are very wrong. This is not your doing, but his. He is unstable and unpredictable if he is using physical abuse as a tool. Abuse will get worse. You are the only one who can protect yourself, your kids and your dog. He will not because he is sick. That is how alcoholism and abuse work.
Al-anon will help you and so will therapy.
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