Thought I was alright... Then I saw him
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Thought I was alright... Then I saw him
Hi gang!
I have missed you all. My phone had to be upgraded to iOS 7. So my SR app didn't open. Here's what happened- I was going into a store and as I'm getting something out if my trunk I see him walk out if a store a few doors down- totally unplanned. Anyway, I had my hands full with stuff and he had to have seen me. The parking lot was small & he drove right past me. The Parking lot went in one direction anyway. He didn't even slow down or open the window. We haven't seen each since Christmas time and exchanged a little text since about a month ago. Am I really that insignificant to him. How did I go from "the one" to the person he just drives by like a stranger!? Part of me wants to either go to his house and tell him.."take back your presents & don't ever contact me again" or.. "How dare you not even say hello- so this us how it's going to be with you- then fine & goodbye!" I held it in until a little while then I went to get my hair done. When I saw a friend at the salon, I brokedown, I cried because the truth hurt - this is how it's going to be- it hurts me because when he was drunk and depressed, I'm the one who kept him safe from driving and let him sleep it IFC at my place & played the role of psychologist. He wants his "friends"that do drugs & drink with him. Help me not want to cry over him. Sometimes if I do happen see in around town, how do I not show him tears? Do I go see his uncle & family members and talk with Them?? They know what he is???please how do I not cry? Bernadette 777 - ps- this was the first time this ever happened with him.
I have missed you all. My phone had to be upgraded to iOS 7. So my SR app didn't open. Here's what happened- I was going into a store and as I'm getting something out if my trunk I see him walk out if a store a few doors down- totally unplanned. Anyway, I had my hands full with stuff and he had to have seen me. The parking lot was small & he drove right past me. The Parking lot went in one direction anyway. He didn't even slow down or open the window. We haven't seen each since Christmas time and exchanged a little text since about a month ago. Am I really that insignificant to him. How did I go from "the one" to the person he just drives by like a stranger!? Part of me wants to either go to his house and tell him.."take back your presents & don't ever contact me again" or.. "How dare you not even say hello- so this us how it's going to be with you- then fine & goodbye!" I held it in until a little while then I went to get my hair done. When I saw a friend at the salon, I brokedown, I cried because the truth hurt - this is how it's going to be- it hurts me because when he was drunk and depressed, I'm the one who kept him safe from driving and let him sleep it IFC at my place & played the role of psychologist. He wants his "friends"that do drugs & drink with him. Help me not want to cry over him. Sometimes if I do happen see in around town, how do I not show him tears? Do I go see his uncle & family members and talk with Them?? They know what he is???please how do I not cry? Bernadette 777 - ps- this was the first time this ever happened with him.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
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Originally Posted by Bernadette777 
please how do I not cry? Bernadette 777 - ps- this was the first time this ever happened with him.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Bernadette,
Please do not take this as anything personal to you. It's him. I was married for over 27 years. My ex ran away from home so many times, I can't even count them. He treated me like I didn't exist. When I left I dont know if I wanted closure, validation, or even to be treated like I existed. I didn't get any of that. So I do know how you feel.
What I wish for you is for you to see what a loving, beautiful person that you are.
You do exist here. I see you growing and becoming more of the person that you want to be everyday.
It may take you awhile to see it, but I am sure that everyone here on SR does see this, and you are precious to us.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Please do not take this as anything personal to you. It's him. I was married for over 27 years. My ex ran away from home so many times, I can't even count them. He treated me like I didn't exist. When I left I dont know if I wanted closure, validation, or even to be treated like I existed. I didn't get any of that. So I do know how you feel.
What I wish for you is for you to see what a loving, beautiful person that you are.
You do exist here. I see you growing and becoming more of the person that you want to be everyday.
It may take you awhile to see it, but I am sure that everyone here on SR does see this, and you are precious to us.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hey Bernadette, it's very natural to read all sorts of things into his behaviour but you can't really know what he was thinking. Please resist the urge to contact him or his relatives because that would put you out there to be hurt again.
Chances are he just left well enough alone, and that was probably a wise decision. The best way to move on and get over someone is to cease contact. So he did you a favour.
I understand you're still angry, and you were counting on him stopping and saying hello. Been there, done that. But truthfully, whatever he did would have been upsetting right?
You've got a great future and heaps to be proud of - hard as it is, try not to look back.
Chances are he just left well enough alone, and that was probably a wise decision. The best way to move on and get over someone is to cease contact. So he did you a favour.
I understand you're still angry, and you were counting on him stopping and saying hello. Been there, done that. But truthfully, whatever he did would have been upsetting right?
You've got a great future and heaps to be proud of - hard as it is, try not to look back.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Bernadette- I am far from an expert but with my journey I have learned the best thing is not to do anything with regards to him. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter , it doesn't matter.
What matters to applying what you have learned and work on you. I have posted so many times on SR and in my own words realized what a mistake I made. But I learned from my actions and learned what not to do.
I wont do everything right and it's always easier to point out what someone else does but I am learning to point it at me instead.
I screwed up last night and feel bad today but I take the good with the bad and keep going.
I won't talk to his family at all. They may sit and listen and agree and then what?? It's your feelings that are getting hurt.
I do wish I had the right words to tell you because I know how you feel. But just venting here in a safe atmosphere is better than telling off an alcoholic that thinks differently.
What matters to applying what you have learned and work on you. I have posted so many times on SR and in my own words realized what a mistake I made. But I learned from my actions and learned what not to do.
I wont do everything right and it's always easier to point out what someone else does but I am learning to point it at me instead.
I screwed up last night and feel bad today but I take the good with the bad and keep going.
I won't talk to his family at all. They may sit and listen and agree and then what?? It's your feelings that are getting hurt.
I do wish I had the right words to tell you because I know how you feel. But just venting here in a safe atmosphere is better than telling off an alcoholic that thinks differently.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Feelings are not facts.
The fact of the matter, you are no longer a couple.
I do not mean to come across as insensitive, I understand break ups are very painful, And it does takes time to heal. So if you feel the need to cry, go right ahead, sometimes a good old fashioned cry is exactly what we need to do.
He did you a huge favor in not stopping to talk, that would just add salt to your open wounds.
While we think we are keeping them "safe" the fact of the matter, we are only enabling their choices.
This is no longer about him, it is now about YOU.
I would be getting brutally honest with myself, I would be asking myself what my motive was to stay connected to his family?
it appears you are trying to rewrite an already published book, you want a different ending, and that just cannot happen.
The good news, you can start a whole new book, fill it with love, kindness, peace, and joy. Surround yourself with loving, sensitive, fun, intelligent people. There is a whole world out there for you to explore. He is not your salvation, YOU are. Believe it or not, there is a life waiting, where addiction doesn't rule or control.
The fact of the matter, you are no longer a couple.
I do not mean to come across as insensitive, I understand break ups are very painful, And it does takes time to heal. So if you feel the need to cry, go right ahead, sometimes a good old fashioned cry is exactly what we need to do.
He did you a huge favor in not stopping to talk, that would just add salt to your open wounds.
While we think we are keeping them "safe" the fact of the matter, we are only enabling their choices.
This is no longer about him, it is now about YOU.
I would be getting brutally honest with myself, I would be asking myself what my motive was to stay connected to his family?
it appears you are trying to rewrite an already published book, you want a different ending, and that just cannot happen.
The good news, you can start a whole new book, fill it with love, kindness, peace, and joy. Surround yourself with loving, sensitive, fun, intelligent people. There is a whole world out there for you to explore. He is not your salvation, YOU are. Believe it or not, there is a life waiting, where addiction doesn't rule or control.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Hi Bernadette,
Read a bit about enabling. Maybe this is a big role you played in your relationship? Doing that made you feel needed? Being his psychologist and letting him sleep it off... Maybe he used you and the relationship was perceived differently by each of you?
Hey I totally have a thing for emotionally withdrawn guys. I think I can get them in touch with their emotional side.
. How stupid is that? I talked to my uncle about this briefly yesterday and he said, "Your father does not talk to anyone." So I guess I wasn't supposed to take it personally....
Read a bit about enabling. Maybe this is a big role you played in your relationship? Doing that made you feel needed? Being his psychologist and letting him sleep it off... Maybe he used you and the relationship was perceived differently by each of you?
Hey I totally have a thing for emotionally withdrawn guys. I think I can get them in touch with their emotional side.
. How stupid is that? I talked to my uncle about this briefly yesterday and he said, "Your father does not talk to anyone." So I guess I wasn't supposed to take it personally....
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Hi everyone who responded to me today,
Thank you for your kind & straightforward words, I do appreciate your time & thoughts. I don't expect to get back with him, I wanted to see his uncle to get his nephew (my exAbf in rehab.) My exAbf said " it's awful being an addict" he was told to get into rehab 10 years ago. I know he did me a favor by not stopping & you guys are right- I just thought he could show some manners- but I guess not. I didn't see myself as enabler, I just didn't want him to kill himself or innocent people on the road, that's why I let him sleep it off til he was dried up. I know I'm not a psychologist but my major was in it at college & I was trying to hit the root of it- it all came from his childhood & what he saw- that's what he eventually told me. I just wanted to be clear. I realize I can't help him, but I was expecting him to attempt to be a gentlemen. I guess he doesn't have it in him. I'm learning its a waste of brain power & breath to try to talk to a person like himself. The drugs, the alcohol, the anger, his bi- polar mental illness & the fact that he is a big guy probably would I have killed me eventually. I'm blessed he walked away. But, again, I do thank you all for your thoughts & kindness. God bless all of you for responding. I mean that with my heart. Xoxo Bernadette 777.
Thank you for your kind & straightforward words, I do appreciate your time & thoughts. I don't expect to get back with him, I wanted to see his uncle to get his nephew (my exAbf in rehab.) My exAbf said " it's awful being an addict" he was told to get into rehab 10 years ago. I know he did me a favor by not stopping & you guys are right- I just thought he could show some manners- but I guess not. I didn't see myself as enabler, I just didn't want him to kill himself or innocent people on the road, that's why I let him sleep it off til he was dried up. I know I'm not a psychologist but my major was in it at college & I was trying to hit the root of it- it all came from his childhood & what he saw- that's what he eventually told me. I just wanted to be clear. I realize I can't help him, but I was expecting him to attempt to be a gentlemen. I guess he doesn't have it in him. I'm learning its a waste of brain power & breath to try to talk to a person like himself. The drugs, the alcohol, the anger, his bi- polar mental illness & the fact that he is a big guy probably would I have killed me eventually. I'm blessed he walked away. But, again, I do thank you all for your thoughts & kindness. God bless all of you for responding. I mean that with my heart. Xoxo Bernadette 777.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hello Bernadette!
I've merged your identical threads, and all the responses, into one.
I'm just so sorry you are in pain. It is hard when we think we have put so much of ourselves into a relationship to have the other person just walk away. When one particular relationship in which I was involved ended (his decision), I almost felt as if he 'owed' me something--but he didn't. I was just not the person for him.
Please take good care of yourself. Healing takes time, and I hope you will be generous enough to give yourself the time you need
I've merged your identical threads, and all the responses, into one.
I'm just so sorry you are in pain. It is hard when we think we have put so much of ourselves into a relationship to have the other person just walk away. When one particular relationship in which I was involved ended (his decision), I almost felt as if he 'owed' me something--but he didn't. I was just not the person for him.
Please take good care of yourself. Healing takes time, and I hope you will be generous enough to give yourself the time you need
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Thank you Seren,
I'm grateful for your kind words and your tech skills! thanks for doing that for me. What hurts me is that if it weren't for his drugs, booze, "(scumbag friends" that is his quote he used for the description of his friends )& the bi-polar illness he has, we could of had it all. Same church, same background, attraction, sense of humor, but I'm learning that no amount of love could have or can save him. I feel useless to his disease & invisible in his eyes. It's not fun. But I gotta hang on, I know & will. What bothers me too is that I wasn't willing to be strong as I know I am to walk away from this mess when I saw it. I didn't think I could find a man with all I wanted again. So i stayed. dumb of me. At this point I pray The Lord will send me a wonderful man. My heart is open. Thanks for hearing me out, much love Seren. Xoxo hugs to you.
I'm grateful for your kind words and your tech skills! thanks for doing that for me. What hurts me is that if it weren't for his drugs, booze, "(scumbag friends" that is his quote he used for the description of his friends )& the bi-polar illness he has, we could of had it all. Same church, same background, attraction, sense of humor, but I'm learning that no amount of love could have or can save him. I feel useless to his disease & invisible in his eyes. It's not fun. But I gotta hang on, I know & will. What bothers me too is that I wasn't willing to be strong as I know I am to walk away from this mess when I saw it. I didn't think I could find a man with all I wanted again. So i stayed. dumb of me. At this point I pray The Lord will send me a wonderful man. My heart is open. Thanks for hearing me out, much love Seren. Xoxo hugs to you.
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Originally Posted by Bernadette777
Seren,
Did you ever get to say your peace 2 the person who did that to you?
Did you ever get to say your peace 2 the person who did that to you?
But am I OK...absolutely!! In fact, that man probably did me the biggest favor of my life. I am now married to a funny, warm, thoughtful, intelligent, attractive man whom I would never have met if we had not broken up.
Sometimes, moments in life like this are 'strangely wrapped gifts', as Ann would say
I hope today dawns a little brighter for you, Bernadette!
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Good Morning Seren,
Thank you for your response. I'm so happy for you that you found your wonderful husband. I pray that will happen to me too. With the Same description too of s man! I like Ann's quote of "strangely wrapped gifts" I understand.... Thank you for your time in responding back to me and for the inspiring, kind, & hopeful words. I will keep them in my heart with hope. Have a blessed day. God bless you & your husband. Joy, love, happiness & all the best to you always. With love, Bernadette777
Thank you for your response. I'm so happy for you that you found your wonderful husband. I pray that will happen to me too. With the Same description too of s man! I like Ann's quote of "strangely wrapped gifts" I understand.... Thank you for your time in responding back to me and for the inspiring, kind, & hopeful words. I will keep them in my heart with hope. Have a blessed day. God bless you & your husband. Joy, love, happiness & all the best to you always. With love, Bernadette777
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