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Grandiose plans of an alcoholic

Old 03-28-2014, 02:00 PM
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Grandiose plans of an alcoholic

Sigh...my AH is trying to plan a 'trip around the world' for himself and our son. He wants to take son to various places starting in Tokyo and thinks he can do all this in a 2 week span of time in October. I have so many reservations and snarky comments I want to make but I'm keeping it to myself.

At this point, son does not want to go but hasn't expressed that to his father yet. I have been rehearsing conversations with him, trying not to project, but just listening to his fears and questions and then giving him feedback so that he can tell his father the truth and suggest that they do the trip when he is done with high school when he's 18.(he's 15 now). I told him that he could suggest a trip closer to home that they could do together so that AH understands that our son is just not feeling mature enough for something like this and that he would love to do something less anxiety producing, etc.

For now, AH wants to go to Tokyo, then South Africa, then Egypt to see the Pyramids, then to Spain, and then possibly to Ireland or England. Yes, he says he can do all this in 2 weeks and I WILL NOT allow myself to point out all the impracticalities and my own concerns of said trip. IE:
1.Ummm, do you realize how much time you will spend on airplanes and in airports?
2. 2 days in Tokyo, you'll barely be able to see anything because you'll spend the first day just figuring out where you are on the maps!
3. Egypt? Probably not the safest place to take your 15 year old, considering there are travel advisories to US citizens right now and they tend to shut down the Embassy in Cairo frequently.
4. Umm, a ferry trip off the coast of Africa? Hmm, there's no way in h*ll you're taking our 15 year old in pirate infested waters...just sayin'.
5. Drum roll please.....and where the h*ll is the money going to come from? I'm hoping this is coming from his inheritance that he should be getting soon!
6. Has he considered that this is during the school year and that son will have a lot of work to make up?
7. Seriously, Japan?? My AH hates fish. I mean, hates it with a passion. Isn't fish a main staple in their diets? I guess he could live off rice for a few days, LOL!

Actually, what I'm hoping is that my son gets strong enough to speak his peace and express his truth and his fears honestly to his father. I am trying to NOT get involved. My sponsor thinks he's all talk and no action and that this is yet another tactic to get a rise out of me. I'm not so sure because he keeps talking about it to son and it's been a few weeks now and he's not letting up. I literally have had to pretend there is tape on my mouth because the momma bear in me wants to run into the room screaming: ARE YOU NUTS???
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:09 PM
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He might mean it, but it won't happen. It takes organisation and consistency. Not exactly things that alcoholics are often good at.

My ex is like that. He always means it and might even actually start the project but it never gets finished. I wouldn't worry too much maybe think of it as a positive, a chance for your son to learn to own and express his feelings.
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:30 PM
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Two weeks is not nearly enough time to visit all those places. They'll be traveling for half of their vacation. Maybe two or three countries in Europe in two weeks, but Toyko AND Egypt AND South Africa in the same trip? No.
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:30 PM
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perhaps you guys should rent Around the World in 80 days, the original! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048960/

Liz, that is a real classic there...and it's funny as hell, except the part of him thinking he's going to drag the boy along. i do hope between the two of you, your son can find his voice and say NO DAD I'M NOT GOING. that would be real good for him, his self esteem.

the logistics of just getting to japan and back take some careful planning and prep! much less then go to S Africa??? do you know how FAR S Africa is???? (i ask this rhetorically, of course YOU know!). just how damn big the entire continent of Africa is? when my daughter went on the delegation to S Africa from LA i think it took three days TRAVEL time alone. and while they were in Capetown they were under protective guard at all time.

i'm not sure you could make all those stops in two weeks even if you NEVER LEFT the airport, just hit connecting flights!

dude is loony as they come.

ok, couldn't help myself - using How Far Is It - I used LA as the starting point > Tokyo > Johannesburg > Cairo > Seville Spain > LA (i dropped England/Ireland) that is a total of 25,829 miles. Estimated hours of flight for the above using travelmath dot com with a good tail wind would be 46.25 hours, rounding off. that is just from take off to landing, NOT time on the tarmac, time in the airport, delays, customs, baggage claim, getting LOST, language barriers, lost wallet, lost passport, etc.
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:46 PM
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Just a reminder, to both you and your son. No is a complete sentence. You can say no, your son can say no. You don't have to articulate each and every reason. (And give him ammunition to argue with you.)

"I don't want to go, Dad" can be reason enough.

L
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Old 03-28-2014, 03:16 PM
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I'm glad you had a safe outlet here for all your retorts. SR is great that way!
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Old 03-28-2014, 03:50 PM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
perhaps you guys should rent Around the World in 80 days, the original! Around the World in Eighty Days (1956) - IMDb

Liz, that is a real classic there...and it's funny as hell, except the part of him thinking he's going to drag the boy along. i do hope between the two of you, your son can find his voice and say NO DAD I'M NOT GOING. that would be real good for him, his self esteem.

the logistics of just getting to japan and back take some careful planning and prep! much less then go to S Africa??? do you know how FAR S Africa is???? (i ask this rhetorically, of course YOU know!). just how damn big the entire continent of Africa is? when my daughter went on the delegation to S Africa from LA i think it took three days TRAVEL time alone. and while they were in Capetown they were under protective guard at all time.

i'm not sure you could make all those stops in two weeks even if you NEVER LEFT the airport, just hit connecting flights!

dude is loony as they come.

ok, couldn't help myself - using How Far Is It - I used LA as the starting point > Tokyo > Johannesburg > Cairo > Seville Spain > LA (i dropped England/Ireland) that is a total of 25,829 miles. Estimated hours of flight for the above using travelmath dot com with a good tail wind would be 46.25 hours, rounding off. that is just from take off to landing, NOT time on the tarmac, time in the airport, delays, customs, baggage claim, getting LOST, language barriers, lost wallet, lost passport, etc.
LOL, you're telling the wrong person! I talked a bit to my son about how long he will be on airplanes and he was in shock. He gets fidgety on the 5 hour cross country flights we do regularly. I told him that a 12 hour flight would most likely be a 16 hour travel day between getting to the airport, going through customs and security, and then boarding and flying to the next destination.

Son suggested to AH that they just do one or 2 countries but AH cut him off and said, "What about Russia?" I, at that point, spoke up and reminded him about the issues we're having with Putin and the stuff with the Ukraine to which he said, "Well, the trip will be in October!" Hmmm, so he assumes international relations with Putin will be better by then? For pete's sake! He did decide to take Moscow off the table...for now. God help me!
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:10 PM
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So, is he planning to spend around $40,000 to take a 15 year old on a two week trip where they will literally be in transit most the time?
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:12 PM
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Trying to reason with a drunk or a dry drunk is an exercise in futility. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions other than to say "no", walk away and don't discuss it at all. What he wants to plan for himself is fine -- go ahead! No need for you and your son to have to deal with any of that.

Call and make sure any credit cards have a very low daily credit limit on them -- it'd be terrible if he started actually buying these tickets on your dime.
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
So, is he planning to spend around $40,000 to take a 15 year old on a two week trip where they will literally be in transit most the time?
Looks that way! And, we both are going to need new cars soon and he hates having a car payment so where's the money for that going to come from? Our son will be 16 soon and that means he will be driving which also means our insurance will be increasing, too.

Oh, and son just told me that he mentioned a trip to a tennis event he wants to attend next March and how he wants to plan it out better so we get a good hotel rate, etc and AH says, "Oh, you're not going to be able to go on that trip. Our BIG trip will take the funding for that little one you want to go on." Son was livid and I assured him that I can save enough money in the next 11 months so that we can go for a few days or I could send him with his friends who always go every year. It's insanity at it's finest!
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Looks that way! And, we both are going to need new cars soon and he hates having a car payment so where's the money for that going to come from? Our son will be 16 soon and that means he will be driving which also means our insurance will be increasing, too.

Oh, and son just told me that he mentioned a trip to a tennis event he wants to attend next March and how he wants to plan it out better so we get a good hotel rate, etc and AH says, "Oh, you're not going to be able to go on that trip. Our BIG trip will take the funding for that little one you want to go on." Son was livid and I assured him that I can save enough money in the next 11 months so that we can go for a few days or I could send him with his friends who always go every year. It's insanity at it's finest!
I hope you have separate finances and bank accounts. He doesn't sound financially responsible.
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:44 PM
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I am almost speechless!

Can you imagine the jet lag??? They wouldn't be able to enjoy anything!
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
Just a reminder, to both you and your son. No is a complete sentence. You can say no, your son can say no. You don't have to articulate each and every reason. (And give him ammunition to argue with you.)

"I don't want to go, Dad" can be reason enough.

L
Mmm! I learned this from a very pushy non-A that I love. So true! The less we say, the better!
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Old 03-28-2014, 05:24 PM
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It's a difficult situation, because he sounds like a stubborn person. Has he travelled overseas before? Apart from the alcohol talking, it is just completely naive to think 2 weeks is a realistic timeframe.

Unless he's Donald Trump and has his own private jet?
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Old 03-28-2014, 05:40 PM
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I suggest shutting down any discussion of the trip that WILL NOT happen. don't engage. leave it be. say NO. that is quite enough.
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Old 03-28-2014, 06:42 PM
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How about suggesting a mission trip for the 2 of them. At least that way, your son can be "watched" over by others as well.
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Old 03-28-2014, 08:57 PM
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Hey liztola... how the hell do I get the ole man to remember to get his drivers license picture taken on Monday? He can't remember ****! He'd definitely not remember planning a big elaborate trip like your AH! Hope your son tells him NO! I'd be nervous going abroad with an alcoholic.
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Old 03-28-2014, 10:55 PM
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Be a darn shame if your son couldn't get or find his passport in time.....just sayin'
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Old 03-29-2014, 02:51 AM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
So, is he planning to spend around $40,000 to take a 15 year old on a two week trip where they will literally be in transit most the time?
Given that they still serve free booze on int. flights the journey might be over at customs&immigration country 1.
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Old 03-29-2014, 05:54 AM
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My ABF has a different grandiose plan every week. I used to listen and disect every word. Now i nod my head and take no notice x
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