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Grandiose plans of an alcoholic

Old 03-29-2014, 07:51 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Omg, Liz. It's as funny as it is scary! Let's just hope he moves onto his next alcoholic scheme soon. Poor ds
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted by JustAGirl1971 View Post
Omg, Liz. It's as funny as it is scary! Let's just hope he moves onto his next alcoholic scheme soon. Poor ds
That's what I'm hoping. Although, what I'd like to see happen is that my ds will speak his mind and stand up for what he wants instead of just going along with what dad wants because he's afraid of the fallout. We've actually had practice conversations where he says what he wants to say, I give feedback, etc. I think it's been really helpful and he's expressed his gratitude a few times already.

I calculated the airfare costs based on today's pricing for those flights and came up with around $10,000 just for flying. I can't imagine how much everything else will cost.

To answer someone else's question: Yes, AH has traveled abroad. He was in England for work for a few weeks, he went to Germany for a Rugby event way back in college, and we went on our ten year anniversary to France and Italy.

I did all the planning for the Italy trip. Every last detail was done. I had every day planned, I had every penny accounted for, I knew how to speak the language relatively well, I made cheat sheets and laminated them with the Embassy numbers, hotel numbers, train info, etc and gave him his own copy. I planned for theft by having us use money belts. Basically, I covered everything and all he had to do was sit back and show up. He told me what cities he would like to see and what attractions were most interesting to him so I tried to get us to places where we could cover that. I had a friend in Pisa at the time and I did want to visit her but that was convenient because he wanted to see the Leaning Tower, LOL. Anyway, every single trip we've ever been on has been on my initiative and my planning. Hawaii, Cayman Islands, Seattle, Denver, blah blah blah....It will be interesting to see how he does with planning and the whole thing has my son nervous because he knows that dad's never planned a trip to even San Diego, let alone a trip around the world!
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
That's what I'm hoping. Although, what I'd like to see happen is that my ds will speak his mind and stand up for what he wants instead of just going along with what dad wants because he's afraid of the fallout. We've actually had practice conversations where he says what he wants to say, I give feedback, etc. I think it's been really helpful and he's expressed his gratitude a few times already.

I calculated the airfare costs based on today's pricing for those flights and came up with around $10,000 just for flying. I can't imagine how much everything else will cost.

To answer someone else's question: Yes, AH has traveled abroad. He was in England for work for a few weeks, he went to Germany for a Rugby event way back in college, and we went on our ten year anniversary to France and Italy.

I did all the planning for the Italy trip. Every last detail was done. I had every day planned, I had every penny accounted for, I knew how to speak the language relatively well, I made cheat sheets and laminated them with the Embassy numbers, hotel numbers, train info, etc and gave him his own copy. I planned for theft by having us use money belts. Basically, I covered everything and all he had to do was sit back and show up. He told me what cities he would like to see and what attractions were most interesting to him so I tried to get us to places where we could cover that. I had a friend in Pisa at the time and I did want to visit her but that was convenient because he wanted to see the Leaning Tower, LOL. Anyway, every single trip we've ever been on has been on my initiative and my planning. Hawaii, Cayman Islands, Seattle, Denver, blah blah blah....It will be interesting to see how he does with planning and the whole thing has my son nervous because he knows that dad's never planned a trip to even San Diego, let alone a trip around the world!
I doubt he will plan like you did and the costs will be MUCH more expensive on the fly. Also, when traveling internationally and on an intense schedule, there is no room for error, so if something is delayed/cancelled you will have to pay to accommodate that and make last minute changes. They will be wiped out and find they want to/need to pay for taxis, porters, tour guides rather than walk, carry and figure it out themselves. They will probably want to stay in nicer western hotels in asia and africa and those will cost more too. These things are just the reality of traveling like that.

Two weeks isn't that long. Why not pick ONE country and thoroughly explore that?
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Oh, and son just told me that he mentioned a trip to a tennis event he wants to attend next March and how he wants to plan it out better so we get a good hotel rate, etc and AH says, "Oh, you're not going to be able to go on that trip. Our BIG trip will take the funding for that little one you want to go on." Son was livid and I assured him that I can save enough money in the next 11 months so that we can go for a few days or I could send him with his friends who always go every year. It's insanity at it's finest!
So sad the inconsideration of your AH.

Glad your son has you to reassure him. Working with you to make the tennis trip happen and fun sounds like a much more worthwhile endeavor.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:22 AM
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Lizatola,

Thanks for sharing how you plan for trips. I recently went on a trip with another planner. We did really well sharing the task. Today she started talking about all the running plan options for our next race and I said, "Just pick the one you like and send me the link." It is so refreshing to have a friend who is more anxious and a bigger planner than me! By letting go, I am a better friend and am not a threat. It is good practice for me!

Bummer it is much harder to do in my marriage.

What a great opportunity though to travel. People wing it and survive. I think coaxing DS to speak up for himself is great! Wouldn't it be awesome to just focus on one place for 2 weeks? Spain - the food, art architecture? We did Scotland and Eire in 2 weeks years ago. It worked out well for us.

I asked my DS where he wanted to go and he said - Canada. Ummm OK. I had flashbacks of all the trips I have made to Canada and it was sort of like the US but with Tim Hortons. Now Tim Hortons is in the US - so why go? Lord I think you need a passport now to go to freakin' Canada.... The world is a great place, and I hope it works out so DS gets to go!
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:03 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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To reiterate what others have already said.... "No" is a complete sentence.
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Old 03-29-2014, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
I doubt he will plan like you did and the costs will be MUCH more expensive on the fly. Also, when traveling internationally and on an intense schedule, there is no room for error, so if something is delayed/cancelled you will have to pay to accommodate that and make last minute changes. They will be wiped out and find they want to/need to pay for taxis, porters, tour guides rather than walk, carry and figure it out themselves. They will probably want to stay in nicer western hotels in asia and africa and those will cost more too. These things are just the reality of traveling like that.

Two weeks isn't that long. Why not pick ONE country and thoroughly explore that?
That's what ds wanted to do, too. He even suggested Ireland and England. Although, I did ask ds where he really wants to go and he wants to do a tropical vacation and wants to do Barbados, Aruba, or another Caribbean adventure. I think he's still reliving our Hawaii vacation from 3 years ago, LOL!
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:02 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Update

My son talked to his dad today. I guess AH brought up the fact that he wanted to sleep in one of those tiny compartment hotels in Japan and my ds said, "There's no way I could handle sleeping in something like that!" To which my AH said, "You'll have no choice."

So, he told me that AH was disappointed but agreed without too much conversation about it afterwards. They discussed doing a shorter trip here in the US and started coming up with cities they could visit. Son told AH that he thought that maybe they could put this BIG trip off until after he graduates from high school in 3 years.

I have to say that I'm very proud of my son for saying what he felt, didn't say it mean(no accusations, no pointing out the craziness of the whole thing, etc), and he stuck to his own truth. I hope that at this point, I am doing something right. 2 years ago there was no way I would have handled this so calmly and there's no way my son would have been even remotely OK with talking to his father like this. I'm encouraged by his maturity and by my progress, too. Thank you all, too, for helping to keep me sane!
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:37 PM
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I'm so proud of your son and of you! So happy for both of you.
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Old 03-30-2014, 09:44 PM
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October is a looong way off. I have a feeling this will die a natural death like so many other grandiose alcoholic plans. Let it ride. He can occupy himself with making ridiculous plans and you and your son can occupy yourselves by ignoring him.
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Old 03-30-2014, 09:55 PM
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It's A Big Ole World

I gotta confess, I've been cracking up at the funny parts of this Thread. I understand the underbelly theme is very serious, but I hit some 18 Countries in Int'l Biz over the Decades. The proposed Itinerary is beyond nutso.

AH's unrealistic Travel Plans would be a disaster EVEN IF every detail and Flight connection clicked. The fatigue alone would do in most Mortals. And, them 'Capsule Hotels' in Japan are like sleeping in circular, stacked Caskets. Seen 'em up close; never EVEN considered one.

Due to the SERIOUS Drinking Culture in Japan, and the impossibility of taking >2.5 hour Trains daily back to their affordable Homes in remote Towns, the Capsule Hotels are occupied by smashed, puking 'Salary Men'; the Middle Class 'Grunts' in Suits who make the Corporations hum right along. Late night Trains are no treat, either. Folks are puking on the Trains. You learn to lift your Feet on the curves because here comes the flowing Puke Pool. Hammered Folks regularly pass out and miss their Train Stations. Sorry, but this really is the unvarnished truth. We took it all in humorous stride; such is the nature of Eye-opening Int'l Travel.

It would be a dream locale for the AH to visit and drink in, but only us Travel-hardened types can cope with it well. My last High Tech Contact in Japan before my early Retirement was in his 30s and already had serious Liver Disease from swilling copious amounts of Sake.

The endless hours Worldwide in Airline Seats would be no treat, either. Glad that your Son stepped up to the Plate.

All the best...
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Old 03-31-2014, 07:57 AM
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This thread has brought the memories back in a big way! My alcoholic father was a consummate planner of outrageous and absurd schemes. The one that took the cake was his scheme to falsify his vital documents, dye his hair and lie his way into the Peace Corps, 25 years older than the age limit for applications.
Or his scheme to stop paying taxes. Or his scheme to win big on the stock market.
Of course nothing came of most of his schemes, he enjoyed talking about them more than actually carrying them out.
But sometimes he did carry them out.
I remember an awful trip to Juarez with my father: he got drunk. We were two kids, 11 and 13 with him, and my brother, 13, who had no drivers license ended up driving us home the 300+ miles with drunk father passed out in the back seat.
It's great your son put the brakes on this thing.
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler View Post
October is a looong way off. I have a feeling this will die a natural death like so many other grandiose alcoholic plans. Let it ride. He can occupy himself with making ridiculous plans and you and your son can occupy yourselves by ignoring him.
If you scroll up a few, you will see that my son already told his dad no, and that he suggested a nice week long vacation to a city here in the US or the Caribbean where he(my son) has never been before. Kinda sad to see my AH disappointed, because I truly believe he thought this was a feasible thing. Wait, is that compassion from me? Wow, never saw that coming, LOL.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:34 AM
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It is pretty funny, but I imagine always being the focus of the alcoholic's fantasies and aspirations has to be pretty stressful for your son.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
It is pretty funny, but I imagine always being the focus of the alcoholic's fantasies and aspirations has to be pretty stressful for your son.
yes. i was thinking that too.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:52 AM
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LOL, your son put the ole nail in the COFFIN hotel, LOL! GOOD FOR HIM! I'll bet AH used the fact that your son didn't want to sleep in a hotel coffin as manipulation to say "ok the whole trip's off!" or something. Who cares... at least he's not continuing down La La Land with that trip that would never have happened!
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Old 03-31-2014, 01:30 PM
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Liz, I'm so glad your son was able to speak up for himself. I totally agree that THAT is the great takeaway from this whole situation. My AH is also the king of big plans. For him, it is usually big plans to buy a new truck and fix it up. He has literally been "on the cusp" of buying a new truck at least 20 times in the last three years. And surprise surprise...he has never actually bought one (much less "fixed it up.") I would have been willing to bet that your AH would have lost steam on this plan long before it would have come to fruition. But it absolutely adds a layer of "scary" when these crazy plans involve kids.
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