Sad day
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Captainzing...sorry you feel bad...but you know, like others have said, it's normal to feel sad for lots of different reasons. I didn't drink at all really, til I was 30 or so....maybe 1 on Christmas Day...but in my 20s, my husband at the time was abusing drugs. I was for the most part unaware how bad it had progressed and I knew I had to leave, but on the premise that if he stayed sober for 6 months, we'd work on our relationship.
I went to a psychologist as he was so cold and not responding to any support etc. and blamed me because that's what addicts/alcoholics seem to do and because I was a child of divorce, it was my fault for leaving him! Anyway, my main frustration was him not realising what we were both losing and that he wasn't fighting to keep us together or maintain sobriety. Anyway, it hurt like hell.
The psychologist said, I had 2 choices, work on my marriage, or get on with my life. I said "I want to work on my marriage, but he won't talk to me and is just angry at me for leaving"....so she pauses....and then said, well, you have 2 choices, work on your marriage or get on with your life. I finally got the gist of her point, there was only one real sane choice.
Anyway, she gave me a lot of tools, because it's important to grieve Captain and it will pass, but don't let it turn into despair. She also encouraged me to write in a journal to get my frustrations and anger out...or just plain sadness. It helped so much and as time passed and I read some of the things I'd gotten off my chest, I came to realise it was best to not be with someone who hurt me so much. I hope that happens for you Captain.x
Things will pass, go out and live your life - it's a gift!
P.s. Sorry for the long post, just sharing if it helps. That initial hurt is really hard going.
I went to a psychologist as he was so cold and not responding to any support etc. and blamed me because that's what addicts/alcoholics seem to do and because I was a child of divorce, it was my fault for leaving him! Anyway, my main frustration was him not realising what we were both losing and that he wasn't fighting to keep us together or maintain sobriety. Anyway, it hurt like hell.
The psychologist said, I had 2 choices, work on my marriage, or get on with my life. I said "I want to work on my marriage, but he won't talk to me and is just angry at me for leaving"....so she pauses....and then said, well, you have 2 choices, work on your marriage or get on with your life. I finally got the gist of her point, there was only one real sane choice.
Anyway, she gave me a lot of tools, because it's important to grieve Captain and it will pass, but don't let it turn into despair. She also encouraged me to write in a journal to get my frustrations and anger out...or just plain sadness. It helped so much and as time passed and I read some of the things I'd gotten off my chest, I came to realise it was best to not be with someone who hurt me so much. I hope that happens for you Captain.x
Things will pass, go out and live your life - it's a gift!
P.s. Sorry for the long post, just sharing if it helps. That initial hurt is really hard going.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I take an OTC supplement to help with sleep, it's called PM relaxtion, try some honey-vanilla "relaxing tea" along with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream. (or a turkey sandwich)
calcium and magnesium make you sleepy, but be careful with magnesium, it can do a number on the lower GI tract.
I am the queen of insomnia, when needed, I use Tylenol PM, it also helps my allergies...Zyrtec also works like valium on me, it really puts me to sleep.
being sleep deprived and stressed as you are, works to rev up the cortisol levels and it gets to be a vicious cycle (kind of like menopause)
calcium and magnesium make you sleepy, but be careful with magnesium, it can do a number on the lower GI tract.
I am the queen of insomnia, when needed, I use Tylenol PM, it also helps my allergies...Zyrtec also works like valium on me, it really puts me to sleep.
being sleep deprived and stressed as you are, works to rev up the cortisol levels and it gets to be a vicious cycle (kind of like menopause)
I am sorry.
I went through divorce after 13 years of marriage, and I won't lie: it was very painful for a long time.
But sometimes people force your hand by their behavior or lack of behavior. And then our choice is clear.
The good news is I never missed the craziness. And since it was clear that things were not going to ever change for the better if the marriage continued, I have not regretted it.
But there was a lot of mourning.
Keep sharing Cap. It really helps.
Big hugs!!
I went through divorce after 13 years of marriage, and I won't lie: it was very painful for a long time.
But sometimes people force your hand by their behavior or lack of behavior. And then our choice is clear.
The good news is I never missed the craziness. And since it was clear that things were not going to ever change for the better if the marriage continued, I have not regretted it.
But there was a lot of mourning.
Keep sharing Cap. It really helps.
Big hugs!!
for I know there is always pain for all family members involved in divorce
prayers for you all sent out -- 5:47 PM -- Southern California
MM
How they derive at this is beyond me but, I read an article the other day saying the economy was improving by the rise of divorces.
The article said, people will stay in an unhappy marriage when they are financially forced to.
We had no children together that helps a lot. I've read articles about step children being a main reason for the failure in a second marriage.
The article said, people will stay in an unhappy marriage when they are financially forced to.
We had no children together that helps a lot. I've read articles about step children being a main reason for the failure in a second marriage.
I was in an unhealthy marriage for 18 years and finally left it. I went through sorts of emotions but as time went by and I got some distance from the situation I realized just how destructive it was.
Today a few years latter I met a wonderful woman who is more than I could ask for and certainly more than I deserve. I see now how totally necessary it was to get out of the marriage.
We deserve happiness and to live an unnecessary unhappy life is a disservice to ourselves and to God
Today a few years latter I met a wonderful woman who is more than I could ask for and certainly more than I deserve. I see now how totally necessary it was to get out of the marriage.
We deserve happiness and to live an unnecessary unhappy life is a disservice to ourselves and to God
Doing the right thing often means doing the most painful thing too...but it's still the right thing when all is said and done.
It's sad when the dreams we had don't come true, it hard to walk away from a relationship that no longer works for anyone, and it's normal to grieve our losses, grief is part of the process that leads to healing.
Better days are ahead, Zing, I promise you that.
Hugs
It's sad when the dreams we had don't come true, it hard to walk away from a relationship that no longer works for anyone, and it's normal to grieve our losses, grief is part of the process that leads to healing.
Better days are ahead, Zing, I promise you that.
Hugs
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