Anger
On the rare occasion that I do show my anger, the response is "What's wrong with you?"
Yet, if AH gets angry, he is merely "being honest." And I wouldn't want him to be less than honest, would I?
I have really had that question asked of me.
Yet, if AH gets angry, he is merely "being honest." And I wouldn't want him to be less than honest, would I?
I have really had that question asked of me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25
My husband's family treats antagonism as an art form. He liked to interrupt, interrogate, and raise his voice until I reacted. The solution to any problem was not to ripple his pond. He considered a critical tone in my voice as equivalent to yelling. Things got physical too. I went to counselling, several in fact, looking for the courage to leave. It was awful for the whole family, but less so for him. I was eventually told that if you go for marriage counselling they don't help you take care of yourself or your children.
These games are power plays. They have long roots. My experience (30 years) was that angering another gives them control. It took me years to figure out how to establish my control in his mind. I had to address his insecurities. I had to establish that I was more important to him than his family and friends. I made it clear that I we would both be fine without each other and I had boundaries.
I never wanted to be a competitive, ultimatum blurting, reactionary or submissive pin cushion. I didn't have the communication skills to talk to anyone. But, he didn't respect anything else. Unexpressed anger isn't healthy, because its still anger and its going to find a way out. Either way it will make you sick.
Today we talk long walks, every weekend. Usually 2-4 hours. We've had some stressful walks, but mostly it humanizes us.
These games are power plays. They have long roots. My experience (30 years) was that angering another gives them control. It took me years to figure out how to establish my control in his mind. I had to address his insecurities. I had to establish that I was more important to him than his family and friends. I made it clear that I we would both be fine without each other and I had boundaries.
I never wanted to be a competitive, ultimatum blurting, reactionary or submissive pin cushion. I didn't have the communication skills to talk to anyone. But, he didn't respect anything else. Unexpressed anger isn't healthy, because its still anger and its going to find a way out. Either way it will make you sick.
Today we talk long walks, every weekend. Usually 2-4 hours. We've had some stressful walks, but mostly it humanizes us.
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