Facing the financial fears
 

As my AH prepares to find his own place through our separation I have been drowning in fear over my finances.

Due to AH crazy finances it was hard to really make a budget and stick to it. Money was always being shuffled around, taken out of joint account for 'business' and not returned, poor spending habits, etc. I know when my checks are coming in but they are never steady because of the nature of my work. Some months it's next to nothing and some months it is enough to last the next few moths. But we always lives week to week with many late payments when there should have been money for it. There was so much uncertainty and stress.

Yesterday I decided to face the fear head on and pull up all the accounts for the past few months to get an idea of how to budget my income living as a single parent. Facing the fear was awesome!!

It's not as bad as I thought. I can easily pay the rent and my bills for the next 6 months with my projected income. It feels so good to know my money will be in my account, under my control and I will be secure if I stick to my budget. It's going to be tight and I know future clients will come my way just like they always do.

I would rather live on a tight budget and be in control of it than live with the complete financial craziness that has been my marriage.

PLUS I just realized I no longer have to pay his back taxes, back payments for child support and all the other money problems I was "helping" with due to HIS consequences of HIS addiction that were present before we even met! So freeing. He has been really manipulating my fear of finances with his departure. I keep hearing 'this isn't fair, you are putting me into survival mode on the streets with no money. You wouldn't do this to a person you say you love' :duck Actually.....AH you put yourself there with your irresponsible behavior.

I am still working on the resentment I feel for using ALL of our savings for his last round of rehab. It still stings. But I am sitting in it and will move past it eventually.

BUT It's always nice to face fears, find the positive consequences and keep on keepin on

:dance1:

Yay for you, Trailsky!! It is so much easier to handle the finances when we're totally in control, isn't it? I, too, found that it wasn't as scary to face the finances as I thought it would be. And, if I go over the budget, I'm the one who has to deal with it and figure out where the money comes from to cover it. So much simpler :)

I'm glad you overcame that hurdle, Trailsky!

Good for you! I find that when I am really scared of something to just jump in and do it is normally not nearly as bad as what I imagine up in my head!

So glad you did this, you are strong and capable!

XXX

You will be amazed at how much simpler and less stressful your financial situation becomes. Amazed. It's going to be so awesome to go week to week and be able to stop worrying about your financial status.

I found the same thing. Making a budget and realizing it works, and I am in control, and money is not going to just disappear -- that was awesome!

You sound good. Strong. Determined. :)

Thank you for posting this. I struggle with financial fears, A LOT. I haven't worked in 15 years and would like to continue homeschooling my 15 year old due to his disabilities(learning related, not physical) and I still haven't figured out how I'd be able to work it out on my own. It's one of my main excuses for staying, but I have accepted that it's my excuse and that I can change that any time I like when I get over the fear.

Hugs to you. So glad you've worked out a budget that will help you succeed in the near future.

Thank you for the support

Sounds like you know what's holding you back. Good luck with your decision :) it's really scary getting back out there when you have been home for so long. When I left my first husband I rented a place with an extra room and found a Roomate to help with the costs.