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Please talk me down.

Old 03-24-2014, 09:57 PM
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Please talk me down.

My anxiety is through the roof. I am sick as a dog and only have one more week of work to go. We're in the process of setting up our new dental office. There's a message on the machine that explains to people that we will be closed until March 31st. We've had a couple of emergencies and both of these people were total jerks to me when I called them back. Part of it is because of the way my boss handles them. She's rude and condescending and then I do damage control. One guy spent $9,000 on his dental work and it is failing. He is going to sue her. Not my problem.....I know......but I don't even want to tell her about it right now. I've always tried to help him and he was a real dick to me on the phone, when I'm calling him at 8:00 at night to see how he's doing.

There is so much to do it's overwhelming and I have to accept that some stuff is not going to get done and it's not all going to be perfect. What is so hard about that? Why do I care so much?

I just keep telling myself that I have to get through the next week and it will be over. Then I start beating myself up about how I should have quit this job long ago. I can't sleep and it's affecting my relationship because I am a total basket case--irritable and emotional and irrational. I know I could just say f-it but I have to see it through. I have to do it for myself. To know that I did the right thing and did a good job. All of these perfectionistic self-loathing thoughts keep going through my head. Nothing is helping. Meditation, deep breathing, etc......I want to numb out so badly. I am gripped by fear and am having a real problem controlling my racing thoughts.

I don't even know the point of this post. All of this BS means nothing in the big scheme of things and I'm being a drama queen. Why am I flipping out? I guess it's because even though I've done my best to help people, when problems arise they don't hesitate to #*$& all over me. I don't want to sound like a victim, but I feel so powerless right now. I am having a hard time detaching. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

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Old 03-24-2014, 10:31 PM
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How are you rb? Are you breathing any better than when you posted?

Rude, condescending people...jerks on the phone who threaten lawsuits...nothing you can do about them. You handled them all beautifully and that's all you can do! Their problems, not yours!

The good news is that you did quit! I remember you posting after you had made your decision and it appears you made a smart choice. Now pat yourself on the back for making a choice that was healthy for you. Tomorrow you are one day closer to being free from this job.

Hopefully your vent gave you some relief. And I will say a prayer that you get a good night's sleep.

Hang in there. Take back your power by remembering you have no power over others. Only you. And you're pretty darn amazing. You'll get through this.
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Old 03-24-2014, 10:35 PM
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The first line sums it up...."you are sicker than a dog." I know when I'm that sick there is no rationalizing, only extreme emotions. Be kind to yourself, even when your boss is less than professional and patients are being less than patient. I love the saying I've heard in al anon when people all around are being jerkish, "that's their problem, it has nothing to do with me." 99% of the time that's correct.

Rest and get well! Sending good energy your way! Happy Birthday by the way!

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Old 03-24-2014, 10:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Smiley1 View Post
I love the saying I've heard in al anon when people all around are being jerkish, "that's their problem, it has nothing to do with me." 99% of the time that's correct.

Rest and get well! Sending good energy your way! Happy Birthday by the way!

Thank you both. I have calmed down a bit and am feeling better. Thanks for listening! I appreciate the kind words and thoughts. The statement above helps a lot.
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Old 03-25-2014, 12:01 AM
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:day1
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Old 03-25-2014, 02:35 AM
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Preparing to detach can be stressful ReaderBaby (writer extraordinaire),

I was reading about emotional abuse just recently and realized my old boss's behaviors were on this power wheel. Well, well, well. No wonder the guy totally triggered me. But I took pains to leave on good terms because I am still in the same work place though no longer work in his dept.

You are almost there. HALT works for everyone. Be patient with yourself. Make a fair cut off between being a good employee and being perfectionistic. Maybe some issues you just need to prepare a brief on this is where you needed to leave the situation and let them go so you can focus on smaller issues and take time to wrap up and tie as many bows without going in Codie double-knotting. Hugs. Soon you will be free.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:09 AM
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These patients and your soon to be exboss have zero respect for your efforts, they do not care if you are working your tail off, trying to do damage control.
its ridicules that you are ALLOWING them to control your life and make you ill, they are robbing you of sleep, giving you debilitating stress and essentially stealing your life.
cut them off as soon as possible this week and be done, they will soon find another person to abuse, you need to stop worrying about others and care about yourself.
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:46 AM
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Hope you're feeling better Readerbaby. Moving an office can be extremely stressful, and being sick on top of it just amplifies this.

I think you're taking on your boss's stress, and really, these are not your problems, they're hers. You are an employee, not the business owner. I know dealing with crabby rude people can bring you down if you let them, but again, it's not your problem. Just do what you can to the best of your ability and let the rest go.

Hang in there, you're almost free!!
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:55 AM
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I just saw this on Facebook, funny how these things show up when someone needs them.

12 Steps for Self Care

1.If it feels wrong don't do it.

2.Say exactly what you mean.

3.Don't be a people pleaser.

4.Trust your instincts.

5.Never speak bad about yourself.

6.Never give up on your dreams.

7.Don't be afraid to say no.

8. Don't be afraid to say yes.

9.Be kind to yourself.

10.Let go of what you can't control.

11.Stay away from drama and negativity.

12.Love.

Do take good care of yourself Readerbaby.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:16 AM
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Good morning readerbaby!

I hope you had a good night sleep. I agree with all the above. You 're awesome. You went over and beyond what is required of an excellent employee. This dentist put you in the position of feeling that her negligence, horrible bedside manner and bad attitude are yours. Not true! These all belong to her along with the consequences. It looks like she has been very emotionally abusive to you. I'm soo happy you are leaving this job! You deserve utmost respect. She does not know how to give that to you....much less anyone else. You definitely made the RIGHT choice by leaving this job. Do NOT second guess your decision.

You are such a talented writer and wonderful person...you have so much going for you. It's time to use all your awesome talents to benefit you not some nasty lady who gives you zero appreciation.

Just get through this week and you are FREE!

Happy Birthday!
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:10 AM
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Get enough sleep and eat what you want this week. Do what you need to do to make sure you have enough energy. When I am sick my energy is always low and I am emotionally fragile. This passes when I am no longer sick.
These things cause HUGE amounts of stress and drain energy really fast.
1. you are sick
2. you are leaving a job
3. you are moving your office
4. you are solving customer service issues (not fun, i did that when I was younger)
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:30 AM
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Countdown.

Sort of 100 bottles of beer on the wall . . . ok, bad example around here.

You are a tough girl.

7 days? You can do that standing on your head and singing.
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:39 AM
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Hi, Readerbaby. I hope you're feeling better today I think Hammer's idea of keeping a countdown is a good one. Just take it one day at a time. And, remember, your day can start at any time so if you're having a particularly horrible day, just start it over at whatever time it happens to be You can do this!!!
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:25 AM
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Hi everyone.....thanks for your support. I didn't get to sleep until about 2:00 last night, but I am feeling better. I almost jumped right back into my craziness this morning though.....I thought, "I gotta get over there!" and wasn't even going to take a shower. Then I told myself to slow down, take some time to take care of myself, and chill the eff out. I'm going to walk my dogs and take my time. I also took a xanax this morning and might call my shrink later to see if I can speak to him on the phone (he's really great about that). I'm not even telling her about that patient until I feel like it. I need to focus on what I can control (myself and my actions) and let go of what I can't.

Thank you all so much and have a great day. I'll check in tonight!

A
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:31 AM
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Oh, also when my BF got home he told me about something that happened at work that I think he should be proud of. He was getting garbage together from the front of house of the restaurant and there were a few half-empty bottles of wine. He said there was a bottle of merlot that was almost full. His first thought was, "how can someone throw away a whole bottle of wine?" Then he thought, "wow, that's what normal drinkers do." His manager is really cool and knows about his alcoholism and he talked to him about it. He said he thought about the past and how he would've taken the wine and hid it somewhere to drink it later. He said he has no desire to live like that anymore and wants to be honest with himself and others.

I am very proud of him for being open and honest and dealing with his issues in a mature way. It's a big deal that he talked to his manager about it and said he was fine with it because he thought it through before acting out old patterns. It's pretty cool.
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:35 AM
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One more week! You can absolutely do this. Just do what you need to do and be as calm as possible, you will be fine!

Deep breaths my friend!

XXX
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by readerbaby71 View Post

I am very proud of him for being open and honest and dealing with his issues in a mature way. It's a big deal that he talked to his manager about it and said he was fine with it because he thought it through before acting out old patterns. It's pretty cool.
wow.

You Are One Lucky One.

You have something THAT Good at home and you are fretting about a silly job that is almost over?

Must be reading comic books.

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Old 03-25-2014, 08:11 AM
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I'm glad that you are feeling better this morning readerbaby! And the update on your BF is awesome - a testimony to baby steps in action IMO when you weren't seeing/feeling that same sense of growth from him just a couple of weeks ago. (if I remember your posts from then correctly that is......?)

Reading your post from last night made me think of a quote I have on my kitchen cabinet: "The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated.... it is finished when it surrenders."

When I am feeling defeated (because it DOES happen no matter how strong our recoveries are, we ALL have off days) I stop & think - have I surrendered? Nope.

I don't think you are waving any white flags of surrender either, lol. Today is a new day & I'm glad you took some time for some extra self-care... I hope you continue that theme all day. Very soon, all this job stress will be behind you!!
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Old 03-25-2014, 08:19 AM
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You know me and my quotes so here is another one.

Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Hang in there short timer.

By the way, congrats on your boyfriend. That was some good insight on his part.

Your friend,
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Old 03-25-2014, 08:47 AM
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All of these perfectionistic self-loathing thoughts keep going through my head.
Here's a thought for you -- may or may not apply, but it's one that I've been working on lately:

My perfectionism is not about anyone else. It's about me not being able to feel good enough about myself unless I can attain perfection. I've set fuzzy parameters for what "perfection" means, but I know unless I constantly strive for it and feel like it's within reach, I'm a horrid useless human being.

It's not a positive motivator. A positive motivator would be looking toward a goal and working diligently to reach it. The "I have to be perfect" is more like being chased by an angry grizzly bear. If I don't achieve perfection, I get anxious.

And when we define perfection in a way that includes other people being satisfied and happy, that grizzly will catch up with us every time. Because we have no power over other people. That dude with the $9K dental work? He might have a reason to be mad. But he might also be mad because his wife is leaving him or his boss didn't promote him or any number of things.

I can only judge myself by standards that I have control over. I can only do my best. Other people's reactions -- are other people's reactions. As long as I know that I have done what's reasonable and decent, that's all I should strive for.
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