EmmyG

I've got a whole slew of issues with my mother lol. She is super loving and warm most of the time, but she doesn't offer a lot in the way of emotional support. I think a lot of my codie thinking comes from taking care of her emotionally as a child. And when I married my husband, whirlwind romance kind of thing, she started pushing me to make her a grandchild right away. She didn't know my husband at all then, and it was totally normal that I'd get married so fast. My parents raised us in a very conservative religion, so all they cared about at the time was that we got married and didn't have sex outside of marriage - as long as that was covered, they were cool with anything really.

PippiLngstockng

Yeah, see? My Mom just wanted me to marry someone 'successful' with money. Before xah I almost married my boyfriend of four years, who was extremely expressive and loving with me. But she didn't approve because he didn't have the credentials she cared anout.

She was concerned for herself, not me.

When xah pulled the money plug and left the children and I with no support at all, her solution was that I go crawl back to him.

I have only myself to blame for the decisions I made. But I'd be dumber than dumb to follow the advice of those that didn't have my best interests at heart.

You will learn to follow your hp, Emmy. It's gonna work out just fine!

theuncertainty

You're doing great, Emmy!

Gaaaah! Taking that step to sign the lease is nerve-wracking, exhilarating, terrifying, gratifying enough without worrying about some one else's opinion.

I didn't tell my mom until I got the new number connected. Too late now for doubts, Mom. It's done. It's only a year and I'll go on from that point when I get there. I don't know.

Carlotta

Congratulations on your new home

Now it's up to you to fill it with happiness and recovery!

EmmyG

Thanks!! I've been reading your old posts (trying to find strength anywhere I can, because I sure need it) - would you recommend this book you mentioned: "But He'll Change - Ending the Thinking that Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship by Joanna Hunter?" I'm in this place where I need to really get information on why I've been thinking the way I have for so long and minimizing his behavior (abuse).

theuncertainty

The 'But He'll Change' book is incredibly helpful. It's written with a lot of (very familiar) reasons stay in the abusive relationship as the start of each section and then information about what healthier thinking sounds like and then topics to explore when journaling (or with a counsellor). It helped show me the excuses I'd used and in some cases didn't even realize were excuses.

Another great book that helped me identify what AXH did and helped me realize it wasn't 'normal' is Lundy Bancroft's 'Why does He Do That.'