peacesoul

Good thoughts to you Prayer. You're getting great responses. Take it easy on yourself, it's a lot to take in, you sound so new to reaching out (whether on this forum or with the medical care). Two thoughts I have, from your first post, you say your son is worried and asking if you're going to leave your husband. Are you sure he's worried? Maybe he is seeing this situation with clearer eyes than he's getting credit for, he sees something wrong and maybe even sees what he thinks as a solution. I'm glad he's going to the Alateen, it'll show his family situation is not unique, but also that it's not an appropriate way to live (I think). While I didn't grow up in a A household, growing up in any sort of bad/not normal family dynamic cuts deeply.
And secondly, you're right to curb your AH's detox expectations. In December my A had an apt for outpatient, never went. He's not drinking, but similar to lots of As, has found other sources for his addiction tendencies (weed, working out, other women/sex). I don't know if he'll ever be strong enough to face his inner demons and flush out the reason he's so bent on covering his inner soul.
My daughter is almost 4, for her (and my!) sake I am thankful our divorce will be final in a few months. Our marriage lasted 10 years, I see now that was many years too long.