Courage To Change 03/22/14
 

In order to survive in the contradictory and explosive world of alcoholism, many of us learn to ignore our feelings. We lost touch with ourselves without even knowing it
For example, although I pointed and accusing finger at the alcoholics in my life for deserting me in times of need, I wasn't a very good friend to myself. In my fear and confusion, I walked away from the little child in me who lived simply, who cried when the cat died and then let it go, who could appreciate a sunset and not want to own it, and who lived one day at a time.
Recovery does not mean that I have to become a different person. It means I need to start being myself again. The lessons I'm learning in Al-Anon are lessons I already know. I just need to remember.

Today's Reminder

There is an innocence within me that already knows how to trust my Higher Power, to cherish life while holding it lightly, to live fully and simply in the present moment. I will allow that part of myself to come forward and nourish me as I continue on this journey.

"It takes one a long time to become young."

I love this. Before I realized my A was an A, several of our mutual friends apparently had made comments to my ex that I had 'changed.' I wasn't surprised to hear this because I knew something had changed, I just didn't know what. All I knew was that I was unhappy, irratable, and feeling like I was crazy. When I finally learned that I had simply been impacted by alcoholism, it was almost a relief to finally know what it was. It was also a relief to know I could find myself again.

"there is an innocence within me that already knows how to trust my higher power"

I teared up at this. I had forgotten, I used to find this easy. Thank you for the reminder and lightening bolt.