choublak

They have a "Relationships" section of the forums, and some people do post there about having a partner who drinks too much. But the responses in the threads are just so different from the ones in this forum. I don't know if it's that people are naive, or what.

ladyscribbler

I wonder how some of these posts would go over on ***** Answers. The Dear Abby crowd on ***** does tend to be fairly insightful, though. There was a letter from a woman who daily bought her AH booze (enable much?) and was angry at cashiers/other customers at the grocery store commenting about how much fun she must be having. She was enraged and wanted DA to tell everyone how rude it is to say things like that b/c you never know their circumstances, blah blah blah.
Best comments ever. Tons of ACOAs on there. I think DA politely suggested Alanon, etc.
That's why I love this forum. People freaking GET IT.
Best of luck on your search. I'm in the process of moving myself (just in town). Take care.

Lulu39

I know what you mean. On another general forum I visit the responses to people who ask about their loved ones who are addicts are usually ridiculous. For example:

You should just sit him down and have a good, long talk.

I can tell the Al Anon people from their responses and they from mine and we give each-other "likes" or whatnot. As for the rest of the people, usually people with no experience, they have ALL THE ANSWERS and ALL THE SOLUTIONS and it is "pretty simple really".

Mellybug

Oh, yes, it's very simple. Why do we even NEED Al Anon and all of the forums and sites relating to the friends and families of addicts? After all, it's so simple - you just sit down and "talk" about it. We must ALL either simply not know HOW to talk to them effectively, or we're too scared and timid to say anything in the first place.

Yes, I'm being extremely sarcastic. I'm so glad I hadn't actually seen any of these myself, because I wouldn't be able to refrain from chiming in. LOL

Hammer

City Data and A's. That is a good find, Choublak.

Facebook Alanon (yes there Really IS such a thing) is always a lot of fun.

Just about like here.

choublak

Someone in the city-data forums asked a question about her ex husband having custody of her young son, as she didn't want the ex husband (who had gotten a DUI) driving drunk with her son in the car. And somebody else was like, "if he has a DUI, why would he drive drunk with a kid in the car?"

I remember laughing to myself and thinking, you have no idea, do you.

choublak

Facebook Alanon?

That could get ugly...and probably already has.

hopeful4

I really cannot read stuff like that, I am just enraged when I read it. To know there are people out there that spew out stuff like that not having a clue what they are talking about just makes me furious.

That my friends is why I stick to the SR forums only...you guys are my peeps LOL!

Stung

I get a variation of one of two responses "you should divorce him, I'd never put up with what he's put you through" or "why are you guys still separated if he stopped drinking? I'm sure he's sorry and he'll never drink again."

Good friends just tell me that they think I'm doing a good job being a single parent and if things work out, then great but if things don't work out the girls and I will be just fine.

lillamy

Look at it this way: It's actually a good thing that there are people in the world who haven't experienced what we have, and who are therefore utterly clueless when it comes to addiction. They're probably happier people for it.

I just saw a friend on Facebook, an addict who took a whopper of a relapse after 25 years of sobriety, get utterly clueless responses to his post about currently being in the process of drinking himself to death.

Most people don't know. I didn't. I wish I hadn't had reason to acquire the intimate knowledge of addiction that I have.

HopefulinFLA

If I had a dollar for every "talk" I had with AH........LMAO!

Mellybug

The way I see it - if you haven't experienced it, please don't try to give advice on it.

I would never suggest to someone about how to go mountain climbing if I've never done it before...

I suppose that's where I have to remember, "Take what you can use and ignore the rest"....

theuncertainty

OMG... This is probably in no way helpful to the conversation but: I couldn't stop laughing that this was my first thought... "I don't usually climb mountains, but seems to me a slip knot is the best knot ever. For. Every.Thing."

Sorry for the sidetrack.

choublak

Now, that I do have to ask why he posted about that on Facebook.

choublak

To be fair though, people do ask for advice on it. It's a general "relationships" forum, and people ask and give advice on relationships.

SeriousKarma

I guess people are just trying to help us "regain control" of a situation that we "lost control" of. Not realizing it was never ours to control.

I must have been lucky. When I finally started telling family and friends what was going on with my marriage, and my STBXAH's addiction, I only encountered a few overly zealous people trying to offer advice. They were easily reined in when I explained the nature of the disease.

Of course, I had been going to Al-anon a solid year before I told anyone close to me what was going on. I think (I know) that made all the difference.

velma929

Oh gosh, in my youth a friend had a DUI. His lawyer said he'd do him a big favor and get friend a continuance. Friend wondered why that was a favor. Lawyer explained that in the time he'd bought by getting it, friend could find an apartment near work, and go through his drunk driving course while he still had a license.

Fast forward a few years, and spouse is going through the DEEP course for his OUI. Instructor asked on night 1 how many in class had had their licenses suspended. Most hands went up. Then he asked how many of them had driven themselves to class. Most of them had.

Hammer

It (supposedly) has some "grown-ups." dunno if they are as good as the ones here, but there are some.

Mostly about like here. Old-tymers with the Long View, and struggling newbies. Alanon is Alanon no matter where you go it seems.

choublak

Oh, I was referring to the anonymity factor, and names being seen on Facebook...

Hammer

dunno.

I guess it is about as Anon as a Face-to-Face meeting. Had not thought about it too much.

I do not have to worry about "outing" Mrs. Hammer, as it is a Closed Group, and we have different last names, and she will not "Friend" me on Facebook, anyway.

Sometime ago . . . dunno . . . I guess somewhere between the AA Gossip Girls running back over the AA side and talking about me . . and guess after I started doing the "Hammer-Time-Show," or whatever to call it at the Take A Meeting / Alanon Intro to the Family Day at the Local Rehab . . . . I just quit worrying about being ashamed or scared or I dunno what, for and about me.

The Take a Meeting Thing . . . . You know my routine(s). Typically somewhere around 50 folks or more, and putting on an interactive show -- getting them involved like troops heading out on a mission.

About half the room comes and says -- We Are Going. We want what you have. I tell them to set their sight a little higher. I am just a dirty, dim, scratched mirror reflecting some of His Glory.

Hide it under a bushel? No. Let it shine.