RockCat

XABF is sitting in jail again. He got his Third DUI in less than two years last night.

I keep getting phone calls. He's begging me to sign him out, he has the bail money.

His car has been seized. He's supposed to start his new job tonight...

I'm all he's got, he says.

I'm just sitting in my home wondering what to do?

least

If it were me I'd let him sit there. He needs to see the consequences of his actions and sitting in jail may make him realize he needs help.

CarryOn

Welcome back, RockCat.

I agree with Least - do nothing. This is not your problem. Allow him to deal with the consequences of his actions.

He is an X for a reason, right? Maybe time to go no contact.

You mentioned in your first post that you have health issues - continuing to deal with him and his drama will not help you...please take care of yourself and let him take care of himself.

SparkleKitty

You could save him. Or you could give him the opportunity of learning how to save himself.

ResignedToWait

Call a friend or three, go out to dinner or a movie.

Remind yourself how nice it is without him in your life.

Carlotta

Check out that thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-say-jail.html

m1k3

A little saying that has worked over and over for me.

When in doubt, don't.

Your friend,

AnvilheadII

1. He's your EX
2. He got arrested for the THIRD time for driving under the influence, endangering himself and others.
3. You can bet you are not the only call he's making nor the only one hearing the "you're all i've got" schtick.
4. He's your EX
5. He KNEW he was starting a new job TONITE but got drunk and stupid LAST nite and is now in the hoosgaw. WHERE HE BELONGS.

here's the beauty part....YOU don't have to DO anything. nothing is required of you. he called, he asked, you have every right to decline the call and/or SAY NO. and go on with your un-incarcerated, un-DUI life!

RockCat

Thanks guys! I just needed to hear it. I know leaving him there is best. Even his family said to leave him.

And yes, I've heard everything he is saying now, every other time...

Broken record.

I like that saying! I'm going to use it...

Florence

Now go getcherself a cup of coffee or something nice.

RockCat

Thank you, Florence! I think I will!

caboblanco

3 duis in 2 years..so he was drunk driving on suspended liscence twicw?

littlefish

I think you answered the question when you described him as your X.

Recovering2

"No" is a complete sentence.

He's not your problem to fix or solve. He's an EX. As long as someone continues to throw a net under him, he will never fully experience the consequences of his actions. Best thing you can do is block him so you don't hear any more of the drama. He will figure it out....they always do.

peacesoul

I agree with the others, but no need to feel guilt (at all) about the job. With 3 DUIs, he's probably got more court/jail ahead of him and the job likely won't last through that.

Mellybug

My experience:
When I was dating an A a number of years ago, I was called to be his DD when he was drunk at a bar. As we were getting ready to leave, his card wouldn't work to pay his tab (he was overdrawn) and as I was paying the tab, he got in his truck and drove home. He was in an accident and I came upon it. He ended up being airlifted to a hospital 45 minutes away...I had to be the one to call his parents in the middle of the night, then drive to their place to take us all to the hospital.
A few weeks later I got a call from the police station - they were going to indict him one DUI charges, and I was asked to give my testimony. I was still living with him, but I went and testified. He lost his license and shortly after his job...The day he lost his job I was also laid off - he chose to get very wasted that night, and the guy he got drunk with needed a ride home, so I gave it to him. He tried to sexually assault me in his driveway, but fortunately I always carried a knife with me and was able to "gently persuade" him not to touch me.
When I told my drunk bf what had happened, he asked me why I had to be such a b**** to his friends.
I moved out that weekend...the next weekend his EX called me and asked me why I left...but then thanked me because they got back together! I told her that I was glad that he had someone to take care of him, because now I didn't have to feel guilty for him.
She then was carting him around, driving him to job interviews, etc.
My point - if it isn't YOU, it very well could be someone else...
He's not your responsibility...YOU are your responsibility.
Hugs

marie1960

In the state I reside, there is a very high probability, 3 DUI's in less than two years, will land you in the PRISON system.

His actions, his consequences.

RockCat has her own precious life to live.

((((hugs))))))

jacrazz

I agree with Mike. if you have to ask......I know what I would do but thats the great thing about not having to ask others!

CAPTAINZING2000

The fist time is a mistake, the second time is a choice.
My son got a third DUI while he was waiting for a court appear ace on his second one.
He was a mess since he came back from Afghanistan .
I wouldn't bail him out.

My wake up call was my last drunken arrest and no one would bail me out.
I had to reach pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization to stop my drinking.
A third DUI will result in a long period of ever getting his dl back again.

You did the right thing in not bailing him out