Timeforachange1

Do any of you have any experience with 'dry drunks'? My AH has abstained from consuming alcohol for approximately 4 years. He relapsed and began using prescription pills sometime after being released from probation (so probably 1 1/2 years ago). I stood by him through rehab, jail, the horrible mood swings, AA, individual counseling, more mood swings, irritability, disrespect, more mood swings... oh did I forget to tell you about his raging mood swings?

We are separated now, and likely headed for divorce court in the VERY near future. As I sit here tonight I am wondering how many of you have experienced this? My AH (i don't considering him recovering because he still acts and thinks like an addict) texts me "I have hit my bottom. I know what I need to do. There's a meeting down the road and I need weekend meetings too." Yes I am bitter, angry and fed up with his selfish ass so naturally I say "well it sounds like you know what you need to do for you." He is manipulating I am sure because he ALWAYS tries to manipulate everyone. I am in no way questioning my decision to live solo, but I am wondering how common is this behavior? One minute he is a raging *******, and the next tries to smooth talk his way back home. Seriously? I want to just scream I do not have amnesia! I clearly remember everything in vivid detail. Every insult, every selfish act, every lie, every fight with the kids, everything.

I am probably just tired, and tomorrow I will read this and laugh but tonight I am quite angry with him and pissed at myself for staying as long as I did!

DoubleBarrel

That doesn't sound like a dry drunk, that sounds like a full blown addict.

NWGRITS

What he said^.

Timeforachange1

I guess I was stupid because I assumed (big mistake) that he was sober. I knew the alcohol had stopped, but he hid the pills for a very long time. He worked a program for a minute and never made it past step 3. I should have known now looking back. Thanks for input I don't have any experince with pills so I claim my ignorance!

More of a reminder of why 'He Gone'

izzyrose05

When mine did have his months of sobriety, he always remained in denial. Not sure if that is dry drunk or just addict. He still blamed me for much of what went wrong in our relationship and only ever half heartedly admitted to his alcoholism. He only half worked a program and half said he was sorry for his parts of the mess. There was never any full recognition or admission or awareness of the mess his addiction has caused. There was always anger to varying degrees, blame, self centered behavior, and isolation.

Sorry you are dealing with this. Sounds like you know what you need to do though. Hope you keep the strength. Don't let him convince you, that you are the fruitcake. You're not.

Good luck

CodeJob

Oh Izzy Rose, I am living your first paragraph.

Time for a change, I can feel your frustration radiating from your post. Double Barrel is right. He is still using. Are you working the steps for yourself? I've only made it to 4 in about a year, but it has been very centering for me. It has helped me let go, let my HP, and sometimes I can even extract myself out of my RAHs business!

Pelican

There's an expression in the rooms:
what do you get when an alcoholic horse thief gets sober?
You get a horse thief.

Some people are jerks even after they get sober. It's who they are.

Good on you for realizing this is not the way you want to spend your one precious life. Your happiness is important.

PippiLngstockng

My xah claims he quit drinking for two years after his binging became particularly noticeable and I got more fed up than usual.

During that dry drunk spell the police came to our house and took then ah to jail for domestic violence. He said afterwards that he is more difficult sober than drunk.

He wasn't in recovery.

Drunk or sober, who wants to live wondering what form they'll find their A in next?

You don't realize how far things have gone til you get the A out of your life for a good long while. I find I am more myself than I've been since I met xah over 22 years ago. It's like I was frozen in time, and here I am again, 27 years old and free! I love it!

It can get a whole lot better! Time for a change for sure!

Praying

I agree that, while it's possible all that could be going on with him not drinking...if I'm sitting at the roulette table, I'm putting all my cash on "using".

My AXH was so similar in his confusing rages that were worse than before. I attributed his behavior to his "recovering mind" and people here said gently...you're wrong.

He hadn't quit drinking. In my situation the added mood swings were the opiates. How did I miss that one?!

I talked to so many people at the time, confused that "recovery" seemed like it should be different. And while recovery is very tough... It IS different.

A few years earlier during an attempt at sobriety, even though he wasn't doing a program, he wasn't raging crazy. The rage comes out when he's hiding, has huge shame, or is withdrawing and needs a pick me up but darn it, I'm THERE.

Hammer

Some underlying Mental Illness issues track along under the water with some A's.

Take way the Drug(s) of Choice, and you still have the Mental Illness remaining.

Your description sounds close to some aspects of My Little A. In her case it looks like some Personality Disorder stuff called "Borderline Traits."

We can do more detail on the Personality Disorder stuff, if you would like and how to best handle it, from [y]our side of things, if you would like.

Timeforachange1

I don't get borderline from him. Extreme anxiety and NPD is a better description. He has always struggles with low Self-esteem and depression. I always contributed the depression to the alcohol use.

DoubleBarrel

There's no way to know, cause he's not been sober long enough to really let all the brain stuff resolve.
It takes months, upwards of a year or more of total sobriety to normalize out and see what's really going on.

At that point, underlying psych issues will be apparent.

I thought I was stark raving mad, as did some people around me, but it was drugs and alcohol mimicking bipolar, PTSD, even sociopathic behaviour.