Carlotta

I came to Al-Anon with the compulsion to focus on other people. I had a clear idea of how everyone should behave in every situation and felt very self-righteous when they didn't follow my rules of conduct. When I realized that my own life was being neglected because all my attention was elsewhere, I had to make some major changes.
Today I still have to be vigilant about minding my own business. I know that when my thoughts begin with "He should" or "She shouldn't" I am probably in trouble. I don't have the answers for other people. I don't make the rules for appropriate behavior, good business conduct, driver courtesy, or common sense. I don't know what is best for others because I don't know the lessons their Higher Power is offering. I only know that if I'm caught up in what they should or should not do, I have lost my humility. I have also ceased to pay attention to myself. Nine times out of ten, I am focusing on someone else to avoid looking at something in my own life.

Today's Reminder

I grow in my ability to relate to others when I allow them to be exactly as they are. The greatest gift I can give to myself is my own attention.

"Clean your fingers before you point at my spots."

allysen

I've really been trying hard to work on this. I noticed a long time ago that the majority of my conversations with people were them asking for advice and me giving it. I now just try to listen and offer support, or even dare to talk about myself. Even in this forum, I try to avoid telling others what to do or trying to get them to see the situation how I see it (even if I'm totally right....lol). But I'm still surprised on how many posts get me going inside. Still working on it!