Shaken up but safe and out
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
(((Emmy)))
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Have you called an abuse hotline or talked to the police? Your choice on when and how to proceed. Going no contact is an option, also. Wishing you good health and long term continuing recovery.
It's so good to hear that you and the boys are safe!
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Have you called an abuse hotline or talked to the police? Your choice on when and how to proceed. Going no contact is an option, also. Wishing you good health and long term continuing recovery.
It's so good to hear that you and the boys are safe!
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by EmmyG 
It's so creepy when his eyes go after he's had liquor. And it's humiliating being scared like that. I used to blame his drunken behavior on past traumas but there is no excuse. He knows when he drinks that this can happen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I agree that you should call and report the violence too. In California, when you report domestic abuse they WILL arrest him but having a police report of the violence will help keep you and your sons safe, especially as it pertains to sharing custody.
I'm glad you were able to get away safely, Emmy. Big hugs to you and your boys.
I'm glad you were able to get away safely, Emmy. Big hugs to you and your boys.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
also not too soon to mention possible responses from him....
1) anger. how dare you. I didn't hurt you. if you wouldn't make me so angry. how dare you take my children away. you b!tch, i'll see you in court.
2) remorse. oh baby, I love you so much, i'll do anything to make it up to you. I want to be a better man, I can't do this without you. i'll get help. blah di blah blah blah.
there are more variations, but these two are the most common themes. they can alternate, depending on the day, time, barometric pressure. the key thing here is for YOU to stay centered and remember his hands on your throat. hopefully you have filed a police report...you would if anyone else did that right? being a drunk is one thing.....being a violent man who perpetrates harm on women is quite another.
1) anger. how dare you. I didn't hurt you. if you wouldn't make me so angry. how dare you take my children away. you b!tch, i'll see you in court.
2) remorse. oh baby, I love you so much, i'll do anything to make it up to you. I want to be a better man, I can't do this without you. i'll get help. blah di blah blah blah.
there are more variations, but these two are the most common themes. they can alternate, depending on the day, time, barometric pressure. the key thing here is for YOU to stay centered and remember his hands on your throat. hopefully you have filed a police report...you would if anyone else did that right? being a drunk is one thing.....being a violent man who perpetrates harm on women is quite another.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
i wanted to suggest to start keeping a journal...of the good and the bad...especially since you are out....its a good "relief" and validation to you "that you are not crazy"...
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am so glad you are out. My XABF tried to strangle me before too and I remember the terror of it like it was yesterday. I stayed with him until he punched me in the face and sent me stumbling down the stairs. Please do not go back no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Oh honey - I'm sorry that had to happen to you. But now you are OUT OUT OUT and life can START START START.
Please file charges against him. I know right now that you just want a place with strong walls and locks. When you can, please get the police involved and get a record on him.
Please file charges against him. I know right now that you just want a place with strong walls and locks. When you can, please get the police involved and get a record on him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by EmmyG
It's so creepy when his eyes go after he's had liquor. And it's humiliating being scared like that. I used to blame his drunken behavior on past traumas but there is no excuse. He knows when he drinks that this can happen.
So sorry this happened to you, but glad you're safe and out!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Emmy, I'm so sorry this happened to you...I've been reading your posts and know it has been a rough few weeks culminating in today's events. I'm glad you and your boys are safe - my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, Emmy--hoping you'll check in this morning and let us all know that you and your kids are OK.
Many years ago, when I was just out of high school, I had an abusive BF. It was only a short-lived relationship but it had terrifying moments--I can't imagine how frightening for you in a long-term relationship with children involved, and how much harder to get free.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Many years ago, when I was just out of high school, I had an abusive BF. It was only a short-lived relationship but it had terrifying moments--I can't imagine how frightening for you in a long-term relationship with children involved, and how much harder to get free.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Prayers for you and your boys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Thank you for all of the well wishes. He has tried calling me and saying he's so sorry but I told him that's it. I told him I'll never be alone with him again. I reread a lot of the detachment information on this site and it's helping me recognize my "off" thinking. I've been so worried about him that it's kept me there too long, and I need to worry about the kids and myself. His mother is flying in today - she was already coming because of the seizure/thing they found in his head. I told her what happened, all of it. And I told her I'm officially not involved in helping/supporting him as of yesterday. I withdrew cash from his account yesterday and took the kids to a hotel and we had a calm day/night. Today I'm calling my sister and telling her everything so she can help me facilitate moving out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by EmmyG
Today I'm calling my sister and telling her everything so she can help me facilitate moving out.
It's a great thing that you're able to reach out for help like this. So many of us struggled so long in secrecy and shame and fear.
Better days are coming, Emmy--keep putting one foot in front of the other!
Wishing you clarity and strength.
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