I'm just curious if anyone else here has ever tried a sober companion? My AH just hired a SC to come stay with us at our home for a month. I'm a little nervous as we don't live in a huge home & the whole idea seems sort of comical in that aspect. But I'm also happy because my husband chose to do this all on his own in an attempt to get sober & on solid ground with recovery & it seems like a really great idea, something I had never heard of before as an alternative to residential rehab (or after rehab for others).

I don't think she would mind my mentioning it... since she's been posting about this... Bluechair ...her husband has a sober adviser. I think he was hired by the employer to assist with his recovery.

I found an article in "The Fix" I Was a Paid Celebrity Sober Companion | The Fix
Hopefully it will work for your husband. I have an AA sponsee and I am grateful to be able to do 12 steps work and give back what was freely given to me. She has not money but even if she was wealthy, I just could not see myself charging her.

I would check out this person thoroughly. I know many are probably fine but people who are trying to get sober are vulnerable and sadly there are some who take advantage of this. I was urged against my better wishes by my therapist to hire someone, (and I was not having any difficulty), his fee was north of $5k/month. I bailed after a few sessions, and although I asked him to charge me he didn't. Not sure what your husband may need, and I am sure I got a ridiculous price, but if you think about it newly sober people and their loved ones can be willing to try anything. The guy I worked with had a very formal contract, one that protected both of us.

Screen this person, inviting a stranger to live with you is always a big step, I would want to know exactly who I was inviting to move in…..

Thanks for all the feedback. $5K is a lot more than we are spending. I thought a SC would cost more than residential rehab for all the 24/7 one-on-one support, but was pleasantly surprised how affordable it is. Getting a background check & references is a good idea, I think. My husband started back up with AA & his sponsor but still has been struggling with staying sober. This SC helps with alcohol & porn addiction & also offers religious/spiritual support, as in he incorporates that, too, in the recovery process (part of what appealed to my AH, which shocked me as much as him hiring this guy.. I've been the religious one, not my husband, so that threw me for a loop. "You hired who?!"). Says he will go to work, etc, with my AH. Also says he works with the family. Guess the biggest change for me is not being able to get up late & hang out in my Hello Kitty pajamas with the kids a few hours on my day off lol.

Really interesting/good article Carlotta. At least it does seem the SC my AH hired is not much driven by $ or creature comforts as he does not charge much, takes the bus if it is too far to drive & offered that we should not make any special arrangements, for example, that if we did not have an extra guest bed he was fine with & used to sleeping on the floor on the job. Says he will go along to meetings & work with my AH's AA sponsor to support him in that ritual (rather than replace it). The idea of living with a stranger a month is daunting, but yes, I think we are to the point of being willing to try anything..

Pretty uncommon
but
I see nothing wrong with this
sounds to be a caring individual
who wishes to help the suffering one
so as to recover
MM

Sounds like a fab idea xxxx

littlebird--I hope that you will keep us appraised as to how this goes--one way or another. Of course, I hope that it is helpful!

I am very interested to learn more about this sober companion thing...

I have heard of it, but have no experience at all...

Educate ME....LOL.

Thanks,
dandylion

Sounds like a codie's dream job...

Does watching "Elementary" count? That is how I heard about it.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Totally new to me & I personally have never met anyone who tried it. I had to laugh about it being a Codie's dream job ;) NOT a job I want anymore lol.. Been there, done that. I looked online & there appear to be several companies that offer this service, all very different. One appeared to offer massage as well..um, yeah, my husband is NOT getting that one lol. We did an intervention years ago & sent him to a really cushy expensive rehab that ended up being a sham. I decided after that, never again. He put himself through a pretty good 12-step IOP since then & then surprised me by choosing this, which seems pretty hardcore. He would not have been willing to do this at all even 6 months ago. Right when I am really ready & planning to leave he chooses this.. So I am trying not to hope, just see what happens & try to stay focused on my own recovery in the meantime.

Shoot if they were going to offer massages, you should be the one getting it. Living with an active alcoholic is rough and makes one tense mentally and physically.

deeker female 52 yrs old
Available Sober Companion
Pay Negotiable
Can start immediately

Must provide Chocolate
Menopausal need fan
and Wifi
Did I say chocolate?

To each his own, but the idea of paying someone to be a sober companion seems like a well intentioned but ill conceived alternative to directly seeking help and doing the work that recovery entails. Paying someone for a service inevitably gives the payer power in the relationship. In early recovery the illusion of power, whether explicitly or subconsciously wielded, is a detriment to acceptance. Without acceptance the odds of long term sobriety and sanity are pretty slim in my experience.

At some point in time, every recovering alcoholic or addict has to commit to being personally responsible for his sobriety and be willing to do whatever is necessary to maintain it. A sober companion may be of some value and comfort for a short period of time, but sooner or later the training wheels have to come off. What does your AH plan to do for the next 30 days to make that a reality?

that's true
but let's not knock this idea of having someone in house 24 hours
if we all give this some good thought
the husband here may have hit a good starting point right on the head


warning
sounds just like my wife
these ones can eat a whole lot of chocolate !

I think I was basically my ex's sober companion. Didn't do much good.

Right when I am really ready & planning to leave he chooses this..

ahem, cough, excuse me, something in my throat there.

what kind of job does your AH have that he can bring a buddy to tag along with him all day for a month?? and how is he going to explain that?

I suppose if it works, yay. but what is the plan for day 31, when said SC leaves? you say he will not only "help" with the drinking, but also the porn addiction. dear me, that brings up some interesting visuals. is he also the zipper police? sorry, uncalled for.

i'd be totally weirded out having some stranger come into my home to be my husband's shadow. my thought is...since you were already planning to move out, why not do so now? you say it's a small house, you were ready to pull the trigger.....why change your plans AGAIN because he came up with yet another tactic? just a thought......

What bugs me about this is that IT IS YOUR HOME! Could he have asked you? Consulted you?
It's your right to wear your Hello Kitty pajamas in your home. Also not to have to be alone in a small space with a stranger.

This is so bizarre to me and just another example (to ME, maybe I am bitter) of how the A's needs can take over a full household and everyone's just expected to take it.

I think I have been away from living-with-an-A too long to think this sounds at all bearable.

Doesn't the concept of a "sober companion" go against what AA/Alanon teaches?