Pamel

Hopeful, just checking in with you today. Know that many many people are sending good wishes your way.

FireSprite

I was also checking in this morning to send some more support and hugs via the internet. Stay strong! ((((hugs))))

lizatola

I haven't been on in a few days, so very sorry to hear about what is going on. Hopeful, I will keep you in my prayers(and your dd, too). You are one strong lady!

Hammer

From the nether regions of the intertoobs.

may just fit. dunno.

dandylion

Hammer--I think this is often times very true!

This is something that I don't think is recognized as often as it should be.

I have thanked the Universe for saving me on more than one occassion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Hammer

Might just be part of how the Promises play out. lotta dunno on all this . . .

==================

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

LightInside

Hi Hopeful!
Giant hugs to you and yours. If my Little saw you crying (no assumptions here), he would come put his arms around you and pat you with his tiny hand. I would then tell him that you are sad right now, but you are going to be okay.

Brave

Hopeful, wishing you peace and strength.

atalose

Keeping you and your children in my thoughts and prayers.

CarryOn

My thoughts are with you and your daughters along with my prayers for your safety and serenity!

hopeful4

Good Morning. You guys are so wonderful. Thank you all so much for the encouragement and prayers, we really need them.

Friday evening my mom came and stayed with us, Saturday we spent the day with her. Sunday was awful. He sings in the praise band at church (ha), so it was their first time really seeing him since this happened. Church was having a sausage dinner and I had this bright idea that we should all eat together at that after church (to show the kids we can be around each other and it still be ok). Bad idea. The kids were bawling hysterically all night last night, little one still crying when I took her to school today. Luckily her teacher is an amazing angel, so that helps! Of course, he is trying to manipulate but I have been pushing back and saying we have to coparent our kids, keeping the focus all on the kids.

I took him back a long time ago when things blew up, I always said the worst mistake I ever made was taking him back again. I will not do that under any circumstances. However, I was not prepared for how awful this would be with my kids. It just takes your breath to hear them sobbing (and they do not want to talk about any of it) and not be able to do anything to help them. Calling the counselor today.

Please keep praying for us. It is very hard, I am just hoping that getting back into our regular routine of school and stuff will help.

Thank you all again. I am so blessed to have my SR family here for me, your words help me in ways I cannot explain.

JustAGirl1971

It will get better, hopeful. They will adjust with time and patience. I'm so sorry yesterday was so horrible for you guys Counseling helps my kids, too, because it's a safe place they can discuss their feelings and fears without worrying about our feelings or reactions. Hang in there, hopeful. You can do this!!

lillamy

It really does. Get better, that is. Right now the kids are just shocked and confused. Once the dust settles, they will appreciate the new calm that will settle over your house.

And I think you're right that a normal routine will help. I know my children found school to be sort of a comforting place where everything was just like it always had been, even though everything about our family was in flux.

One thing you may want to consider is how important it is for you to immediately start spending time with him. I know I couldn't have even considered that -- I even switched churches when I left AXH because being around him was impossible for me and the kids both.

Praying for you. You will get through this.

JustAGirl1971

I second, lillamy. In the monthish that we've been apart, I have only seen STBXAH once. It was hard and really messed with my sense of peace. I know it's not realistic long term, but for now, we've distanced ourselves physically. Eventually, we do plan to spend limited time together as a family (for kids' special occasions), but that time is not now.

FireSprite

My heart aches for your kids today Hopeful; I can't imagine that they feel anything but shock. I have to gently agree though - spending time ALL together right now sends a very mixed message to the kids.

I realize you aren't going to want to leave them alone with him & they probably want you there, but I think it's important to keep things as clear as possible for the kids. (and remember, we have to watch that OUR actions match our words as much as our qualifier's do... that can be easy to forget when we are operating from a damage control/crisis mode.) I don't know what the right answer is...? Limited time, a 3rd party liason, idk.

Florence

This initial time is painful and the kids will feel hurt and wounded by the split. But in my experience if you are warm and open, generous with hugs and favorite meals, it will pass. Counseling is a yes. We developed a new normal routine: cooking together, baking every weekend, cards or bike rides in the evenings. Chores and allowance, bedtime cuddling. This helped a lot and gave us togetherness time that wasn't all about heavy, sad things.

I limit conversations with my ex a lot. He tried calling me jut to chat a few months ago and I snarled at him in a way that surprised me. We are all business, text and email. Phone calls are short and sweet. Our divorce has even been non-dramatic. I have no more illusions that he is healthy enough to have a normal relationship with me or my kids. If one day he is, awesome. I'll walk that bridge when we get there. But he's not there and I'm not invested in getting him there.

Limit contact. Sink the energy you're using on him into yourself and your kids. Start turning away from his madness. The pieces will fall into place. You don't have to do anything right now other than keep breathing and keep walking. You can do both.

firebolt

Oh Hopeful - just sending you tons of strength and peace for your family. (((HUGS)) Life is going to be SO MUCH BETTER!

hopeful4

Thank you all. Yes, I quickly realized that was a mistake, the spending time together too quickly. Tomorrow he will be taking them to dinner w/out me before my older daughter goes to confirmation class. I need them to all get usto me not being around. It will be a learning process, that is for sure.

He keeps trying to text me about things, I just keep putting the focus back on him recoverying for himself and the kids and keep the conversations about the kids. For documentation I had to print off all the texts today and document all that happened it my journal with the timeline, glad that is done.

I hate that they are hurting. I have looked to God for signs for so long. I guess this was a big one. I hate my kids saw what they saw, but they will heal with time, I know that.

Thank you all again for your kind and loving support.

Katchie

hugs to you hopeful...you have my prayers too. Everything will be ok in time. sounds like you are doing a wonderful job working things out..keep it up! Peace is just around the corner for you and your children.

Chelsea1029

I am so sorry hopeful. I know how awful the sobbing is, it broke my heart. But it has stopped and it is better. It was definitely an adjustment but my son has even stopped asking if he can come back. They know it's calmer here now. You will develop a new normal very soon and they will adjust. I agree about limiting contact. It's very hard with children, I am trying to get better at this for my own sanity.