Had him out of my head now he's creeping back in!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by suncatcher 
Lyssy, I have the same problem. That is why I get so frustrated and set myself up to get hurt with the A in my life. I do what comes natural and help when I can then he stomps on my self esteem and I get mad at myself for putting myself in that spot! It's hard to draw that line sometimes. BTW I love your quote! I think I will post it on my fridge if you don't mind
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Hi Suncatcher:
Just wanted to tell you I can relate to your experience, as well. Although broken up, I am still in touch with my Xabf. I haven't seen him in person for almost 8 months, but we talk on the phone, and text occasionally. The separation and distance is good, and I am mostly out of the danger zone, but the fact is, a sour conversation with him can still spoil my whole evening. Really dumb, considering we are not even "together" anymore!
Also, my friends and therapist are gently reminding me (and I do think it's true) that while he occupies a special space in my heart, I am possibly keeping myself from truly moving on, and maybe meeting a healthy, capable person to share my life with. So I am with you, questioning the ties that bind... and thinking about possibly cutting them finally.
(hugs)
Just wanted to tell you I can relate to your experience, as well. Although broken up, I am still in touch with my Xabf. I haven't seen him in person for almost 8 months, but we talk on the phone, and text occasionally. The separation and distance is good, and I am mostly out of the danger zone, but the fact is, a sour conversation with him can still spoil my whole evening. Really dumb, considering we are not even "together" anymore!
Also, my friends and therapist are gently reminding me (and I do think it's true) that while he occupies a special space in my heart, I am possibly keeping myself from truly moving on, and maybe meeting a healthy, capable person to share my life with. So I am with you, questioning the ties that bind... and thinking about possibly cutting them finally.
(hugs)
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midland, MI
Posts: 159
I'd like to just pop in and thank you guys for this discussion - since that seems to be one of the central "themes" I'm dealing with this week.
And for the Rabbit Toilet Paper discussion, too. I will stop being the Rabbit Toilet Paper. There are others that would love to be my XABF's "Sober Cheerleader". I'm too darn old to be a cheerleader anymore...Not for the likes of someone that doesn't appreciate it, anyway.
And for the Rabbit Toilet Paper discussion, too. I will stop being the Rabbit Toilet Paper. There are others that would love to be my XABF's "Sober Cheerleader". I'm too darn old to be a cheerleader anymore...Not for the likes of someone that doesn't appreciate it, anyway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Well said anvilhead. I think helping people who are really in need is a good idea. My A just zaps my energy and confidence. He not only uses me but others, borrowing money, he only thinks of himself and what he needs at that moment. It's what addicts do, I know. His disease is progressing. Not shaving, rarely showers or changes his clothes. Stuffing beer in his pocket before he goes anywhere. Painful to watch but there is nothing I can do. Staying away is probably the best thing for him and for myself. The alcohol is where the meanness comes from. I answered my own question. Lol but the support I found here helps me see things more clearly. Feeling better today
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Mellybug I am so with you! I am too darn old to be a cheerleader too and like you said especially for someone that doesn't appreciate it! And no more being the rabbit toilet paper for me either! I think that story from hammer hit the nail on the head! (Hammer hits the nail on the head...imagine that?! Lol)
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
"Hammer hits the nail on the head".....Ha, ha, I get it!
This very excellent thread brings something to mind that I read one time, here on SR.
Basically---When we finding ourselves searching for an answer to someone else's problems before they have even finished telling us about it---we might be co-dependent!
That struck a chord in me.......Errr....it struck me with a HAMMER......get it?
dandylion
This very excellent thread brings something to mind that I read one time, here on SR.
Basically---When we finding ourselves searching for an answer to someone else's problems before they have even finished telling us about it---we might be co-dependent!
That struck a chord in me.......Errr....it struck me with a HAMMER......get it?
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Dandylion that hits me with a Hammer too! Lol BTW I didn't find that book at the library you mentioned in another thread. I forget the name and should have written it down. I'm hoping to find it soon if you remember the title and author let me know, please and thank you!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 243
Hi Suncatcher,
I'm new here- I'm learning that if we let them be, according to the threads I've read, I see that it is best for us & them. I always tried to be good, kind, loving & gentle. But, my ABF's friends ' & his best friend, ( his bro') are the biggest enablers ! They place the poison in front of him. And those people are his "other family" meanwhile he has a good family who loves him & and he has/had me- I just started to understand that perhaps if we let them be, when they do need us, and I think they will.. We won't be there. Then & maybe then they will realize "oh, the ones who really loved me & really had my back aren't here... I've got to straighten up & get better & get them back" I think we all pray to hear that someday. God bless. Hug to you.
I'm new here- I'm learning that if we let them be, according to the threads I've read, I see that it is best for us & them. I always tried to be good, kind, loving & gentle. But, my ABF's friends ' & his best friend, ( his bro') are the biggest enablers ! They place the poison in front of him. And those people are his "other family" meanwhile he has a good family who loves him & and he has/had me- I just started to understand that perhaps if we let them be, when they do need us, and I think they will.. We won't be there. Then & maybe then they will realize "oh, the ones who really loved me & really had my back aren't here... I've got to straighten up & get better & get them back" I think we all pray to hear that someday. God bless. Hug to you.
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