Chelsea1029

Once again I was unsuccessful at not engaging.
AH came to snow blow driveway - I did not ask. He proceeds to stay.
So argumentative about everything. Then woe is me..."fine may as well start divorce, I can't see kids much...."
Then the comments about how I won't let him come home. I tell him it was his choice he continued to drink, he says he is not anymore. I tell him I can't believe him. I ask if he called outpatient treatment center yet. "No what good is that going to do. I don't have the shakes or anything. And I'll just tell them what they want to hear so I can be done."
So I say he is not serious about treatment. No sponsor, no steps, no treatment. Continued denial of drinking two weeks ago when I know he was.
He talks to me like I'm the crazy idiot in this scenario.
Had to vent.

Mellybug

I just picked up a book at the recommendation of a friend called "Getting them Sober", which, in spite of the title, is more about getting YOU healthy. The chapter I stopped at last night was about BELIEVING YOURSELF. Not allowing them to continue to deny, blame, redirect, and cause you to doubt what you KNOW to be true. They can sometimes stay very attached to that part of you that doubts yourself, and use that to their own advantage...to keep you feeling insecure and keep them in a place of "control".
I am not saying to run out and buy this book...it's just that your post struck a chord with me since I just read last night something that this post reminded me of.

I hope you can find some peace...

dandylion

Chelsea---I second Mellybug's post. Sometimes, the efforts of the alcoholic to get what they want, reminds me of the toddler who just keeps nagging the mother in hopes that she will give in--eventually.

Remember that they know our buttons very well and will push every one of them!

dandylion

Seren

Yep, what they ^^^^ said. In my experience, the active alcoholic's actions and words are all focused on maintaining the status quo so that the drinking will not be threatened.

Detaching is a skill, and it takes practice. Mr. S and I get better with each encounter with his stepson, and this has helped me enormously with the other addicts in my world

JustAGirl1971

I'm sorry, Chelsea I agree with dandylion. It is like having another child in the house.

hopeful4

I agree with everyone else. If you let him back, it is just going to go back to what it was. Focus on YOU.

Hugs.

Chelsea1029

Thank you so much for the support. It's hard having no contact because of the children but it would make this easier. I need to minimize it as much as possible. There is no way he's coming back, it was too hard to get him to leave. It's hard to see him and see the glimmers of the person I once knew but then hear the nonsense, lies, denials, etc...