shari07

Ok so I'm reading this book "When love is a lie" by Zari Ballard. It's about narcissistic relationships. Very eye opening and painful because this really makes me think my ex abf has npd. I'm curious for anyone who know more about this is there any specific books that directly deal with a npd/alcoholic relationship and recovering from it? And another question- do you think most narcissist's become alcoholics or most alcoholics become narcissistic? I'd prefer to believe that deep down he does have the capability of love if he ever did the work to get sober. I mean I'm not holding any hopes of his recovery, guess that would be just easier to swallow.

Hammer

Maybe let me broaden this out a little.

Some Long Term Alcoholics (and other flavor of Addicts) have what are called Personality Disorder type Mental Illness. They often use Alcohol or other Addictions to cover or treat their mental illness.

Specifically to what you are asking -- which is getting away from Caretaker (or abuse target, quite often) Roles and how they have harmed you . . . this is pretty good . . .

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life,
Margalis Fjelstad (Author)

Robot Check

As far as Alcoholic aspects Alanon is one of the best. It is generally understood that many of the A's the folks in Alanon deal(t) with also may have Mental Illness / Personality Disorder issues.

Do you know about Alanon?

shari07

Thanks Hammer I'll have to get it, I have a long list of books to read! I can usually read fast but these books I have to take breaks from. As far as al anon I haven't gotten my courage up enough yet, I'll get there eventually.

involved

I feel like that us asking whuch came first...the chicken or the egg? Alcoholism is in itself a selfish self centered disease with lyeing and manipulating, passive agressive tendencies...

izzyrose05

Ive been in relationships with two alcoholics. The first one was in recovery long before I met him. Had been sober for over 20 years and he was most definitely a narcissist. Didn't figure it out until after he took off. But I read The Malignant Narcissist by Sam Vankin who is himself a "self diagnosed narcissist". I think that's his name. Lots online. That boyfriend was a predator in every sense of the word.

This last alcoholic. Well, he is an active alcoholic and I do see many narcissistic traits in him, but I don't think he is a predator. I just think that narcissism is a trait of alcoholism and not necessarily the other way around.

Alcoholism is a very selfish self centered disease, so you will see those traits. But a full blown malignant narcissist is a scary creature that can exist drunk or sober and lives almost entirely without a conscience.

Try to find that book. It was full of jaw dropping information.

mdcrab

I live with active alcoholism. My AH is very self-centered especially when he's been drinking. Ironically he will often try to turn it around on me, calling me the selfish one etc. I think it is a major part of the disease and a coping mechanism. When alcohol is in control it takes over and doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else. Selfishness is right up there with honesty. Alcoholics are selfish liars it's pretty much a part of the disease. It sucks being lied to and playing second fiddle to alcohol. For me going to alanon meetings, talking with my sponsor and working on my steps has been life saving. I know now that nothing I say or do will change him, make him stop drinking, lying or being selfish and self-centered. All I can do is work on myself and not enable his behavior or bad decisions.