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He says the only reason we stayed together was the kids friendship...grr

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He says the only reason we stayed together was the kids friendship...grr

Old 03-12-2014, 06:16 AM
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He says the only reason we stayed together was the kids friendship...grr

Ok, I just got off the phone, my XABF woke me up calling to tell me how his son is getting bullied at school. He asked me for advice as his son wants to kill himself because he just annoys everyone. Apparently I think he is too annoying and creates too much fuss...according to XABF too. Great. I told XABF that the stuff he said to his son to try and make me feel like crap about stuff was damaging. He would tell his son that I didn't want him around and that I didn't want him here and would yell at me that I didn't love his son in front of his son....
Anyway after the last 3 years of knowing him, his son has always been different socially. Initially he used to physically attack my son, until my son fought back and now they have an understanding as such. Now at school he is getting picked on and was hit on the back by a kid at school. He wants advice. My advice was he needs to take him to the psychologist as there are many underlying issues there. They have seen the principal at the school. Personally I probably would have changed schools, but meh I don't spose that is really too helpful.
Anyway after going on about how wonderful his son is for about an hour, he said that my son upset him because he was too busy to see him on the weekend, and that this is sad as the only reason we stayed together as long as we did is for the kids' friendship...huh, well that's news to me. Silly me, I thought we loved each other. Guess I was wrong. I know I shouldn't be upset, but yes I am. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was I loved him. Simple. My son was always better off emotionally and every other way before this relationship. Sorry for venting, I'm now lying wide awake, stewing.
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Old 03-12-2014, 07:05 AM
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Brolynbub;

Change your number, go no contact, and stop this madness.

At this point you are becoming a participant, not a victim.

I'm not sugar-coating this because this is harming you and this person
can be violent and out of control. The more he sees you letting him
connect with you in any way, shape, or form, the greater the chance
of him coming over drunk or you taking him back, God forbid.

He is not your "friend" and you shouldn't try to be his.
I think others will be along soon to emphasize this truth.

Take care and focus on yourself and your son. That's what is important
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Old 03-12-2014, 07:15 AM
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It is not your problem to figure out. However, I can say my daughter was being bullied at school and under the advise of a therapist we changed schools mid year, it was an amazing difference.

This is not your battle to fight.

Tight Hugs.
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Old 03-12-2014, 07:15 AM
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Agree totally with Hawkeye. There is no reason to maintain contact with him and the fact that he can be violent is but one REALLY good reason not to.
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Old 03-12-2014, 07:41 PM
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Yes you are right hawk eye I'm afraid the only reason I answered the phone was because I was asleep and didn't have my wits about me. I might try blocking him on the phone, I can't change numbers as I run a business, but I can block it. We have had no real contact since the weekend which I'm coping with well enough, but unfortunately he still has most of his crap here still in my spare room...oh and a mattress in my hallway! I was thinking of boxing everything up and putting it into storage for him! Send him the bill... :-0
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Old 03-12-2014, 07:52 PM
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might be a good idea to just not answer the phone in the middle of the night OR put it on silent. if it's that important, the caller will leave a message. and if it IS that important, there isn't much one can do coming out of the sleep state!?

you don't need this crap. like carpenter ants.....you get an exterminator and make them go away.
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Old 03-12-2014, 08:04 PM
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Hi Broly, he's gone but he's still managing to freeload! Both your emotions and your house.
It sounds like he's looking for excuses to stay in touch, and I second the suggestion that you block him. If you have an iPhone it's an option at the bottom of the relevant contact screen. Do you really need his self-serving interpretation of your relationship?
As for his stuff - I suggest that, if possible, take it to where he's staying and just leave it in the front yard, letting him know in advance. You could put it outside your place for him to collect, but he may not come, and it costs to get rid of a mattress. Whatever you do, advise him in advance preferably by text or email so you have a record for the future, and you don't have to get caught up in any arguments.
These little hiccups will fade quickly as you go forward. You're such a positive hard worker I'm sure you have a brilliant future. All the best.
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Old 03-12-2014, 08:38 PM
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Feeling great you're right...I love that...he's freeloading in my mind as well as my house haha. Thanks, you've put it into perspective.
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Old 03-13-2014, 06:28 AM
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Yes, get his stuff out ASAP, block the phone, and get back to the wonderful life
you are building for yourself and your son through hard work and determination
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