Pamel

Milky, I am very happy for you! It is a beginning.

Treat it as such, and do as Hammer is suggesting; you work a program and she works a program. BTW, some of the happiest couples I know take advantage of the existence of an Al-anon meeting at the same time as an AA meeting. You should each have your separate places but a "recovery" night together can be a very rewarding experience.

As for "What would you do if…"? I can't see any point in going there. More helpful now that you have her attention and tenuous trust, is to have a discussion with her about truth, and that she should be honest with you and let you know if she drinks. My bf BEGGED me to do this (I didn't), but he meant it, and we would have a lot more love in our relationship today if I had listened. I did not drive drunk, thank goodness, and that can be something you can discuss with your wife: that you will pick her up anytime, anywhere, with love and compassion. Sigh. How I wish I had been more truthful.

I very much hope this works for you!

MissFixit

I think it is great that she is voicing her admittance that she has a drinking problem. However, there are so many variables between now and "the recovering future." Having a back-up plan regarding yourself and your son is a responsible and realistic thing to do. Plan B preparation is part of life with an A.

milky

She was very edgy last night. It's understandable. I'm starting to realize how this is going to be very tough for her. She needs friends and she doesn't have any that don't drink. She mentioned AA and i told her she should go check it out. She also mentioned a forum she joined and asked if i would join. I declined and said i wanted to respect her privacy.

She asked me how she is supposed to not drink with her coworkers on Friday when they have happy hour. I told her i'm not sure but maybe that was something she should ask the forum.

Hawkeye13

Hi milky;
It is great she is admitting there is a problem, but remember, that is a long way
from actual commitment to a program and real recovery.
From your post describing her "decision" to admit she has a problem,
it seems to me that she was put in a corner by you confronting her on the bottles in the car
(as you rightly should have done) and maybe she said this to get you off her back
and make some room for herself. Moving forward on a plan for sobriety like you did
will be the real truth of the matter. That is going to be a big distance for her
from what you've posted about her drinking habits and attitude.

I think you need to consider very carefully what limits you want to set to protect
yourself and your son in case she doesn't follow through or relapses because that
is often the case, especially if she is just trying to do it "on her own" without external
support. AA would be a great help, but you are right in that she has to be the one
to take charge of it like you did.

Is she drinking now, or has she stopped? Does she need to see a doctor to help with
detox or is she trying to do it alone? If she has health issues, this may not be a good plan.
Please be careful and take care of you while you support her in her efforts is all I'm getting at I guess. . .

Recovering2

First, congratulations on your own sobriety. With respect to your wife, there's a familiar saying around here. "Watch what they do, not what they say." She admitted the issue when confronted. I know you want to help, but this is her issue to address. If you start helping her figure out her own recovery you are playing the co-dependent role. That ultimately doesn't help her. She can find an AA group, get a sponsor, and get the support she needs from that group to make decisions about things like happy hour. If she's ill from trying to stop, she may need medical detox.

It's important that you focus on your sobriety, and she focuses on hers. You would benefit greatly from AlAnon. You will get tremendous support in dealing with all your concerns in those meetings.