lillamy

I have a dear friend who recently came out and admitted she is a (closet) alcoholic. Being that her cultural background makes it not only normal, but expected, to drink wine with dinner on a daily basis, she's been able to fly under people's radar for a long time. Nobody questioned that she (as the matron of the extended family) would insist on cleaning up after dinner every night (finishing off the opened wine bottles in the process) and because she doesn't work outside the home, and doesn't drive, nobody knew she was secretly drinking during the day.

But, kudos to her, after about a month in AA and after a long tearful conversation with her husband and her sponsor, she has decided to check into rehab and is committed to becoming sober.

I feel like I have answered this question a million times here, but here I am asking it: What can I do as a friend to encourage her? Other than "not a damn thing" which is sort of my go-to response...

Hammer

Smile and Wave. (not the sarcastic penguin version, btw. )

Really. Scary thing for most of *them.*

Just nice to know there are nice friendly folks who accept them.

ScottFromWI

Just be her friend - help if she asks and just be there for her if she needs someone to talk with. You could encourage her to join SR too if you want - it couldn't hurt!

CodeJob

Send her a nice encouraging note. Hand written. Find a laminated card with the Serenity Prayer or something similar she can travel with and get it battle worn.

hopeful4

Just support, be a friend, listen to her and her concerns.

It is good that she is getting help.

Good Luck!

FireSprite

With someone who is embracing recovery & sobriety like this & since you aren't SO's having to deal with the nitty-gritty of day-to-day recovery, I think just listening is a HUGE thing you can do whenever she wants to talk. Offering ES&H whenever it is solicited, respectfully staying silent when it isn't. If/when she asks let her know that sure, you've got lots of resources to share. I think showing her that you aren't judging her and that your friendship is still intact is all you really can do.

lillamy

Thank you!!!

I'm going through my mind wondering what (not so nice things) I've said to her about alcoholics over the years... but you know, bygones, water under the bridges, she is where she needs to be. And the fact that she let me know probably means I haven't insulted her beyond what she could handle.

m1k3

Lillamy, I have nothing more to add, be a friend, help where you can and don't take ownership of any of it. But of course you know that.

Your friend,

JustAGirl1971

Who knows, maybe hearing how much the alcoholic's behavior affected your family may have helped her seek help before her life became too unmanageable and she was shoved out of the closet

Hope4Life

I agree with Scott that referring her to join us here at SR is a great idea!

I would also suggest placing a 24HR Chip in her hand, if she does not have one. My cousin did this for me and it had an incredibly profound effect on me.

AnvilheadII

sometimes it's easier if we compare what our support should like if they had instead stated they were going to enter the IronMan Triathalon, or join a gym, change lifestyle and eating habits.....how would you THEN support her? would you ask her EVERY DAY how the training was going? would you print off a whole bunch of salad suggestions to give to her? would you find yourself disappointed if she didn't make it to the gym one day?

for some damn reason, we tend to take ANOTHER'S recovery quite personally...as if we REALLY have much in the way of influence, OR that they simply cannot be successful WITHOUT OUR "HELP"
surely we should demonstrate something more than complete indifference, but we also don't need to start planning the victory parade.

just be you, amy....nothing more is needed!!!

Pia

I'm not trying to hijack this thread but can someone tell me what 24HR chip is?

Seren

The 24 Hour chip is one of the tokens you get in AA for having stayed sober a certain amount of time. The 24 Hour chip represents your first day without anything alcoholic to drink.