Wahine

Hi everyone. Like many I am very grateful to those here who offer so much support. This forum has given me a lot of hope. I have been trying to leave AH for about six months. The state I live in doesn't have no fault divorce. We must be separated for a year to get a divorce. The cliff note version: AH has tied up all of our finances to keep me from leaving. He moved all of our savings into an account only he has access to. Due to health issues I am unable to work. I have consulted two attorneys. Their advice was to ask for a divorce. I have been afraid to. AH has repeatedly told me to leave , but without financial support though. I have 3 kids at home and we are all tired of the emotional abuse. When he is angry he is nasty and mean. The king of passive aggressive behavior. Thanks for letting me rant. It was a rough day.

amy55

My suggestion since you do want to stay is to file for the divorce. In most states you are entitled to 50% of the assets. He can't tie them up. You are also entitled to child support and ask the attorney about alimony. If you can't stay with him any longer call the DV hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Remember we are here for you.

You don't need to ask for a divorce, you file for a divorce.

(((((((hugs)))))))

dandylion

Wahine---I would highly suggest that you start documenting everything, now.....EVERYTHING. There are others that can guide you on how to do this better than I can. You will need it at time of divorce.

When/if you file---I would call the dv people and ask for their referral for a good attorney that works with their clients. There can be a big difference between lawyers and how hard they will work on your behalf. It is soo important to feel that you lawyer is on your "team".

I think Amy is right...it is time to stop asking and start telling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Wahine

Amy55, Yes, I know I have a right to 50% of all assets. Getting my hands on them is another thing. It is going to take filing for divorce and probably going to court before I ever see any of it though. On the advice of an attorney I have been documenting everything. I also have two copies, one hidden away from home. I have copies of all important documents I could find. I have also spoken to each of the specialist I see. I asked them to document the stress I am suffering due to my marriage and how it is effecting my health. I'm hoping to get a divorce on grounds of emotional abuse. I just feel so guilty and small because I can't work. If I could get a job I could just take the kids and leave and let the cards fall where they may. I have been saving some money but it isn't enough to do anything with yet. It is very expensive where I live. Last night was typical. At 9pm he tells me repair man is coming to work on bathroom in the morning which has been torn apart for 6 mons. I am floored. I ask him how long he has known. Three weeks he says (with a snarky attitude). I haven't all the materials to do the repair. My DD walks out of the room doing a little chant under her breath, "passive, aggresive, passive, aggresive..."

And it progresses.

dandylion

Wahine--are there any kind of jobs that you could do? Maybe from home? Many handicapped---very handicapped people hold jobs--and very responsible ones, at that.

Having a job would do absolute wonders for your self esteem, about now.

dandylion


Note: You might google "National Organization on Disabilities". Lots of information, resources and ideas.