Feeling lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Arvada co
Posts: 20
Feeling lost
A little over a year ago i began to really get to know a casual friend who i had known for 18 years. We rapidly became best friends and i fell in love. It was about this that i found out that she had a severe anxiety problem that she dealt with with alcohol. I did not know the relationship between the two at the time. Needless to say we have gone through a huge amount of ups and downs during the past 12 months. Her record number of days of sobriety was over 60 days while she was with me. Unfortunately it has been a regular 14 day cycle since that time. Sober for a couple of weeks drink for a week recover for a week. Her solution to breaking this pattern is to move to another state. I know the 3 c's but i admit i am blinded by how much i love her. The friend that is helping Her pull off the move is questionable and i am scared to death of how far she might sink without any support system. I know i need to work on me but still love her and am scared
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Good morning and welcome to SR,
Geographic cure. Seriously been tempted. Even spent a day house seeking before I told my A we could legally separate, but I was sticking with my good job. He was acting nuts and clearly his new amazing job came wrapped in red flags. Pulled our house off the market. Collected names of attorneys. Blake will know right where that would have taken me - the worst state in the union. My A wandered home...and got a good local job and resumed his drinking post in garage. Marriage continued another 5.5 years with A creeping to higher and higher levels.
The cyclical nature you describe makes me wonder a bit if there is a bit more than just alcoholism going on, but I am no specialist. Honestly it does not matter. What matters is why did u stay in such a rocky relationship? Not married? No kids? What were you getting to stay for such a pattern full of red flags? Are you being too tenacious? Please see a counselor if at all possible and/or try AlAnon to reflect on this relationship. Wish her well. Miss her. Put her in Gods hands. But use this time to work on you.
Geographic cure. Seriously been tempted. Even spent a day house seeking before I told my A we could legally separate, but I was sticking with my good job. He was acting nuts and clearly his new amazing job came wrapped in red flags. Pulled our house off the market. Collected names of attorneys. Blake will know right where that would have taken me - the worst state in the union. My A wandered home...and got a good local job and resumed his drinking post in garage. Marriage continued another 5.5 years with A creeping to higher and higher levels.
The cyclical nature you describe makes me wonder a bit if there is a bit more than just alcoholism going on, but I am no specialist. Honestly it does not matter. What matters is why did u stay in such a rocky relationship? Not married? No kids? What were you getting to stay for such a pattern full of red flags? Are you being too tenacious? Please see a counselor if at all possible and/or try AlAnon to reflect on this relationship. Wish her well. Miss her. Put her in Gods hands. But use this time to work on you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Faithhope......It is tough caring about or loving an alcoholic. While they are under the control of the disease---your loving and caring will not save them. The voice of the disease (alcoholic voice) is directing their actions. And...that disease does not care one twit about you.
A difficult fact of life is that we do not always get to keep the ones we love...and, we cannot always save the ones we love.
I feel for you. CodeJob is right, I think. You can "let go and let God".....and trust that the universe might direct her to treatment when her pain becomes bad enough.
dandylion
A difficult fact of life is that we do not always get to keep the ones we love...and, we cannot always save the ones we love.
I feel for you. CodeJob is right, I think. You can "let go and let God".....and trust that the universe might direct her to treatment when her pain becomes bad enough.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Arvada co
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Faithhope......It is tough caring about or loving an alcoholic. While they are under the control of the disease---your loving and caring will not save them. The voice of the disease (alcoholic voice) is directing their actions. And...that disease does not care one twit about you.
A difficult fact of life is that we do not always get to keep the ones we love...and, we cannot always save the ones we love.
I feel for you. CodeJob is right, I think. You can "let go and let God".....and trust that the universe might direct her to treatment when her pain becomes bad enough.
dandylion
A difficult fact of life is that we do not always get to keep the ones we love...and, we cannot always save the ones we love.
I feel for you. CodeJob is right, I think. You can "let go and let God".....and trust that the universe might direct her to treatment when her pain becomes bad enough.
dandylion
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