AA and Cheating?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 43
I agree with all the advice about having a conversation about transparency. I know for myself, I always erase all my messages on my phone & e-mail, clear my history, and keep my phone on silent. I am loyal to a fault & have never cheated. My husband has cheated & in retrospect I wish we had conversations about transparency & boundaries earlier on. He erased messages, but only incriminating ones & slept with his cellphone. He had a woman friend he did tell me about & I trusted him completely & later found out he had a longterm affair with her. So, in my experience, there is no simple formula. I've learned for myself I can only be honest with myself & him about my feelings & recognize & stick to my own boundaries. My gut feelings were all correct & normally I was not a jealous person, but I knew something wasn't right. Every relationship is different, that was just my experience. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 325
If I were in a relationship with someone who went through my phone, I would definitely delete all messages. Until I kicked him/her to the curb.
I would not want to be in a relationship without trust.
And I have nothing to hide.
(Note: One-time pass given to the under-25 set. They're still learning.)
I would not want to be in a relationship without trust.
And I have nothing to hide.
(Note: One-time pass given to the under-25 set. They're still learning.)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I just have a question. My fiance' is in AA and had been sober for almost 2 years. We have been together for a little over a year and just bought a home together. He was married in the past for 14 years and cheated on his wife and they ended up getting a divorce which is why he decided to quit drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Oh gosh I trusted my AH COMPLETLY and never, not only did not check the phone, I never checked the phone bill. Had I, I would have discovered a lot of things I NEVER suspected much sooner. Let me repeat this--I trusted him COMPLETLY. I had complete trust in him.
That trust was violated.
So we are working on ( among other things, trust) but just because you trust, does not mean you have a perfect relationship.
I learned the hard way.
That trust was violated.
So we are working on ( among other things, trust) but just because you trust, does not mean you have a perfect relationship.
I learned the hard way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Cheating is like drinking. If someone is going to drink, they are going to do it no matter what you do. Cheating is like that too. If someone is "fishing" and prone to cheat, then eventually they will create a scenario where they can do that regardless of what you do. Both actions are character defects that people need to address in themselves and then take the steps to work on. People can blame others for their misbehavior, but ultimately it was the alcoholic or cheater that chose that action.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 79
It's no mystery why TRUST isn't at the top of our list when married to an A or RA! So I totally understand why texting a woman about his day seems fishy. It's one thing to make friends at AA and support each other, but daily texting between a man and a woman about how your day was does seem slightly inappropriate to me. They can be friends at AA meetings, they don't really need to be texting each other "How was your day" every afternoon. He can tell you, his WIFE, how his day was. I have male friends, but I don't get texts from them about how my day was. Good luck to you! Follow your instincts.
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