Husband sober 6 months today - Son arrested
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 121
Husband sober 6 months today - Son arrested
Got the call from the county jail at 5:30 this morning. I am physically ill since hearing the news.
There are 6 drug charges. He was having a cigarette in his front yard. Just a few weeks ago he took himself to a Doctor and got a prescription for Subutex for opiate addiction. I helped him pay for the medication ($367). I was hopeful. He went with my husband to a meeting one day. I was thrilled. He moved back to town 4 months ago. I wouldn't let him stay with us "until he found a place". I didn't ask him about working/getting a job. I saw all the signs that he was headed for trouble. I stayed on my side of the street. I didn't contact him. He only contacted me when he needed something. I did give him $100 to help with his rent one month. I wasn't too happy with myself after that.
Today he was begging me to bail him out. He said, Put it on your credit card and I will pay it back. Yeah, right. Just like he has paid me back the thousands that I have loaned him over the years. He made the usual promises. I said no. He asked me a dozen times. He tried for my sympathy... He was trying to get his life together, he said. He had just applied for financial aid and wanted to go to school.
He just turned 29 a couple weeks ago. We've been on the roller coaster for 11 years now. I won't bail him out. He will most likely go to prison. He already has a felony record. This is not his first drug charge.
Like I said, I am physically sick. Been to the bathroom half dozen times and vomiting. I have only had 1 sip of my morning tea. I'm trying to avoid the "BIG headache". Jaw muscles are tight, neck is tight. I feel awful.
BUT...this time it is different. Thank you SR & Al Anon. I know that I cannot do anything for him. For many years I tried to fix everything for him. He can be so very charming and that pulled me in every time. My little boy...crying...needing my help. Not this time. What I heard this morning was: If I don't get my drugs soon I'm going to be in withdraw (panic). He didn't mean a single word of what he said. He promised me the world. He even promised me that he would never talk to me again if that is what I wanted. He will probably not even remember what he said this morning. I did my best not to say much other than, No I will not bail you out.
I am resting today. I am grateful for the support of my RAH. He works his program and I work mine. This is so important!! I think I will double up on my meetings over the next couple weeks. My Higher Power always shows up and speaks to me. I'm sure there are things I need to hear right now.
Just as I don't stay around too much to chat after the meetings, I don't post a lot here. I guess I'm not there yet. I have wanted to say for a while how grateful I am for the posters who take the time to post and respond. I come and read EVERY DAY and you have helped me so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate your comments, prayers and support.
There are 6 drug charges. He was having a cigarette in his front yard. Just a few weeks ago he took himself to a Doctor and got a prescription for Subutex for opiate addiction. I helped him pay for the medication ($367). I was hopeful. He went with my husband to a meeting one day. I was thrilled. He moved back to town 4 months ago. I wouldn't let him stay with us "until he found a place". I didn't ask him about working/getting a job. I saw all the signs that he was headed for trouble. I stayed on my side of the street. I didn't contact him. He only contacted me when he needed something. I did give him $100 to help with his rent one month. I wasn't too happy with myself after that.
Today he was begging me to bail him out. He said, Put it on your credit card and I will pay it back. Yeah, right. Just like he has paid me back the thousands that I have loaned him over the years. He made the usual promises. I said no. He asked me a dozen times. He tried for my sympathy... He was trying to get his life together, he said. He had just applied for financial aid and wanted to go to school.
He just turned 29 a couple weeks ago. We've been on the roller coaster for 11 years now. I won't bail him out. He will most likely go to prison. He already has a felony record. This is not his first drug charge.
Like I said, I am physically sick. Been to the bathroom half dozen times and vomiting. I have only had 1 sip of my morning tea. I'm trying to avoid the "BIG headache". Jaw muscles are tight, neck is tight. I feel awful.
BUT...this time it is different. Thank you SR & Al Anon. I know that I cannot do anything for him. For many years I tried to fix everything for him. He can be so very charming and that pulled me in every time. My little boy...crying...needing my help. Not this time. What I heard this morning was: If I don't get my drugs soon I'm going to be in withdraw (panic). He didn't mean a single word of what he said. He promised me the world. He even promised me that he would never talk to me again if that is what I wanted. He will probably not even remember what he said this morning. I did my best not to say much other than, No I will not bail you out.
I am resting today. I am grateful for the support of my RAH. He works his program and I work mine. This is so important!! I think I will double up on my meetings over the next couple weeks. My Higher Power always shows up and speaks to me. I'm sure there are things I need to hear right now.
Just as I don't stay around too much to chat after the meetings, I don't post a lot here. I guess I'm not there yet. I have wanted to say for a while how grateful I am for the posters who take the time to post and respond. I come and read EVERY DAY and you have helped me so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate your comments, prayers and support.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Big hugs to you. I have the greatest pain in my heart for parents dealing with addicted children.
I just want to tell you that my sponsor for several years was convinced she had lost her son to addiction. Today, he is three years clean, is working towards a degree (and working) and just became a father a couple of weeks ago.
She says without the skills she learned in Al-Anon, and in the family group at the rehab center where he finally checked himself in, she would not be where she is today. And neither would her son.
Praying for you.
I just want to tell you that my sponsor for several years was convinced she had lost her son to addiction. Today, he is three years clean, is working towards a degree (and working) and just became a father a couple of weeks ago.
She says without the skills she learned in Al-Anon, and in the family group at the rehab center where he finally checked himself in, she would not be where she is today. And neither would her son.
Praying for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am very sorry. However, he is off the streets now, he is safe. I have watched many addicts try to go to recovery and try on their own. I have also seen many come out of jail and that was the only way they were able to recover.
For one to recover they have to face consequences. By not enabling him, see it as though you are giving him a CHANCE because if you bail him out, he is just going to go back to using quite likely. You are doing the right thing.
Big Hugs, it has to be so hard. You are not alone. Try to get some rest and have some peace for today.
God Bless.
For one to recover they have to face consequences. By not enabling him, see it as though you are giving him a CHANCE because if you bail him out, he is just going to go back to using quite likely. You are doing the right thing.
Big Hugs, it has to be so hard. You are not alone. Try to get some rest and have some peace for today.
God Bless.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OnlyOne Problem---as a mother who has walked in your same shoes--I want to tell you that you are doing the right thing. As hard as it is...it is the right thing.
He MUST feel the effect of his consequences. You can't fix it for him.....I know that you realize that.
It truly is "Let Go and Let God" time. That is the thing that has helped me the most to cope with the unthinkable.
dandylion
He MUST feel the effect of his consequences. You can't fix it for him.....I know that you realize that.
It truly is "Let Go and Let God" time. That is the thing that has helped me the most to cope with the unthinkable.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 121
Thank you all so much for your kind words.
I continue to remind myself that he is right where he needs to be, that he must face the consequences and "feel" them also.
I am working on the letting go part.
The recent events in my life with my RAH have shown me that when you do truly Let go and Let God, anything is possible.
The serenity prayer is my "go to" whenever the head talk starts. It really helps.
One day at a time.
I continue to remind myself that he is right where he needs to be, that he must face the consequences and "feel" them also.
I am working on the letting go part.
The recent events in my life with my RAH have shown me that when you do truly Let go and Let God, anything is possible.
The serenity prayer is my "go to" whenever the head talk starts. It really helps.
One day at a time.
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