Kissimee54

This is not a good time for a visit. I am a double winner both alcoholic and codependent. I haven't seen them in a few years. I slipped on Thanksgiving when I was visiting them and haven't gone back since. I keep in touch via emails and snail mail and an occasional phone call. I have to look at this as an opportunity to create some positive memories. I'm stressed about it and I just want it over with. I know it's because of my past behavior. I feel like such a failure. I need to move on and just get over this but I'm early in recovery. I need to take care of me and just slog on through. Argh!!

FeelingGreat

Hi Kissmee, are you still drinking? If not, this is a great chance to let your family see your positive side. The past is gone and the future is your call.

Kissimee54

That would be a total disaster. I'm just stressed out because of my past behavior while in my addiction. I need to detach and take care of me and still have a good visit.

dandylion

Kissime---what in particular, (If I may ask), do you think will be the problem. Will they try to rehash the past behavior--will they be critical and judgemental and attacking----or any such thing?? What part are you dreading??

dandylion

JustAGirl1971

First of all, congratulations on 3 months sobriety! That's an accomplishment that matters! Instead of concentrating on the past/negatives, can you switch your thinking to the present/positives? This is your opportunity to show them how much you've grown since you last saw them! You can do this! Are you in AA or Alanon? Or any other kind of support group? Counseling? If so, you could consider increasing your meetings right before and while they are here. Or, schedule a counseling session for right before they come? These are all things that help me. I have something stressful coming up this weekend and am going to daily alanon meetings in preparation. It's helping.

CodeJob

As a Type A Codie, I have expectations of myself when family shows up for a visit. I freak myself out. I drive everyone nuts in a whirlwind of activity that just has to be done. So look within and see if YOU are the one setting yourself up more than your family.

Breathe.

ShootingStar1

Why is it that you feel that you have to have your family come?

It sounds like this visit is on THEIR timetable, not yours, particularly in light of your success in your early recovery and your past experience of relapsing when you are with them.

You get to do life on YOUR terms. If they've already bought airline tickets, you can tell them they have to stay at a hotel. You can set up whatever boundaries you need for YOU to stay sober. Maybe it is you'll join them for breakfast, lunch and daytime, but not in the evenings if that is when the triggers happen that set you up for relapse.

Your continued sobriety is the most important thing in your life right now, and they need to understand and support that in whatever ways YOU feel you need support, or you can choose not to interact with them.

ShootingStar1

lillamy

My experience -- and it's only mine -- is that parents of addicts never hold the past against a child who has found sobriety.

Spouses and children -- different story. But parents (is it your parents?) -- parents tend to thank God for their children's sobriety and put the past behind them.

Mango blast

I agree with all the advice so far in this thread, but this is the most important part. It's your life, your sobriety and it's absolutely okay to do things on your own timetable. Congratulations on where you are! If you can't handle this today, tomorrow is a new day. Do what you need to for yourself right now.

FeelingGreat

Kissme, assuming your parents have good will towards you, it doesn't take much to please them usually. Some flowers in their room. Maybe cook a nice meal in advance so you're not stressing while they're around.
I'm not sure of your financial means, but some simple thoughtful touches mean a lot if people love you. I'm sure they will be very proud.